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  #1  
Old 03-15-2010, 09:53 AM
Pamtseo Vitra
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Default Haiku poetry.

These are some exapmles of Japanese Haiku poems I have written over the last couple of days.

For thouse of you unsure as to what a Haiku is exactly, it is a Japanese poem with 3 lines consisting of 5, 7 and 5 syllables (or "on" in Japanese) respectively. These poems often consist of two 'parts' where there is a noticable break in the flow of the poem. It must also contain a "kigo" a word or two describing the season of the poem is set in. Common indications are; Cherry blossoms for spring, mosquitos for summer and snow for winter, but again, there could be more familiar indications used.

While these rules are very strict in Japanese Haiku, Haiku written in other languages can have the rules bent slightly, but I try and stick to the Japanese rules for authenticity's sake.

I am really quite new to writing these, so any feedback, particularly if you could tell which season they are set in, would be greatly appreciated.

I once was a child
Lying upon the sweet grass-
But the world grew up.

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A breath of fresh air
As never experienced;
A blossom opens.

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The sun warms the skin
Feeling sparks in a moment;
A quick glance skywards.

----------------------------------------------

The drab and cold world
By experiences-
Is made beautiful.

----------------------------------------------

As light bathes our land
A common thought plagues the mind...
How came this beauty?
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Last edited by Fkeu'itan; 03-15-2010 at 12:24 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-19-2010, 09:46 PM
Seshat Tsahk's Avatar
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The spirit of Haiku is how much so few words can say, and your Haiku speaks such vastness of beauty. I'm glad you shared these!
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Old 03-19-2010, 11:38 PM
Pamtseo Vitra
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The spirit of Haiku is how much so few words can say, and your Haiku speaks such vastness of beauty. I'm glad you shared these!
Thank you very much indeed. Your words mean everything to me.
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Old 03-20-2010, 06:06 AM
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I read your other poems, so I decided to see if you had written anything else and found these. I've never really been a fan of Haiku, but you've changed my mind. These are beautiful and I really enjoyed reading them. Thank you for sharing!
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Old 03-20-2010, 11:38 AM
Pamtseo Vitra
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I read your other poems, so I decided to see if you had written anything else and found these. I've never really been a fan of Haiku, but you've changed my mind. These are beautiful and I really enjoyed reading them. Thank you for sharing!
Not a problem. I'm glad you enjoyed them.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:09 PM
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Very nice. It's good to see that your poetry is not all darkness and dispair. There is some light and beauty in there too.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:24 PM
Pamtseo Vitra
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Originally Posted by neytirifanboy View Post
Very nice. It's good to see that your poetry is not all darkness and dispair. There is some light and beauty in there too.
Oh yeah, there is plenty of light, it's just that at the time of writing of much of my poetry, i'm pretty much lost in PAD.
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Old 04-30-2010, 06:22 PM
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By "seasons" I will assume you mean: spring, summer, fall, and winter. Very nice work on the haikus. The thing I like about the haiku is that the writer is obligated to pack much meaning within a tiny window (I believe someone else mentioned this, too).


I once was a child
Lying upon the sweet grass-
But the world grew up.


This haiku seems to signify that someone has lived into adulthood. To me, this seems to express Fall.


A breath of fresh air
As never experienced;
A blossom opens.


This haiku expresses new sensation, as if something is new to the world. Spring appears to be a good season for this haiku.


The sun warms the skin
Feeling sparks in a moment;
A quick glance skywards.


This haiku seems to be about Summer.


The drab and cold world
By experiences-
Is made beautiful.


This haiku seems to be about Winter. While the environment is cold and unforgiving, the experiences one has gained throughout the other seasons gives beauty where beauty may not be immediately apparent.
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  #9  
Old 04-30-2010, 10:43 PM
Pamtseo Vitra
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Thank you for the feedback Sonoran, you are indeed correct about the seasons they depict and your analysis is accurate as ever. Thank you for reading.
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Old 08-14-2010, 10:39 PM
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A few more Haiku I wrote recently.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aslash the blue sky,
Between the dreamworld and wake,
Paired Kittiwakes dance.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just as one may think,
The world is lost in a mire,
Suns may grant their gift.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking my rest here,
Twix'd the unfurling mother,
The boundaries do fall.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We laugh and we cry,
A thousand million suns,
Coating us in love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Come, beckon the moon,
O wide sky of burnt ochre.
Call the sun to rest.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The past is the past.
The future can ne'er be told.
Live for our moment.
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