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Old 03-21-2010, 12:24 AM
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Default The Girl.

Quote:
The Old Days

There was long time ago a pure girl, whose dress was as white as snow and who enjoyed laughing around the green hills of the forest. She didn't have name, but those who found her didn't ever return to their homes, following the young throughout the countryside. She was free, beautiful, bright.

But not for long.

A dark amorphous monster appeared from the darkest shadows of the trees; he had been jealous of her and watched her pass by with resentment. Once she was near him, he took advantage of the situation, and appeared suddenly in front of the girl, getting over her. She just had time to ask an answerless "Why" before the black mass drowned her.

However, instead of leaving a corpse, a bellflower appeared in the middle of the dead grass. In a first stance all the people who followed the girl cried for it, but as the days passed by they "woke up". They said "What am I doing, crying for a dead girl? There are more important things, for God's sake". And so, the world began to become a darker place; and so the flower began to die.
Quote:
The Meeting

Now I've found you dry in the middle of the undergrowth; and I, worn completely in black, shared one of my few tears with you. I saw what you were before, and what we became. And I cried in the silence of the night.

Little white bellflower, you told me to decide. To decide whether to love you, or kill you. Whether to carry you on my back through the obscure city and withstand the intolerance to light of their inhabitants; or rather go with the dark flow of comfort and emptiness. Whether to die for you or die for nothing.

I picked your crumbly stem, stared at your petals and decided. I put you in the closest pocket to my heart. You called me Stoneheart, because I had never felt anything at all. And I tried to answer you back with a name for you, but I couldn't find a word to describe what you were.

Although dry, you had always been alive in those who have looked for you; as in the old days.

And so I brought you to the city; and surprisingly it wasn't you who were afraid of it, but I. You drove away the fog around me and let me see what happened in my home; what the dark monster made us. I saw the people staring at empty screens forever, cars and chimneys expelling black smoke to the gray sky, the black rain and the people who were covered in the darkest shadows and whom nobody looked at.

Bellflower, you told me about the monster who drowned you. That inform being who hid in the shadows, now controlled every single aspect of our lives. I could hear his voice in the radio, in the morning debates where there was nothing to be heard but shouts; I could see his shadow in the TV, showing us that all the bad things we did were good and we could keep doing them with clear conscience; I could read him in the newspapers in which the words hid pure hatred. You told me, bellflower, once he had no opponents he focused on mankind, and penetrated their minds and their souls. His fog was everywhere, and didn't let anyone think, feel, live.

You told me to go right: so we did; walking about the streets of the district. Everything was silent under the moonlight, which illuminated the dirt and the ponds of urine in the middle of our way. We didn't care. We kept going until we found a dirty wire fencing with a forbidden sing. "We cannot get in there" I stated, but your voice replied "There's nothing forbidden, when there's nothing to be hidden". Further away from us, there was the main river of the town.

We finally reached it. You told me to see, if it was as clean as it used to be; but once I put my hand in the cold water I felt the broken glass, the stained cans and the dead fish as the brown water ran. A few yards away from us, the main piper of the whole area which disposed our waste; and on the horizon, a dark skyline of industries taking out their smoke to the air, as if they fabricated black clouds.

I wanted to shout, but my voice was quiet by the lack of use. I wanted to run, but my legs were weak because I was told to never need them. I wanted to hide, but I found that there was no corner where the monster couldn't find me. And in that moment I realized, that until then I had never actually lived. I had worked for, been educated by and worshiped the monster.

"Tell me, bellflower, how were things before the monster arrived..." I asked while walking back to the main street, in the middle of the darkness; only perturbed by the weak light of the streetlamps. Your slight voice only replied a word: "Simpler". And I understood what it meant; even though it could mean so many things, I didn't want to ask again, you seemed weaker every minute that passed. And every step we took throughout the way, I couldn't help feeling a stranger in my own home.

"I shall leave you here, Stoneheart" you whispered; six words which felt like the cold rain running down my back. Anxiously, I looked inside my pocket, but you had faded away leaving a petal with two last words: Be brave. Soon I was going to know what it meant.
Quote:
The Trial


Everything turned black suddenly, and I felt a great pain on the back of my neck. When I regained consciousness, I was in the middle of an old granite court, where the banks and seats were made of the coldest stone. A weak light from the two candles which stood up in the high, high platform lighted up a dark figure who was sitting in front of my place and staring at me. As I realized where I was, I looked to my hands and saw they had been tied up with wet, old rope. The smell of saltpeter and dry blood filled the room. I shivered.

An unknown voice with no owner echoed throughout the room.

"Good night, sir Atrum, your Honor! The prisoner who's standing before you will be judged today by your benevolent hand, your Honor; being accused of standing up to late hours of the night with certain companies; more exactly, the one we know by the name of She; as your Honor knows..." and the voice suddenly went over my left ear, almost yelling with a profound disrespect "You should be proud of being on trial with sir Atrum, you ungrateful boy; he doesn't take the cases himself very often." I felt a harsh push on my shoulder, and then the voice returned to its previous place.

"Call the police inspector!" yelled the invisible prosecutor

A policeman, suited in his black uniform, suddenly appeared from within a mass of shadows in the lower platform. Atrum made his loud and deep voice resound in the whole room "As the only witness of the incident, we expect you to bring this court a detailed explanation, officer."

"Certainly your Honor." replied the officer with a cold and monotonic voice "I was in my usual night patrol when I sighted the subject, citizen number 60X9427, talking alone in the middle of the street. I expected him to be drunk or in drugs, so following the protocol I knocked him out and checked his pockets in search of narcotics or alcohol; but for my surprise I found a strange object inside his raincoat, which made me go blind for a few minutes. I would have brought it as a piece of evidence, but you must understand, you Honor, that due to the nature of the object I destroyed it"

"You acted properly, officer" said the voice, this time with a quiet tone

"I'm a servant of the law, prosecutor. I just do my work the best I can"

"Enough officer" said Atrum, and he faded away in the same way he appeared. "Citizen, how do you plead?"

"What am I accused of?"

"You don't have permission to ask sir Atrum, piece of sh*t!" interrupted the prosecutor "Answer him!"

"If it's a crime to stay up in the night with Her, I am guilty."

"Then there's no need to keep the session going, your Honor."

"Citizen, it's capital punishment for being with that kind of companies; you know what that means?"

"But why do I deserve to die for being with Her?" I said, feeling the angst running up to my throat when I knew my fate. Atrum bended on his stone seat and stared at me with a malicious smile, and told the prosecutor to leave the room for a moment.

He, a shadow, the monster, went down the stone platform and adopted my stature. With his black eyes looking at me and with a cold smile on his face, he went near me and whispered "Let's talk, peer to peer". I shuddered while he put his arm around my shoulder; obviously, trying to be warm. He took me out the court to the corridor, where a slight cold sea breeze blew within the darkness.

I shall never forget the conversation we had. The monster told me about the great manipulator of people, as he called Her: always giving kind words about unreachable utopias, false hope to lost souls; and those who fell into Her trap never returned. Instead, the benevolent monster decided to end with the problem, and gave progress and home to the people. He told me about all the things I had: television, computer, hot water,... How ungrateful I was, he exclaimed.

"Don't fall like others did, it's probably the worst decision you could make. She offers you impossible dreams, I offer you a safe home, food and heat. Go back to your life, son; I set you free."

And he called the invisible voice, who grabbed me harshly and pushed me out of the building.

"Good night, f*cker"
Unfinished tale I wanted to share.

Continuation here

Notes: Atrum is the Latin word for Dark.
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Last edited by ZenitYerkes; 03-26-2010 at 09:17 AM.
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Old 03-21-2010, 01:05 AM
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Very unique piece of fiction. I won't lie when I say that I would very much like to read more of this.

Please, finish it I like your style of writing
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Old 03-21-2010, 01:39 AM
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i just got chills man. thats AWESOME.
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Old 03-21-2010, 08:59 AM
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It sure gave me the chills .. Nice work man
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:24 AM
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I liked it too, ZenitYerkes, please continue it!

I find it totally related to what we are doing to ourselves and to our own planet.
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:43 AM
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nice style - did you write it ?
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Old 03-21-2010, 01:33 PM
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Thanks people for the comments! It means a lot for me, really

I'm going to update it several times and see if I can complete it by the end of the next week.
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Last edited by ZenitYerkes; 03-21-2010 at 02:09 PM.
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Old 03-21-2010, 04:56 PM
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I like this a lot ZenitYerkes, a very nice style of writing.
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Old 03-21-2010, 07:56 PM
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Zenit, that was beautiful. I want to see more of the story . Please upload the rest.
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:18 PM
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Second update. I'm not sure if the story is going in the way I intended it to be; I mean I know what to put but not in which order. I'll need to think over it this night.
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Last edited by ZenitYerkes; 03-21-2010 at 09:34 PM.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:44 AM
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An amazing piece of work, I would read more
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"Kia Hora te Marino Kia Whakapapa Pounamu te Moana Kia tere te Karohirori I Mua to Huarahi

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Old 03-22-2010, 10:14 PM
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I need advice people: should I take out the trial and keep going on with the "original style"? I mean that until the last update it was kind of poetic and now turned out to be narrative.
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Old 03-22-2010, 10:16 PM
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i like it well written, and idk it sounds great with both togather if you ask me
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Old 03-22-2010, 11:50 PM
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I like it the wayt it is, although keeping it poetic couls be quite nice aswell
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Tane-Mahuta (God of The Forest)

Namaste -- "the Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."

"Kia Hora te Marino Kia Whakapapa Pounamu te Moana Kia tere te Karohirori I Mua to Huarahi

May the calm be widespread May the sea glisten like that of greenstone May the shimmering light guide you on your journey"
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  #15  
Old 03-23-2010, 12:40 AM
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Yes, very nice ZenitYerkes. Looking forward to more updates.
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