Heres one I wrote a while back - Tree of Souls - An Avatar Community Forum
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  #1  
Old 11-07-2011, 05:30 PM
Tsamsiyu
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Default Heres one I wrote a while back

Monotone voices screaming
Awake but I'm still dreaming
Eyes closed and now I'm seeing
Dirty engine needs a cleaning.

Layered in a black filth
Hidden behind a petty wealth
Hums low
It must grow.

Melody is losing pace
Nothing but a noisy race.

But I can hear the screaming
Eyes can't see the need for cleaning.

Turn on the light and it's clearly seen
But corrupted minds don't know what it means.

Getting louder now,
The damp dark is seeping.
Can't tell except when I'm dreaming.
Cause engine still needs feeding.

Can't see, Can't see
Hidden beneath a murky sea.

But blind man can see clearly.
Clear as a dream,
A pristine stream.
It flows. It flows,
slowly grows.

No hiding from this enemy.
Unstoppable is this meaning.
Give the engine a final cleaning,
Overcome their wicked weening,
Give this dream true being.
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"Pardon me, I wanna live in a fantasy"

"I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on"

It seems like everybody is moving forward. As if there is some final goal they can achieve and get to. I don't get it though. When I look around, it seems like I'm already there, and there is nothing left to do.

"You think you're so clever and classless and free, but you're still ****ing peasants as far as I can see."

I wish I could take just one hour of what I experience out in nature, wrap it in a box, put a bow on it, and start handing out to people

Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land

I know I was born and I know that I'll die; The in between is mine."
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  #2  
Old 11-07-2011, 06:29 PM
Moco Loco's Avatar
Dandy Lion
Moco Loco is a lion in a low place
 
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Location: New Orleans
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I didn't have a good concrete grasp of the message (but maybe it's not that kind of poem, ), but I liked all the imagery
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  #3  
Old 11-07-2011, 06:42 PM
Tsamsiyu
Theorist wants to go to all the go inbetweens
 
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It's supposed to be society/humanity is like an engine that's running dirty. And when a car engine runs dirty, it sprays oil everywhere the more and more it runs. And that oil becomes a black filth covering everything.

It's supposed to be that humanity is like a dirty engine that is making everything dirty like in a car. And that we keep on pushing the engine because we expect to get more and more out of it without cleaning it.

The engine is screaming that it needs cleaned and fixed. And we call all imagine a better world in our dreams.
But, the engine is getting dirtier and dirtier and louder and louder. harder and harder to fix sort of.

I'm also trying to say that the 'horror's of humanity are hidden beneath the surface. That's what I was trying to say with hidden beneath a petty wealth, and a blind man can still see it. Because we don't actually see things like the war in Iraq the horrors of them are hidden from us, but we can still know about them, and that's how we see them. And the blind man can imagine a perfect pristine world, because a blind man doesn't see all the trash and pollution everywhere.

And then in the end I was trying to say we can't hide from the bad things we do. We can't hide from ourselves. and we have to "give this dream being" (the dream of a better world) and clean the 'dirty engine'.

Then, the weening part in the end, I was thinking of brave new world, and how they ween the babies, and how our lives aren't so entirely different they way we are weened by things in society.

Sorry for the difficult, I'm not very advanced at poetry. Hopefully that explanation was enough so that if you read it you can kinda get the point
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"Pardon me, I wanna live in a fantasy"

"I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on"

It seems like everybody is moving forward. As if there is some final goal they can achieve and get to. I don't get it though. When I look around, it seems like I'm already there, and there is nothing left to do.

"You think you're so clever and classless and free, but you're still ****ing peasants as far as I can see."

I wish I could take just one hour of what I experience out in nature, wrap it in a box, put a bow on it, and start handing out to people

Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land

I know I was born and I know that I'll die; The in between is mine."
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  #4  
Old 11-07-2011, 09:05 PM
Human No More's Avatar
Toruk Makto, Admin
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That makes sense now, after I read that
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  #5  
Old 11-07-2011, 09:45 PM
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Very very interesting, and enjoyable to read. Thanks for posting that Theorist.
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  #6  
Old 11-09-2011, 05:28 PM
Tsamsiyu
Theorist wants to go to all the go inbetweens
 
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Posts: 511
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Thank you for the comments. I enjoyed writing it when I did. Might try again sometime
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"Pardon me, I wanna live in a fantasy"

"I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on"

It seems like everybody is moving forward. As if there is some final goal they can achieve and get to. I don't get it though. When I look around, it seems like I'm already there, and there is nothing left to do.

"You think you're so clever and classless and free, but you're still ****ing peasants as far as I can see."

I wish I could take just one hour of what I experience out in nature, wrap it in a box, put a bow on it, and start handing out to people

Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land

I know I was born and I know that I'll die; The in between is mine."
Reply With Quote
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