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  #1  
Old 09-07-2011, 11:58 PM
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Tsamsiyu
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So I finished and actual novel I have been working on for the better part of a year and found I had a void left in my life. I pulled out a pen and a pad of paper and somehow this appeared. Its a tad more cynical then Avatar was and I ended up adding a bit more of a cyberpunk feel to it, but then again pretty much everything I write is like that.

I am going to link the fanfiction.net page here mainly because it is easier. If I keep the same writing schedule I had when working on my novel(which is now in the editing phase) I should manage about three chapters a week.

I did deviate on a few things and made some stuff up on the fly(not every piece of tech in Avatar has a name apparently much to my chagrin). Anyway let me know what you think and hopefully I will find time to keep this moving.

Unshackled Chapter 1, an avatar fanfic - FanFiction.Net
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Sweet is the lore which Nature brings;
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  #2  
Old 09-08-2011, 05:03 PM
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Quote:
Most of it was occupied by two additional antimatter engines, allowing the ship to shave a few years off of its interstellar voyages.
Excuse me stewardess, but interstellar travel doesn't work the way you imply it does.

Also, $1.21bn might be a more appropriate value. ( 1 giga = 1,000,000,000. It's not 1,000,000,000,000.)
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  #3  
Old 09-08-2011, 05:57 PM
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Constructive criticism FTW.
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  #4  
Old 09-09-2011, 03:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clarke View Post
Excuse me stewardess, but interstellar travel doesn't work the way you imply it does.

Also, $1.21bn might be a more appropriate value. ( 1 giga = 1,000,000,000. It's not 1,000,000,000,000.)

Hey hey ya know what....it works that way now. Technology marched on and I am just to lazy/brain is to fried to figure out how.

Yeah well its not supposed to perfectly equate to a gigawatt...its just supposed to be large.

Expect Chapter 3 sometime tomorrow.
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  #5  
Old 09-13-2011, 12:08 PM
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Yeah well its not supposed to perfectly equate to a gigawatt...its just supposed to be large.
Well, yeah, but then you could have 1.21 jiggabucks.

Also, re: chapter 3, may I suggest you take the mickey slightly more subtly?
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Last edited by Clarke; 09-13-2011 at 12:14 PM.
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  #6  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:44 PM
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(Sorry for the doublepost, but it's sort-of important.)
Quote:
Outside the clouds had finally broken and sunlight filtered down between the buildings, glinting off the aerial vehicles that darted around high overhead. It was now late "afternoon" and (STAR NAME) would soon set.
"Alpha Centuari" is the string you're looking for, TEST SUBJECT NAME HERE.
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  #7  
Old 09-14-2011, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clarke View Post
(Sorry for the doublepost, but it's sort-of important.)

"Alpha Centuari" is the string you're looking for, TEST SUBJECT NAME HERE.
You know there are afternoons/days when I really shouldn't be allowed to write....
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  #8  
Old 09-14-2011, 11:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyvaris View Post
You know there are afternoons/days when I really shouldn't be allowed to write....
What I tend to do is, when I'm writing and have things to look up/fill in later, I put them in red text. Makes it much easier to see when doing a read over. Might help you?
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Old 09-15-2011, 02:26 AM
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For sure Ashen, especially with really long things
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  #10  
Old 09-17-2011, 03:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Ashen Key View Post
What I tend to do is, when I'm writing and have things to look up/fill in later, I put them in red text. Makes it much easier to see when doing a read over. Might help you?
See I write out EVERYTHING by hand first, leaving gaps like that. I usually catch things like that...odd that I didn't this time.

If you think thats bad ask Clarke about the novel I have been working on. One of my characters was called FM(female main) for about three months or so. Oddly enough I used that as a "joke" later on.

Anyway besides my little slip ups what do people think? Also the "plot" shall most definitely be kicking off this week. Lots of stuff is going to happen, and its going to be ohh so fun.
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  #11  
Old 09-17-2011, 03:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Cyvaris View Post
See I write out EVERYTHING by hand first, leaving gaps like that. I usually catch things like that...odd that I didn't this time.
Ah, interesting! I'm dyslexic enough, with bad enough handwriting, that I'm a 'straight into Word' kind of author. Still, when you are typing it up, red text is a wonderful way of noting things. And blue! Occasionally, my stories (and stories that I beta for others) look like a rainbow *g*

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Originally Posted by Cyvaris View Post
If you think thats bad ask Clarke about the novel I have been working on. One of my characters was called FM(female main) for about three months or so. Oddly enough I used that as a "joke" later on.
Hah! Well, this is what drafts are for! I have [INSERT NAME HERE] in a couple of places, too.

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Originally Posted by Cyvaris View Post
Anyway besides my little slip ups what do people think? Also the "plot" shall most definitely be kicking off this week. Lots of stuff is going to happen, and its going to be ohh so fun.
Sadly, RL has been draining enough (oh, work. Oh, cover letters) that I haven't read much yet (want to give it my full attention), but I'll get around to it as soon as I can.
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  #12  
Old 09-20-2011, 12:42 PM
‘Eylan
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I gave your fanfiction a try a few days ago, and while it does have some great imagination, you really need to go back and edit it. There are a lot of small errors, ex. like missing periods, that are very distracting to me. However, I will keep reading it, since I would love to see how it unfolds.

Last edited by Mother of the Forest; 09-20-2011 at 12:44 PM.
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  #13  
Old 09-22-2011, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother of the Forest View Post
I gave your fanfiction a try a few days ago, and while it does have some great imagination, you really need to go back and edit it. There are a lot of small errors, ex. like missing periods, that are very distracting to me. However, I will keep reading it, since I would love to see how it unfolds.
Yeah this has just sort of ended up being a side project. I intend to go back and edit at some point....between work, school, interning, and editing an actual novel I seem to not have anytime. Worst part is I am now down a computer so...yeah life is fun right now.
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  #14  
Old 09-23-2011, 01:48 AM
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^ I understand. You're editing a novel right now, you said?
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  #15  
Old 09-24-2011, 11:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Mother of the Forest View Post
^ I understand. You're editing a novel right now, you said?
Yep, and Ewya is it rough. Considering I had some major plot elements change while I was writing I have to go back and change a lot of things. Also over the 6-8 months it took me to write it I have drastically improved my self-editing while writing. I print everything out to edit. Some pages have more blue/red/green pen on them then black print!

Also got most of my computer issues fixed. Finally got my shiny gaming desktop and my router to play nice, so I downloaded OpenOffice and am using that to continue writing. Sort of sad I missed a day this week as the chapter that would have gone of Friday has a great "end" to it. Anyway back at it, hopefully without anymore interruptions.


Also outside of constructive criticism on grammar/spelling, what are people's thoughts on the plot and characters so far?
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