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Old 04-27-2011, 10:07 PM
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Taronyu
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Default Why I fight

Jake has become the rider of last shadow and is gathering his army. Yet he still feels the regrets of what happened. And he just wants to let his hurt mate know why he came back and why he fights for them.


Why I fight

The ground was filled with the thunder of hooves pounding the dirt and the air was filled with screeches and the flapping of wings. The beat of the war drums rumbling as the heart of the warrior’s moral. Jake stood there with his arm rested against a tree at the edge of a small, empty clearing in the forest surrounding the tree-of-souls. He stood there and searched through his thoughts as the clamor of the clans raged around him. They will all be heading into battle soon and Jake knew this.

He sensed a presence approaching from behind him. He turned his head slightly to his right and looked through the corner of his eye. It was Neytiri. He thought so because he knew what it was to be in her presence. He turned his head back and took a deep breath and shifted his weight off the tree and faced her.

They haven’t had any time to talk alone. They needed to talk, on what happened and why.

“Oel Ngati Kameie” Jake said as an automatic response.

“I see you” Neytiri said surprisingly in his language. Jake could sense a slight hesitation and emotional conflict in her voice. Neytiri broke eye contact for a second to form the words.

“Jake…” She muttered “I…”

“Don’t” Jake cut in.

“Look, you don’t have to forgive me.” Jake said. Neytiri took a step back in surprise.

“But, why did you come back?”

Jake looked away for a moment and turned his body and leaned against the tree again, taking in the moment to find what he wanted to say. Finally, he said still facing away,

“Because of something that the sky people taught me.”

Neytiri stepped closer to Jake’s side and looked into his eye.

“Never leave a man behind.”

He looked into Neytiri’s eyes and saw a trace of curiosity in them. He didn’t tell her much about himself or his life before he came to this world. This was probably the chance to tell her why he came back and how he was different than the rest. He took a few steps and sat on a log in the clearing and Neytiri did the same.

“Before I came here, back on earth, I choose to be a marine for the… Jar head clan… because I thought it would be good to prove that I could be someone special. To pass any test a man could pass.” He took a pause to see if Neytiri was following along. She seemed to understand everything so far.

“On my way to being a warrior, I learned what it meant to be one of them. For hundreds of years, there were many wars between many Sky people. Many of them were started by leaders who desired power. So they spread their armies to clam lands for their own and killed thousands of people in the process. The ‘clan’ I came from became involved in many of those wars because many of us believed that people shouldn’t suffer from the mistakes of others and people should live free and do what they want.”

Neytiri looked away for a moment to think about what he said. Sky people fighting other sky people for their own gain… that made sense to her because she saw what they’ve done to her people. But from what she heard from him made her think about the sky people more.

“When I finally got through training, I was eager to fight for something that my ‘clan’ always would be willing to fight for. But I never got that chance. I was sent to fight in a minor conflict that was just stupid to have been started in the first place. And during a battle, I was hit. After I recovered, I couldn’t feel my legs and I couldn’t walk anymore. So I couldn’t fight in anymore wars that might’ve happened in the future.”

Neytiri tilted her head back in confusion.

“You were hurt and you could not walk again? But how do you walk as one of us?”

“Because this body doesn’t have that wound. The machines that I and other dream walkers like Norm go into place our sprits into these bodies. But that doesn't matter right now."

He continued, “I’m guessing you want me to tell you how I got into this mess in the first place?” Slowly, she nodded.

“It started with me finding out that my brother was killed.” Neytiri shuddered when the words left his lips. Jake’s voice stopped just before he was about to continue. “Hell... him being dead is the sole reason I’m here.” He turned his head to Neytiri and took her hand into his.

“He was the one who was supposed to come here. He was a scientist like Norm and Grace.” He then placed her hands onto his chest. “He was the one who was supposed to have this body, not me.” He released her hands “Because he was dead, the sky people came looking for me to take his place just so they can save their money. I was basically an accident.”

Jake looked away at the ground as he continued. “When I got here, nobody really liked me, not even Grace. She thought I was just another one of the careless bastards who just get paid to shoot anything they saw. But those bastards found an opportunity with me. Because I was able to dreamwalk, they ordered me to come to you to get what they wanted to destroy Hometree. I didn’t know what to think because they offered to fix my legs when I was done here.”

“Those sky people aren’t like the people I worked with before I came here. Some of them were like the warrior I was, but they became blind and came here because they were promised a big reward of money for just doing what they want.”

He looked over at her and saw a battle of emotions in her face. She didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know if she should be angry or feel sorry.

“Half-way through this thing I didn’t know what to do from all of the things I’ve seen. But when things got out of hand, when they saw me trying to stop the dozer at the tree of voices, they thought I was a traitor, so I wouldn’t get my legs back when I returned home. And because their main source of diplomacy seemed to desert them, they lost their patience and brought the rain to Hometree. I...” he stopped. He couldn’t say he wanted to help them because it might sound like he was going to blame her for not listening at the time. He did not want to hurt her… not after seeing what she has been through.

He looked over at Neytiri again but she was turned away with her head bent down thinking with a battle of emotions going through her mind. Jake felt he explained enough and just placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Look, I just want to let you know that… I’m sorry.” Neytiri slowly turned he head to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry for you, your father and your people. And I'm sorry I lied to you. I don’t care if this thing is enough to make up for all of that. I just want no more of this world to suffer. That's why I fight.”

Jake lifted his hand off of Neytiri’s shoulder and lifted himself off the log and began to walk away. Neytiri still sat and watched Jake disappear into the now twi-lite forest. She sat there, looked out and images went through he her head. The moment Jake confessed to the clan that he was just a massager for the sky people. She recalled the feeling of shouting out in anger at him when she realized she was betrayed and listening to him when he was asking for forgiveness. The moment where they were waiting for the sky people to come and Jake and Grace yelling at them to run and escape, the moment when they were running from the flames set to Hometree and seeing Jake tied up, looking for what seemed to be an eternity, and running away from him. Leaving him. And she saw what was of now. Him, the sixth rider of Last Shadow.

She stood up and ran into the woods after Jake. She ran and ran, till she found him walking through the glowing jungle.
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Last edited by Rainbowhawk1993; 08-17-2011 at 06:47 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-27-2011, 10:08 PM
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“Jake!” She called out. He turned to her voice to see her jumped forward and wrapped her arms around him. Jake was completely off guard and almost fell from it. She clung to him so tightly that Jake felt she could not be removed. “I forgive you.” She said with her face buried in his shoulder and tears begain to seep onto his skin. “Now, I must ask for your forgiveness.”

Jake was surprised when he heard the words leave her lips. “You don’t haf’ta apal-”

“Kehe!” Neytiri pulled back abruptly away from him, her eyes now drenched with tears. “You are only saying these things because you feel the truth will hurt me. Is that true?”

Jake opened his mouth to answer. But he couldn’t say anything to try and hold back some deep regrets

“We are mated, Jake.” Neytiri said with a hint of guilt in her voice. “Ewya brought us together. You asked for forgiveness when the sky people were coming. You wanted the people to leave to be safe… and we only saw you and grace as one of them. I left you to die when you wanted to help. Do you not feel anything for what I did?”

Jake looked in her eyes. “You didn’t know that-”

“-you would become Toruk Makto? Jake, it does not matter! Mates do not abandon one another! You did not abandon me even after I wanted you gone. There is blame that I have, Jake, even if you say there isn’t.”

Jake looked at her tear soaked face for a second and looked down to think about what she said. He then felt her fingers on his check and looked into her eyes once again. He stared in them for a while and finally placed his hand on her wrist.

“If you feel you have guilt, then I’ve already forgiven you.”

There was a long pause between them until Neytiri finally said “Do you want me?”

Jake was a little shocked by the question. He didn’t know what to say.

“I choose you, Jake. I choose your sprit. And I said before, 'Sprit is all that matters.'”

Jake searched through his feelings. Finally he looked into his mate’s eyes and said “Yes.”

They looked in each other’s eyes for a long time. Then they came into each other’s arms again. Neytiri buried her head into Jake’s shoulder again, with more tears seeping onto his skin. Jake gently brushed his check against her hair, breathing in her sprit. They stood there, the both of them, in each other’s arms, together again, not to be broken... ever again.

Authors note:Please, please please, if you like it, tell it to your friends to read it. And I want alot of critiques to see how I did. It will mean so much to me. Thank you.
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Last edited by Rainbowhawk1993; 06-01-2011 at 11:31 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-29-2011, 02:24 AM
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Wow, this is great!

I really enjoyed reading this! I think you captured the emotion brilliantly and if this is you're first go, it's a darn good one!
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Old 04-29-2011, 02:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Marley View Post
Wow, this is great!

I really enjoyed reading this! I think you captured the emotion brilliantly and if this is you're first go, it's a darn good one!
You don't know how much this means to me! This in fact is my first go. and to have my frist comment say it catches the emotion buatifuly, well... I justy can't find a place to start. Thank you so much!!!
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Last edited by Rainbowhawk1993; 04-29-2011 at 02:42 AM.
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Old 05-01-2011, 09:51 AM
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I like it!

I mean, really! IT'S BRILLIANT! One of the best fictions I've read!
For the record, I quite liked the part about the Sky People..

But honestly, It's great. Much enjoyed reading it.
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Old 05-01-2011, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Advent View Post
I like it!

I mean, really! IT'S BRILLIANT! One of the best fictions I've read!
For the record, I quite liked the part about the Sky People..

But honestly, It's great. Much enjoyed reading it.
I mostly got my insperation from "You came back" but I didn't quite like where the characters went in that fan-fic so I dicied to write my own event in that time frame. I wanted to say something about his marine part of hime because I belivied that was the spark of him wanting to fight for them. "I was a freedom fighter, now I am a leader."

If people would want to critque more on this, maybe you can compair this to you came back and tell me what you like better and things I should have done better. Please and thank you.

By the way advent, Thank you so much.
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Old 05-05-2011, 03:02 AM
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This is Brilliant! There is nothing more to add!
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:55 AM
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For a first fanfic, I do quite like this a lot (although it is, to me, very clearly a first go - while you have the ideas, you don't quite yet have the surety of a more experienced writer. But, hey, that'll come with practice). One thing - be sure to double-check your writing. You've misspelled a couple things, and in one case you write 'the' instead of 'they'. There are also a few missed capitals, and the paragraphing towards the end loses some sense - it took me a few rereads to work out who was saying what, and I still remain confused by Neytiri saying:

Quote:
Do you want me? I choose you, Jake. You are a warrior. It does not matter what form you are in, sprit is all that matters.
(spelling error aside) I'm not entirely sure what she is getting at.

I do like how you brought things back to his being a former Marine, as I also see this as a large part of his perceived sense of self and also his motivation (if you are trained and indoctrinated to believe that you fight for freedom, you're going to go and try and do exactly that).

If you REALLY want to know...yes, I do like "You Came Back" better. This is both because of the writing-style, and I really like where the characters go, the conversation they have and where they end up.

That said, there is nothing wrong in multiple people poking at the same issue and imagined scene - we're all going to have different takes on what happened, so we all have something different to add.

It is, however, a little odd that you've asked to be compared with another fic - to me, it doesn't really feel like the thing to do. That's just my opinion, though.
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Ashen Key View Post
For a first fanfic, I do quite like this a lot (although it is, to me, very clearly a first go - while you have the ideas, you don't quite yet have the surety of a more experienced writer. But, hey, that'll come with practice). One thing - be sure to double-check your writing. You've misspelled a couple things, and in one case you write 'the' instead of 'they'. There are also a few missed capitals, and the paragraphing towards the end loses some sense - it took me a few rereads to work out who was saying what, and I still remain confused by Neytiri saying:



(spelling error aside) I'm not entirely sure what she is getting at.

I do like how you brought things back to his being a former Marine, as I also see this as a large part of his perceived sense of self and also his motivation (if you are trained and indoctrinated to believe that you fight for freedom, you're going to go and try and do exactly that).

If you REALLY want to know...yes, I do like "You Came Back" better. This is both because of the writing-style, and I really like where the characters go, the conversation they have and where they end up.

That said, there is nothing wrong in multiple people poking at the same issue and imagined scene - we're all going to have different takes on what happened, so we all have something different to add.

It is, however, a little odd that you've asked to be compared with another fic - to me, it doesn't really feel like the thing to do. That's just my opinion, though.
Thank you for the critque, I will get to the spell checking soon. to answer your question, Neytiri was asking him if he still wanted to have her as a mate because she still loved him for who he was. I just changed it just now so it will make sense. Personaly, I chose this path because I didn't want it to end with lemon juice. Further more, I think that the other one had the blame primaraly on jake and It made me feel that it was jakes problem the whole time. I wrote this to have a burdin on both of the characters and those burdens would get them back together.
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Last edited by Rainbowhawk1993; 05-05-2011 at 06:19 PM.
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Old 05-05-2011, 11:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Rainbowhawk1993 View Post
Thank you for the critque, I will get to the spell checking soon. to answer your question, Neytiri was asking him if he still wanted to have her as a mate because she still loved him for who he was. I just changed it just now so it will make sense. Personaly, I chose this path because I didn't want it to end with lemon juice. Further more, I think that the other one had the blame primaraly on jake and It made me feel that it was jakes problem the whole time. I wrote this to have a burdin on both of the characters and those burdens would get them back together.
I. Yeah, if you are using Word, I recommend keeping the spell-check on; if you are using FF, it should have a built-in dictionary - not sure about other types of browser, but I really do recommend it. I'm dyslexic myself, and spell-checker (although it can make mistakes) is just a wonderful thing.

And yep, I get that that was what she was asking, but the sentence structure made little sense and it just rang awkwardly to my mind's ear.

And that is perfectly fair! As I said, we all have different views of how this conversation would have gone down. Personally, I'm more with Sothis' take - I think under the circumstances, Neytiri was perfectly entitled to be exceedingly upset at him - but overall, she certainly wasn't blameLESS, either (husband or no husband, Jake messed up - but then again, did he KNOW he was getting married to her, and so on). But this doesn't mean your own take isn't perfectly valid, and I can certainly see you were aiming for them both being in the wrong. It's not where I'd put it, but it works well enough
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