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Old 04-26-2010, 06:05 PM
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Default Why Am I Feeling Like This?

I don't know what it is that has me feeling like this... i feel like someone punched me in the gut, or theres a big hole in my stomach. I'm just sitting here at work scanning papers listening to relaxing music and all I can think about is my first time watching Avatar, not knowing what to expect, not knowing how this movie will affect and change me the way it did... and the way it did was spectacular. But all I can think back to is the story I wrote of Neytiri before even seeing Avatar, all I was going off of was a picture because I promised myself not to look up any more information on the movie, watching it opening night, having that week filled with sleepless nights of tossing and turning, watching the sun rise and not wanting to get out of bed, not having anyone to share my emotions or feelings for this movie with. Going to see Avatar at least four more times just that week I had off for winter break. My PAD was at an all time high that week, and I didn't even recognize it. I'm just thinking back to those people I heard about where after watching Avatar they too would have a big case of PAD, where some would leave civilization and go live by themselves... I wonder where they are now and how they're doing. To that person who i read wouldn't leave the theater, and when an employee told him the movie was over and he had to leave the man broke down and cried... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To that one person on the Avatar Forums who's mom was concerned about him lately, and how he was taken to therapy, and I don't think I've seen him since... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To the other countless people who have PAD outside of the ToS and AF... I wonder how their lives are, and what they're doing. To all of you who have PAD... how are you doing? I don't know why I'm thinking of all those people right now... maybe it's because I'm concerned about them/you. I don't know why I'm writing this... maybe its because it's something I have to get off my chest.

I think that through the rest of my life, if I had the chance to go back to one point in my life it would be to re-live my first Avatar experience... to go back to the beginning of the week when I first heard Avatar was showing this friday and how the advertisement picture looked so incredible, how I promised myself I wouldn't research the movie so I wouldn't spoil anything of the movie, how I got only one picture of Neytiri, and all that week I wrote a fantasy story of me meeting her and us falling in love, then having friday arrive and me fail horribly on a test because I couldn't focus (I still passed the class), having me wait for 2 hours for the movie doors to open, and me walk through them and walk out three hours later with a milestone in my life, an experience I'll never forget... but my story didn't end there, it's still being written everyday. Being able to join the AF, meet so many incredible people, participate in a few unforgettable projects... the only other time I would re-live is when I meet my lifemate sometime in the future, but if I go back to my first Avatar experience i'll experience both, and I'm willing to go through all the other hardships of my life if I could go back.

Sorry about this random post on my feelings, I felt it was something I had to get off my chest... thanks for reading, I don't know where I'd be without all of you
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Old 04-26-2010, 06:20 PM
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Stanley, your words made me literally cry.

I am honored to have you as my friend. Oel ngati Kameie.
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Old 04-26-2010, 06:34 PM
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Stanley - I know these words are being used a lot these days, but truly, Oel ngati kameie ma tsmukan.

I too think of all those who were hit so hard by PAD, yet missed the forums and all the wonderful, wise and supportive people on them. If I could choose one point to go back to right now, mine would be exactly the same choice. And really, there's no apologies to be made whatsoever for expressing such raw emotion. Quite the oposite, I am honoured to read such heart-felt words. As Eltu said, I am proud to call you a friend.

Irayo Stanley.
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Old 04-26-2010, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eltu View Post
Stanley, your words made me literally cry.

I am honored to have you as my friend. Oel ngati Kameie.
Eltu, I look at you with a high level of respect, and I am honored for you to be a part of my family, becuase everyone here I concider a part of my family... thank you for your kind words ma tsmukan, oel ngati kameie

you are truly an amazing person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan View Post
Stanley - I know these words are being used a lot these days, but truly, Oel ngati kameie ma tsmukan.

I too think of all those who were hit so hard by PAD, yet missed the forums and all the wonderful, wise and supportive people on them. If I could choose one point to go back to right now, mine would be exactly the same choice. And really, there's no apologies to be made whatsoever for expressing such raw emotion. Quite the oposite, I am honoured to read such heart-felt words. As Eltu said, I am proud to call you a friend.

Irayo Stanley.
irayo to you as well ma tsmukan... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one, oel ngati kameie, and as I said to Eltu I am proud for you to be a part of my family as well. Irayo for your kind words, I am truly happy to know you
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:24 PM
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Stanley, I know what you mean. I felt a deep hole too, during the Easter holiday (I made a post about that, and I have to thank rapunzel for taking me out of that depressive cycle); and I believe I won't ever be the same person. Avatar gave me new eyes to See, what happens around us.

But well, we're not talking about me, are we?

You are in good company, Stanley; take that for sure. We'll always be with you, we're like a family after all.

And, if you let me give you some advice to fill that hole: seek your Path to Heaven. I mean this literally, find something worthy to do with your life until you're there; something that could fill you, something that could give your life a new meaning; something worth fighting for.

She knows I am doing so, and that if I ever find it I will give my life for it...

Dammit, I am talking about myself again.
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by ZenitYerkes View Post
Stanley, I know what you mean. I felt a deep hole too, during the Easter holiday (I made a post about that, and I have to thank rapunzel for taking me out of that depressive cycle); and I believe I won't ever be the same person. Avatar gave me new eyes to See, what happens around us.

But well, we're not talking about me, are we?

You are in good company, Stanley; take that for sure. We'll always be with you, we're like a family after all.

And, if you let me give you some advice to fill that hole: seek your Path to Heaven. I mean this literally, find something worthy to do with your life until you're there; something that could fill you, something that could give your life a new meaning; something worth fighting for.

She knows I am doing so, and that if I ever find it I will give my life for it...

Dammit, I am talking about myself again.
No thats completely fine Zenit... thanks a lot for the advice ma tsmukan, I truly thank you for it... do you have an example of your Path to Heaven? Something you're fighting for?
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanley_9875 View Post
No thats completely fine Zenit... thanks a lot for the advice ma tsmukan, I truly thank you for it... do you have an example of your Path to Heaven? Something you're fighting for?
I try to become a better person and have a generous heart (following this reference). I try not to reply to the insults or deny favors people ask me; I try to control myself and put a smile to help and serve. I am also trying not to pull myself back when certain situations I fear appear, get over that to become as fearless as Jake.

Also, I will take part in philosophy and politics to clean up with my greatest efforts all the sh*t that goes around them. And if have some time left, I'll try to get into a charity or a volunteer program this summer.

And I'm in love with this, the Revinuesa Valley in Soria; I think I'll live there for a while.

That's in a few words my Path to Heaven.

BTW 300th post, I am glad to have used it replying to your question.
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Old 04-26-2010, 08:40 PM
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I know far too well... I feel the same way.
As for how I am, well, I suppose it could be worse, as I have all you.

Your post was really touching, I really can't put into words just how proud and happy I am to have you friends, all of you... I'd be completely lost without all of you. The emptiness, the feeling of what is missing and my loneliness would be too much without all my friends here...

I'm starting to get all emotional again

Really, you're more than friends, you're almost family to me... I have never had anyone who really understood me, who I could talk to about how I truly feel... you give me that, and I'm so happy to know you all.
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Old 04-26-2010, 09:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanley_9875 View Post
I don't know what it is that has me feeling like this... i feel like someone punched me in the gut, or theres a big hole in my stomach. I'm just sitting here at work scanning papers listening to relaxing music and all I can think about is my first time watching Avatar, not knowing what to expect, not knowing how this movie will affect and change me the way it did... and the way it did was spectacular. But all I can think back to is the story I wrote of Neytiri before even seeing Avatar, all I was going off of was a picture because I promised myself not to look up any more information on the movie, watching it opening night, having that week filled with sleepless nights of tossing and turning, watching the sun rise and not wanting to get out of bed, not having anyone to share my emotions or feelings for this movie with. Going to see Avatar at least four more times just that week I had off for winter break. My PAD was at an all time high that week, and I didn't even recognize it. I'm just thinking back to those people I heard about where after watching Avatar they too would have a big case of PAD, where some would leave civilization and go live by themselves... I wonder where they are now and how they're doing. To that person who i read wouldn't leave the theater, and when an employee told him the movie was over and he had to leave the man broke down and cried... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To that one person on the Avatar Forums who's mom was concerned about him lately, and how he was taken to therapy, and I don't think I've seen him since... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To the other countless people who have PAD outside of the ToS and AF... I wonder how their lives are, and what they're doing. To all of you who have PAD... how are you doing? I don't know why I'm thinking of all those people right now... maybe it's because I'm concerned about them/you. I don't know why I'm writing this... maybe its because it's something I have to get off my chest.

I think that through the rest of my life, if I had the chance to go back to one point in my life it would be to re-live my first Avatar experience... to go back to the beginning of the week when I first heard Avatar was showing this friday and how the advertisement picture looked so incredible, how I promised myself I wouldn't research the movie so I wouldn't spoil anything of the movie, how I got only one picture of Neytiri, and all that week I wrote a fantasy story of me meeting her and us falling in love, then having friday arrive and me fail horribly on a test because I couldn't focus (I still passed the class), having me wait for 2 hours for the movie doors to open, and me walk through them and walk out three hours later with a milestone in my life, an experience I'll never forget... but my story didn't end there, it's still being written everyday. Being able to join the AF, meet so many incredible people, participate in a few unforgettable projects... the only other time I would re-live is when I meet my lifemate sometime in the future, but if I go back to my first Avatar experience i'll experience both, and I'm willing to go through all the other hardships of my life if I could go back.

Sorry about this random post on my feelings, I felt it was something I had to get off my chest... thanks for reading, I don't know where I'd be without all of you
Stanley, you should never feel that you need to apologize for sharing whats on your mind. You are right, without Avatar you would not have experienced all of this. But you aren't the only one. I have had my own emotional experiences because of Avatar, and I would hope that when I do end up sharing them, that the people who I shared them with would be called my friends. You have friends here and on AF!!

I would GLADLY go back to my first experience of Avatar. Screw all the bad feelings that came with it. It was truly a profound experience.

Oel ngati kameie tsmukan
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Old 04-26-2010, 09:22 PM
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Stan... 3 words... Oel Ngati Kameie

i feel sorry for those how arent on any forum, i feel feel sad for the man who cried in the theater, thinking that i probably would do the same... i am on the verge of tears, and it takes alot to make me cry, i feel with all of you... and i feel with you Stan. this movie and you on this forum is the best think to ever happen in my life ;'( i to think about my experience, my puny experince, on a 15 inch screen, with ****ty audio and visuals but it still got trough, big time, and it pains me to say that i have not seen it once on the silver screen... it makes me sad... i hope fox will rerelease it here in denmark. I have a huge case of PAD and PAE, it doesnt seem to go away, but i feel like it is a blessing, and a blessing only. i have gained willpower and Self-esteem, when i do things that i think is right i can immediatly feel it inside of me i have just said it and i will say it agagin, you guys are the best thing that has happened to me Ever, strangly i cannot get my mind of the man you where talking about, the crying man. i real do feel sorry for him, i wish i knew his identity and go give him a hug
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:00 PM
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It is kind of disheartening when you realize how many people that are out there that have or are currently suffering from PAD and have not found a community like this or AF. It really makes me feel thankful that I have found these places.
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:14 PM
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The world is filled with endless possibilities, countless people, and infinite probability, so your not going to know it all. As much as you want to know how everyone is, where they've moved to, you just can't. But cherish what you do know.
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:29 PM
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I and likely many if not most here have had the same experience. The weird thing is I have conflicting emotions. My empathy compels me to feel the pain. For me this is unavoidable. In fact a desire to help led me to these forums. I have known PAD like depression for a large part of my life. I saw the news stories about PAD and I had to seek these places out. I also see a spark of hope at the same time. The only reason for PAD is a awakening to the idea of what life and the world could be. How we are supposed to relate to each other. At times growth comes with pain and this is an example of it.

I can't say how that man who was so affected that he sat in his chair and began crying when asked to leave, but I would guess that like most he has moved on. Most people do. I just fear that he thinks that he is alone in his pain. As we well know he is not. There have been a few others where I felt tremendous darkness and I do have to say I have feared for more than one users safety. Usually these individuals had preexisting issues and the Avatar experience just pushed them over the edge. To answer an old question I am my brothers keeper. I will do what I can, but none of us can reach or save everyone. I have learned this lesson at considerable personal pain.

I find if I can help someone get through that it helps fill that hole.
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:38 PM
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I think we are all looking for a way to almost repay earth for what we have done to her. I hope that through my own efforts that I can help turn PAD into something good for me, earth, and humanity.
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Old 04-27-2010, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanley_9875 View Post
I don't know what it is that has me feeling like this... i feel like someone punched me in the gut, or theres a big hole in my stomach. I'm just sitting here at work scanning papers listening to relaxing music and all I can think about is my first time watching Avatar, not knowing what to expect, not knowing how this movie will affect and change me the way it did... and the way it did was spectacular. But all I can think back to is the story I wrote of Neytiri before even seeing Avatar, all I was going off of was a picture because I promised myself not to look up any more information on the movie, watching it opening night, having that week filled with sleepless nights of tossing and turning, watching the sun rise and not wanting to get out of bed, not having anyone to share my emotions or feelings for this movie with. Going to see Avatar at least four more times just that week I had off for winter break. My PAD was at an all time high that week, and I didn't even recognize it. I'm just thinking back to those people I heard about where after watching Avatar they too would have a big case of PAD, where some would leave civilization and go live by themselves... I wonder where they are now and how they're doing. To that person who i read wouldn't leave the theater, and when an employee told him the movie was over and he had to leave the man broke down and cried... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To that one person on the Avatar Forums who's mom was concerned about him lately, and how he was taken to therapy, and I don't think I've seen him since... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To the other countless people who have PAD outside of the ToS and AF... I wonder how their lives are, and what they're doing. To all of you who have PAD... how are you doing? I don't know why I'm thinking of all those people right now... maybe it's because I'm concerned about them/you. I don't know why I'm writing this... maybe its because it's something I have to get off my chest.

I think that through the rest of my life, if I had the chance to go back to one point in my life it would be to re-live my first Avatar experience... to go back to the beginning of the week when I first heard Avatar was showing this friday and how the advertisement picture looked so incredible, how I promised myself I wouldn't research the movie so I wouldn't spoil anything of the movie, how I got only one picture of Neytiri, and all that week I wrote a fantasy story of me meeting her and us falling in love, then having friday arrive and me fail horribly on a test because I couldn't focus (I still passed the class), having me wait for 2 hours for the movie doors to open, and me walk through them and walk out three hours later with a milestone in my life, an experience I'll never forget... but my story didn't end there, it's still being written everyday. Being able to join the AF, meet so many incredible people, participate in a few unforgettable projects... the only other time I would re-live is when I meet my lifemate sometime in the future, but if I go back to my first Avatar experience i'll experience both, and I'm willing to go through all the other hardships of my life if I could go back.

Sorry about this random post on my feelings, I felt it was something I had to get off my chest... thanks for reading, I don't know where I'd be without all of you
Wow. That's exactly how I feel. I never could quite put it into words as articulately as you did. *hugs* Oel ngati kameie.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanley_9875 View Post
becuase everyone here I concider a part of my family...
Me too. I would go as far as to say that the people here are even more loving, supportive, and caring than my real family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Human No More View Post
I know far too well... I feel the same way.
As for how I am, well, I suppose it could be worse, as I have all you.

Your post was really touching, I really can't put into words just how proud and happy I am to have you friends, all of you... I'd be completely lost without all of you. The emptiness, the feeling of what is missing and my loneliness would be too much without all my friends here...

I'm starting to get all emotional again

Really, you're more than friends, you're almost family to me... I have never had anyone who really understood me, who I could talk to about how I truly feel... you give me that, and I'm so happy to know you all.
You post made me cry, right here, in front of my pc. Oel ngati kameie.

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