A Splinter Of The Mind. - Tree of Souls - An Avatar Community Forum
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  #1  
Old 04-18-2010, 01:25 PM
Sonoran Na'vi's Avatar
Pa'li Makto
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Default A Splinter Of The Mind.

Here are a couple poems I wrote tonight. The first one was inspired by Avatar in regard to the scene where Home Tree was destroyed.


"Chiseled"
I dream't a darkened day
Where the ash carried my heart away
And I now reside inside my cemented demented mind
A self-imposed cemetary
I was violently chiseled
Broken down and bound by my kind's mission
A prison in which I strained
My soul burst open as my heart drained
to curse the caress of my violent past
as I clench my chest of vast emptiness


"I Remember"
I remember the day a friend passed away
I remember a time I knew how to cry
I remember the memories of you and me
When we were young ones under the ghetto sun
The sirens and the violence couldn't ignite us
The second sun of the slums couldn't frighten us
And years I remembered the sound of your voice
But as noise and visions fade
I'll remember you as a friend from back way
Back way before homicide decided your fate
As I place yet another flower at the head of your grave
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  #2  
Old 04-18-2010, 02:16 PM
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WOW, those are great works there. I can actually relate to poems like these compared to what I read in school which are just horrid.
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  #3  
Old 04-18-2010, 03:06 PM
Sonoran Na'vi's Avatar
Pa'li Makto
Sonoran Na'vi is impatient to continue onto grad school.
 
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Thank you very much...

Here is another one I came up with tonight:

"A dream"
The sun set slightly like the slit of a cat's eye on my soul
The passing paradise I reside in when I'm inside my mind
Reminds me of a time tamed only a year since passed
Trapping my soul for sale to bidders so heartless
The hardest obstacle obtained is that which is farthest
Life's finger grips the chains chapping my neck
My chest jumps with jagged jolts of jokes that I exist
as I dream that I dream't I dreamed a fog, a mist
Overcoming me as I sit and reminisce a time since
Since I last dream't a dream that my heart beat meant anything
Other that I remained awake in the dream deemed reality
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:20 PM
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Very dark poetry indeed.

I prefer the second one (I remember) probably because it is not so abstract. It tell an interesting but sad story.

The others are interesting though.
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:16 PM
Pamtseo Vitra
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Impressive writing. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
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Old 04-30-2010, 06:04 PM
Sonoran Na'vi's Avatar
Pa'li Makto
Sonoran Na'vi is impatient to continue onto grad school.
 
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Thank you both.

I agree about the abstractness of my writing. It doesn't resonate as well as creating a storyline. I think I tend to abstract writing because my thinking is usually more abstract than not.
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