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Old 12-25-2011, 08:23 PM
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Stanley_9875 you crept up on me like a shadow in the night
 
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Default Maybe Its The Time Of Season...

Basically I wrote this last night, as I felt something slowly creeping up on me...

Quote:
Ive got to thinking… well wasn’t just straight up thinking, more like a feeling, which led to thinking about the particular feeling… It being Christmas Eve/Christmas (early) morning, I was sitting on the couch in the living room with my dad watching a movie on TV… the lights were off and theChristmas Tree lights were lit, and I started getting this feeling… a feeling, ive felt before… not as strong, but then again, it was something tugging at me on the inside. Something that reminded me of what happened two years ago this time of year… about a movie that changed my thinking, im guessing for life. A movie that made a major mark in my life I’m guessing I wont ever forget. A feeling of me… wanting… to be somewhere else. To be someone else… somewhere far away… away from here. Someplace, where I can do things I wouldn’t have imagined, see things I couldn’t have possibly made up. A place where I fell in love… fell in love, with the adventure, fell in love with… home… fell in love with someone. Someone who made me smile, made me cry, made me feel complete. And here I sit at my desk writing this at 2am Christmas Day, getting flooded with things I haven’t felt in a long time. I can hardly take it now… how on earth was I able to comprehend everything I took then? Or has it made me that more fragile? The days I would spend at work, I would take a “bathroom break” and go in a stall and look at pictures of her, and her home… and cry. I cried daily… I cried constantly. There has never been a time in my life I wanted something so badly, felt so in love… and felt so alone. I had all of you… without you all swear to God I would’ve gone insane… out of my mind. But still, I felt no one else around me understood when I was away from you all… the late nights I would talk with fellow friends on tinychat, avatar chat, and skype… the good times we’ve shared. Sharing how we felt… these feelings we thought no one else related to us. Meeting new people daily on AF and ToS. I tell everyone, sometimes out of the blue, “If there was a time I could go back, it would be Monday, December 14th, 2009” and they ask, “why?” and I just say, “reasons” and leave it at that. The first week before actually seeing it, was a time I’ll never forget. This is something so difficult on my mind and heart to think about right now, but I need to tell it. God how much I’ve changed… how much we’ve all changed through this movie. If I could, I would take a look at each persons life I met on AF and ToS, from then till now… I would want to feel what they’re feeling. I look back at chat logs, and people ive met, and my heart breaks for those I don’t see anymore… “where are they? How are they? Are they okay? Do they remember?” The days we would spend posting about how much we’ve wished we lived there… Now it feels desperate… I want to go back then. Ive had some of the hardest stuff ive had my heart take then, but I would give anything to go back again. Tears are flowing as I write this now. Ive heard people tell me, “some people never grow up. They want to dwell in the past and not move forward and mature” I’m one of those people. That was a groundbreaking, life shattering point in my life. And God I’d give anything to go back. I love you all… I love you all so much. Theres so many things I want to say, but most of all, I just want to have you feel… This is going to be a rough sleep… But if anything, I swear to myself, I’m going to take the time, to take a week off, and rent someplace far away, in the middle of the mountains, probably in Oregon by my self, and do everything Avatar. I want to do whatever to bring those feelings back. Read logs, read my journals, read past posts, listen to the soundtrack, read my stories of my fantasies, watch the movie, and most of all…

Feel
PAD crept up on me at random... maybe its the time of the year, where things changed for my life... our lives, out of the blue (no pun intended)... and i would give anything to go back. I felt so terrible i didnt even have a celebration when its been TWO YEARS (astonishing). But i love you... I love you all... Eywa ngahu and merry Christmas <3
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Old 12-25-2011, 08:26 PM
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Stanley_9875 you crept up on me like a shadow in the night
 
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I'll continue... mostly with work and my aspiring music career has led me to keeping my focus elsewhere... I'm constantly busy everyday, work, home, mixing/producing, friends... no time really to just sit down and think.... well i think trust me just on other things, but to feel again... I dont know like i said my mind runs a million miles an hour if i wrote everything my mind has thought about this subject between last night to present i would've covered pages...
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Old 12-25-2011, 09:20 PM
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Love you <3

I haven't been active either for quite some time. But winter definitely is a trigger for nostalgia. If only there was much more snow..
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Old 12-25-2011, 10:17 PM
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I love everyone here. I've missed you Stanley, and Fosus. Hopefully you guys can have some good avatar experiences along the way.
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Old 12-25-2011, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fosus View Post
Love you <3

I haven't been active either for quite some time. But winter definitely is a trigger for nostalgia. If only there was much more snow..

Yeah, I know I've posted this before, but why not......

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  #6  
Old 12-27-2011, 01:17 AM
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Irayo, Stanley, for sharing your feelings with us here. Oel ngati kameie, ma eylan. You are loved by us, your clan. You are not alone, tsmukan.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:38 AM
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Sometimes people go away for a while. I doubt anyone ever truly forgets Avatar though, and that you're back says so much.

I wonder about everyone who doesn't post any more, or even who does intermittently. I know that for them, they still have the feeling. Just because some people don't speak about it doesn't change that - it just means all the obvious words have been said, and we're at unspoken understanding. It still is and will be...

Oel ngati kameie.

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Old 12-27-2011, 07:05 PM
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"I'm up here, looking down...watching over all you folks"... I lurk often, but post seldom. but for me, Avatar is still very much alive.

I have not been very active either, but the impact that "Avatar" made on me and my way of thinking is forever. It hasn't changed from day one. I'm not as emotional about how I express that feeling, but I stand with all of you none the less, and I admire you Stanley.... for sharing your feelings.

Hang in there, brother, and always remember, you are never alone.

Tey'Kan
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Old 12-29-2011, 03:12 AM
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Stanley_9875 you crept up on me like a shadow in the night
 
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Thanks for your support all! And I guarantee I will never find a community as close knit as you all ever... I know im not alone when i come home to you all... just so many memories, and memories with people i've met over the past two years with Avatar... i just miss them, wonder where they're at, if they still remember; i want to connect with them again... find them and just catch up... Reading the comment book we made a while back writing a book to Cameron about Avatar... i cry whenever reading... or even just thinking... about it.
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Old 12-29-2011, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanley_9875 View Post
Thanks for your support all! And I guarantee I will never find a community as close knit as you all ever... I know im not alone when i come home to you all... just so many memories, and memories with people i've met over the past two years with Avatar... i just miss them, wonder where they're at, if they still remember; i want to connect with them again... find them and just catch up... Reading the comment book we made a while back writing a book to Cameron about Avatar... i cry whenever reading... or even just thinking... about it.
You're home. That's what matters. I still think even people who aren't here now could return, given the right circumstances. Even so, all we need to do is remember them and they are still a part of things
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Old 12-29-2011, 11:26 PM
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Ahhh, Stanley, ma tsmukan. You might be on your own in a room thinking...feeling..., but you are never alone.

We have all had our own adventure of discovery that is unique to each of us, but all driven by the common cause - Avatar. It binds us together, yet none of us really know why. We don't know what switch was flicked within us, but it was. It is something we all share and as HNM so eloquently put it: we're at unspoken understanding.

Avatar has become a major point in all our lives. I can't explain why, it just has. It has drawn us together where life long friendship have been formed for sure.

Just look at how far we have all come. Look at all we have done together. How our eyes and hearts have been opened to each other. So take heart ma 'eylan. I would have never have thought anything like this would have happened to me, yet here I am with a unique family.

As for going back to December 2009, I regularly do...to remember how far I have come, to think of all the wonderful people I have had the honour of getting to know and even the pleasure of meeting in some cases. I think I now have more friends outside the UK than within!

Time will always march on. Regardless of what we do the sun will continue to rise in the east, gradually move through the sky and set in the west. The important thing is that we recognise what we have been given and take it forward. We can always look back every now and again to see how far we have come. For all of us it is a long way.

Here's to continuing in the footsteps of the community that Avatar and James Cameron has given us in 2012. Oel ngati kameie...in Seattle Stanley, with the rest of our family.

Eywa ngahu frakrr ma tsmukan,

Alan
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  #12  
Old 01-11-2012, 08:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crickett View Post
Yeah, I know I've posted this before, but why not......

I like that pic, Crickett. It reminds me of yet another small planet moon, that's not too far from Pandora. (One that I am writing a small short "Avatar" like story about). Also working on some other "Avatar" like projects, so I'm a pretty busy bloke.

"In Defence of Pandora" --

Tey'Kan
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Old 01-12-2012, 04:43 PM
Tsamsiyu
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I think it's definitely the time of the season. At least here. This Winter has been ridonkulously warm. And I mean ridonkulously warm. 2011 was also wettest year ever in Ohio history. The past 4 days have been nothing but dreary grey skies variance from a light mist to a light shower. It's suffocating. Not seeing the sky, all the leaves on the trees are dead, everything being muddy brown, and not to mention living in a big city now. A perfect storm for PAD and feeling that longing for a wild.
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It seems like everybody is moving forward. As if there is some final goal they can achieve and get to. I don't get it though. When I look around, it seems like I'm already there, and there is nothing left to do.

"You think you're so clever and classless and free, but you're still ****ing peasants as far as I can see."

I wish I could take just one hour of what I experience out in nature, wrap it in a box, put a bow on it, and start handing out to people

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Old 01-12-2012, 07:48 PM
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Theorist, you have just accurately described a New Orleans winter. I haven't experienced much PAD at all, ever, and if I had some this winter, it was also brought on by other things, not just the time of year.
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:52 PM
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It was snowing when I first saw Avatar, very lightly - it was just starting to stick that day, but still fresh. I'm a bit sad that so far there hasn't been any snow here, and it's getting warmer now so it seems unlikely

I still feel PAD though, just as strong as they day, even if it's become somehow familiar and so it feels a bit different,, but still the same feeling below all that.
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