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  #1  
Old 08-31-2015, 06:49 PM
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Default Heart of Fire - A ProfundHeart FanFic


Kaltxi ma tsmukan and tsmuke!

I've recently began authoring an AVATAR FanFic. I've finished the first chapter/prologue, just to see how it does! Give it a read and let me know what you think. I'd be honored. Irayo!

Also there will be cover art and all of that, but seeing as my account is new I have to wait until 24 hours after my sign-up to add such things.

Anyways, here's the link!


https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11481298/1/Heart-of-Fire


Oel Ngati Kameie,


Always.


PH
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  #2  
Old 09-02-2015, 05:44 AM
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"Slice of life" fanfics are the best! I can't wait for more; now I'm curious what's keeping Jake awake at night. Though it is a bit short, I like how you got through the exposition while holding the reader's attention with a hint of the story's main conflict. Also, I really like the imagery here; you crammed a lot in a really short bit of text and still managed to make it flow somewhat smoothly from one idea to the next.

Keep up the good work.
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  #3  
Old 09-02-2015, 03:52 PM
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Definitely keep on going. I'm enjoying all the richly-detailed descriptions and I also want to know what's buzzing in Jake's head.
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  #4  
Old 09-02-2015, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sight Unseen View Post
"Slice of life" fanfics are the best! I can't wait for more; now I'm curious what's keeping Jake awake at night. Though it is a bit short, I like how you got through the exposition while holding the reader's attention with a hint of the story's main conflict. Also, I really like the imagery here; you crammed a lot in a really short bit of text and still managed to make it flow somewhat smoothly from one idea to the next.

Keep up the good work.
Wow! Irayo! I always appreciate feedback, but constructive is the best kind. Positive words are just a bonus! So thank you! On top of that, what's funny is the chapter initially was twice as long as it is now. I cut it down mostly because I wanted to make it easily readable, so I could get an idea if it was worth continuing on. I'm a descriptive writer and will continue such a pattern throughout the whole story, so count on that! The ensuing chapters will be longer as well. I should have Chapter 2 out by the end of the week but I'll keep the forum posted!

Irayo Sight Unseen! Stay tuned!


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Definitely keep on going. I'm enjoying all the richly-detailed descriptions and I also want to know what's buzzing in Jake's head.
Empty Glass! Kaltxi! Been some time, ma 'eylan!

I really appreciate your thoughts, irayo! Like I said above, stay tuned for more. It's coming
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  #5  
Old 09-03-2015, 05:42 AM
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Empty Glass! Kaltxi! Been some time, ma 'eylan!

I really appreciate your thoughts, irayo! Like I said above, stay tuned for more. It's coming
You're welcome! I look forward to more. Been some time indeed, good to see you here again.
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Old 09-05-2015, 06:20 AM
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You're welcome! I look forward to more. Been some time indeed, good to see you here again.
Good to see you too, ma tsmukan!

More is on the way!
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Old 09-08-2015, 12:52 AM
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I really liked it, especially the emphasis on Jake getting used to living on Pandora.
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Old 09-08-2015, 02:44 AM
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I really liked it, especially the emphasis on Jake getting used to living on Pandora.
Irayo, ma tsmukan!
Oel ngati kameie.

Chapter 2 is nearly finished. I'll post in here again when I've updated the story!
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Old 09-08-2015, 06:41 PM
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Chapter 2 is up!!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11481298/2/Heart-of-Fire
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Old 09-08-2015, 10:41 PM
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FWIW, this sentence doesn't work
Quote:
No longer embroidered by the enchanting glow of bioluminescent colour thriving in the Pandoran twilight, Alpha Centuri's life sustaining star makes the land much more sensible
Alpha Centauri's the name of the star, the planet (the one Pandora is orbiting) is called Polyphemus.
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clarke View Post
FWIW, this sentence doesn't work

Alpha Centauri's the name of the star, the planet (the one Pandora is orbiting) is called Polyphemus.

Ah yes. Thank you!
I've fixed it now. How'd you enjoy it otherwise?
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  #12  
Old 09-09-2015, 06:59 AM
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Again, I'm enjoying all the rich details, like the different seating arrangements. I also think you've got the characters' personalities down pretty well; Mo'at in particular seems to be well written-out. Keep it up!
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  #13  
Old 09-09-2015, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Empty Glass View Post
Again, I'm enjoying all the rich details, like the different seating arrangements. I also think you've got the characters' personalities down pretty well; Mo'at in particular seems to be well written-out. Keep it up!

Irayo, ma tsmukan!
You always offer insightful feedback.

I'm trying to work out the subtleties of each characters' tendencies. In the film we typically always found them responding/reacting to a very stimulating event or conversation. Finding their voices in a more casual setting is proving to be a fun, but challenging test!
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProfoundHeart View Post

Irayo, ma tsmukan!
You always offer insightful feedback.

I'm trying to work out the subtleties of each characters' tendencies. In the film we typically always found them responding/reacting to a very stimulating event or conversation. Finding their voices in a more casual setting is proving to be a fun, but challenging test!
You're welcome indeed, and I'm glad you think my feedback is insightful. I imagine getting the characters' voices down must be challenging, but I think you're on the right track.
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  #15  
Old 09-14-2015, 01:24 AM
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Ah yes. Thank you!
I've fixed it now. How'd you enjoy it otherwise?
I thought it was great, apart from a little awkward language.
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