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  #1  
Old 03-22-2011, 02:57 AM
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Default Five seconds too late (Jake/Neytiri)

This is a different kind of Jake/Neytiri romance, the story that would've unfolded had she been delayed for just five seconds while trying to reach him following the fight with Quaritch.

Five seconds too late Chapter 1, an Avatar fanfic - FanFiction.Net
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You came back
How do you make up after you've done the unforgivable? Jake and Neytiri have a conversation in the wake of Hometree's destruction, during their first real moment alone following his return as Toruk Makto.

The Last Train Home
Fourteen years after the war, a lone spaceship appears in the sky. The former members of the Avatar program watch its approach expecting the worst, fearing for their adopted home. Then the ship lands. And suddenly, nothing makes sense anymore.

Five seconds too late
This is a different kind of Jake/Neytiri romance, the story that would've unfolded had she been delayed for just five seconds while trying to reach him following the fight with Quaritch.
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  #2  
Old 03-22-2011, 03:12 AM
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Default Story info

Title: Five seconds too late
Author: Sothis Star1 (Sothis Star1 - FanFiction.Net)
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jake, Neytiri
Genre: Romance, Tragedy

Warnings: Mild sexuality, character death
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based on James Cameron's Avatar. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profits are being derived from this work.

----------------------------------------

Author's Note:

This is the first Avatar fanfic I ever wrote and, indeed, my first fanfic of any kind. I wrote it back in January 2010 in two short weeks, kicking off the creativity binge that produced just about everything else I've written since. To this day, FSTL still has the most sentimental value for me... it certainly consumed the most emotional energy, and so far it has produced the only completed multi-chapter fics (though "Last Train Home" should eventually take away that distinction).

I'll admit upfront that this story is quite sad, but I promise it will all be worth it if you stick it out with me. Whether or not the ending is "happy" is up to interpretation, but most reviewers said they found it satisfying.

Since this is a multi-chapter fic, I will only be posting the first chapter. You will have to follow the ffn link the rest.

As always, reviews and criticisms are very much appreciated. I have anonymous reviews enabled on ffn; you can also post them here.
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All Avatar writings
-------------------
Selected writings:

You came back
How do you make up after you've done the unforgivable? Jake and Neytiri have a conversation in the wake of Hometree's destruction, during their first real moment alone following his return as Toruk Makto.

The Last Train Home
Fourteen years after the war, a lone spaceship appears in the sky. The former members of the Avatar program watch its approach expecting the worst, fearing for their adopted home. Then the ship lands. And suddenly, nothing makes sense anymore.

Five seconds too late
This is a different kind of Jake/Neytiri romance, the story that would've unfolded had she been delayed for just five seconds while trying to reach him following the fight with Quaritch.
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  #3  
Old 03-22-2011, 03:15 AM
Sothis's Avatar
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Default Chapter one

Five seconds too late

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At the end of James Cameron's Avatar, there is a final showdown with Colonel Quaritch during which the mobile link-station is breached, exposing Jake's human body to the toxic Pandoran atmosphere. Neytiri rushes inside and places a breathing mask on Jake's face, though she doesn't know how to operate it. On the verge of consciousness, Jake has just barely enough strength and presence of mind to reach up and pressurize the mask himself.

This is what would've happened had Neytiri been delayed only 5 seconds in entering the link-station.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter one

The enemy is dead, but the fight is not over.

Neytiri turns her focus to her mate, still lying on the ground where the enemy had dropped him. "Jake..." No response. Confusion and alarm swell within her chest as she tries to revive him. Then she recognizes the deep, even breathing and suddenly realizes what it means. Neytiri's eyes flash to the mobile Link station behind her and fix upon the gaping hole in the window.

She launches herself toward the alien structure, but a sudden burst of gunfire forces Neytiri to drop to the ground. She casts a frantic look in the direction of the noise. She has no time to battle another enemy. A tense moment passes, then a loud bellow announces the presence of a titanothere, which promptly rushes the offending gunman, leaving Neytiri free to vault inside. She bursts in and looks around, cursing the precious seconds she has just lost.

Almost immediately, Neytiri spots an alien figure lying on the floor - tiny and fragile. In one bound, she is at its side, gathering the unconscious body into her arms. "Jake! Jake!" His eyes are sightless and staring. She looks around wildly, sees the exopack nearby, and pushes the mask onto his face, her hands made clumsy with panic. Jake's breath fogs the plastic as he exhales, and Neytiri feels a glimmer of hope. He's still breathing.

But something is wrong. He draws a shallow breath, and Pandoran air leaks in under the mask. He's breathing poison."Jake." She shakes him, but he doesn't respond. The movement jostles the mask, and it starts to fall off. She catches it and fumbles with its parts, sliding one of the bands over his head. It is more secure now, but she is missing... something. The fit is not air-tight; the filter is silent; no air is flowing. Even more precious seconds tick by as she searches for some sort of button or switch.

Finally—it takes far too long—she locates it near the chin. Shoonk. The mask pressurizes in an instant, molding to Jake's face. The filter hums quietly as air washes over his pale features.

He has stopped breathing by now. "Jake. Please." Neytiri shakes the frail human body once more. "Breathe. You are safe now." She smacks him on the chest with her palm. The blow causes him to cough hard, and he finally draws a long, shuddering breath, then another. His eyes flutter to life. A relieved smile breaks over Neytiri's face, and she strokes the side of his head. "Jake."

He smiles faintly and tries to reach for her face. His hand falls back, but she catches it and places it on her cheek, holding it there. Jake smiles again. "I See you," his whispers, rasping. He sounds terrible - barely able to manage a whisper - but Neytiri barely notices. Jake's alive. He's talking to her. There are tears in her eyes as she squeezes his hand. "I See you," she echoes.

Jake starts to respond. Then he coughs violently, causing his entire body to convulse. Neytiri holds him tighter and waits for it to pass.

Then she sees the blood.

Small flecks of red spatter the inside of the breathing mask, forced out by the coughing. Jake's throat moves as he swallows, hard, then he shudders as he closes his eyes and attempts to draw another deep breath. His chest fills half-way, and then another coughing fit wracks his body. More blood. It begins trickling from his mouth and nose, collecting along the edges of the mask where it meets his skin. Neytiri freezes, relief changing to horror. Jake coughs, then gasps. Gurgles, coughs, and gurgles more feebly. There are air bubbles mixed with the blood in his mouth.

He's drowning.

"No. No no no." Neytiri's mind sings with desperation. She doesn't know what to do - she needs to remove the mask to clear Jake's lungs, but then the air will hurt him even more. She hesitates a moment, then tries to take the mask off, but it is still pressurized and refuses to budge. Jake's eyes open again and gaze at her through the bloodied plastic barrier. They are full of grief and regret and... something else. Something gentle and distant and terrifying. "Stay with me, Jake," she breathes. She sees his blood-stained lips moving behind the plastic. No sound comes out, but she can read the silent words. I'm sorry.

At that moment, Neytiri's fingers find the button that releases the mask. It falls off, dripping blood onto both of them. She shifts him so that it can drain out of his mouth, helping him with a hand pressed into his back. He manages another breath of poisoned oxygen, his lungs temporarily clear, and she scrambles to put the mask back onto his face. But he stops her hand, and she freezes.

Jake has his eyes fixed on her. With no barrier between them, she is struck by how familiar they look. They are a different color, and a different size, but they are unmistakably Jake.

"Neytiri," he croaks. Jake's voice.

"Jake, please." She moves to fit the mask again, but he shakes his head. There is a finality to the gesture. He doesn't want anything between them during this moment.

"Jake." She's begging. "Jake, I love you."

His mouth twitches into a smile as he feels her breath on his exposed face. Jake's smile.

"Neytiri," he whispers.

The mask clatters to the ground as she pulls his body to her chest and holds him.

Chapter two
__________________
All Avatar writings
-------------------
Selected writings:

You came back
How do you make up after you've done the unforgivable? Jake and Neytiri have a conversation in the wake of Hometree's destruction, during their first real moment alone following his return as Toruk Makto.

The Last Train Home
Fourteen years after the war, a lone spaceship appears in the sky. The former members of the Avatar program watch its approach expecting the worst, fearing for their adopted home. Then the ship lands. And suddenly, nothing makes sense anymore.

Five seconds too late
This is a different kind of Jake/Neytiri romance, the story that would've unfolded had she been delayed for just five seconds while trying to reach him following the fight with Quaritch.

Last edited by Sothis; 03-22-2011 at 03:18 AM.
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  #4  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:26 PM
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Wow, that is very good work, Sothis. I can definitely feel the emotion that was put into this and I felt it was done very well. The story had a good twist to it but I still felt it coming in a slightly different way. Not a bad thing, but I was imagining my own end to the story as I was reading it.
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  #5  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:37 PM
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Oh my eywa...

Not this one again. Was over 9 months since I read this for the first and probably last time! (maybe I will read it just one more time.) Don't get me wrong, it's one of the best fanfics I have ever read, but it's... well... the content makes it hard to like it. You hate to love it.

Just in case someone will take this as spoilers, I will mention the following in a spoiler tag.

Spoiler: Uncertain spoiler, just in case. 
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Last edited by LOVEavatar; 03-23-2011 at 10:41 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-24-2011, 05:12 AM
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Default Five seconds too late (Jake/Neytiri)

I'm pretty sure you could read the title and get a basic idea about what you are about to read. The tragedy of this story was something different. In no ways did it feel sappy and I could understand each emotion in each chapter. I kind of liked it that way, although the plot goes through something that no one would wish to experience (in general).
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