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Old 05-04-2010, 09:12 PM
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Default Tips for finding a mate/gf/bf, etc

Since it is May and it seems that Cupid is using the internet more these days (sending cyber arrows) and it looks like from some reports that have been made here on TOS that some of the members are finding love then it might be helpful or I might just be blowing a lot of wind to give some tips as to what to do if by some chance Cupid decides to strike you with an arrow and the object of your affection just so happens to live very far away.

I will also try to give some paltry tips on how to find a mate in general. This is a pertinent topic and it seems to be one of great importance for many of TOS's citizens.

So, here it goes:

1. Know what you want. This is easier said than done but it will be helpful. There are a lot of bad eggs out there but there are also good ones. You have to be a bit savvy, especially in these times. Have a criteria in place. For those of you who have religious beliefs, pray for the person you want to meet. Let God know what you want. For those of you who don't have such beliefs, thats fine. This still applies to you too in that you must know what you want.


2. Be Yourself. Introduce yourself to the man/woman with confidence and with ease. I know that it might feel awkward. I know there will be a certain amount of nervousness but the best thing to do is be natural.

3. All relationships, but especially in the sort that is intimate in nature, must be build on a solid foundation of trust, friendship, love, and above all..Honesty. Without any of these foundation marks, the chances of the relationship sustaining the trials that WILL come will be slim.

4. So, the first thing that one must do is cultivate a good friendship. Get to know one another at the most important of levels: emotional, spiritual, etc. Take an interest in the other persons's opinions and hobbies. Don't dominate the conversation and don't pressure the other person to do things that you don't want to do. Share your interests with the other person. Cultivate common interests. That will be helpful down the road.

5. Be honest with each other. Don't be afraid to show faults. None of us are perfect and if you keep something back from them and then show or reveal one of your faults later that can lead to a serious problem because it would seem to indicate that you didn't trust them enough with that information. I know that some might not like the idea of being totally transparent. It isn't easy but it might be helpful.

6. Cultivate patience, especially in an online dating situation. It isn't easy and the distance can seem considerable at times. The worst part is the longing and the constant daydreaming of the moment that you see your love face to face. However, even in those times of anticipation, patience will help you get through it no matter how difficult it might be.

7. Talk about everything, especially if this is a relationship that might lead to marriage. Its very important that there be total trust with the person. If you are a person of religious beliefs and your love is too, I would advise that the two of you pray together. That will help to strengthen your spiritual bond. If you are the sort that doesn't have any beliefs, all the other rules should apply (building trust, honesty, friendship, etc).


These are just a few pointers that I have from the little experience that I have had. I hope this helps some for those who are looking for someone or who are just starting out in a relationship.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:37 PM
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Some excellent advice Rapunzel.

...but I have some issues... I know exactly what I want from a relationship but I have a feeling that no one else, especially in the area I live in, feels the same way. On top of this, I don't think that anyone will ever share the same interests or things like taste in music as me because, quite frankly, they're too eccentric for anyone else to enjoy.

I feel that the person I am both inside and out is just basically far too weird for anyone else to be interested in.
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan View Post
Some excellent advice Rapunzel.

...but I have some issues... I know exactly what I want from a relationship but I have a feeling that no one else, especially in the area I live in, feels the same way. On top of this, I don't think that anyone will ever share the same interests or things like taste in music as me because, quite frankly, they're too eccentric for anyone else to enjoy.

I feel that the person I am both inside and out is just basically far too weird for anyone else to be interested in.
Fkeu'itan,

You might have to find someone outside of your area. Expand your "pool" if you will. As for as you being "too weird" I don't think so. Granted, you haven't shown the full extend of yourself in public and that is fine. I don't think any of us truly do. However, I believe there is someone out there for everyone. You never know. Be open. Be hopeful. Above all, improve yourself in our outlook. We are our own worst critics. I know I am. I am very self-critical at times. So, what you see as strange and weird and no one is interested in might not be the case in reality. From what I have seen of you on TOS and our conversations, you are a kind soul and have a loving heart . She's out there. Don't give up. Ok?
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:20 PM
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Good advice... I just wish I had anyone I could even start with...

I'm not sure about marriage though... Even if I do ever find my lifemate, marriage is a different thing. It's not required for people to be together, and as I'm really not religious I don't think it's something I would go for.

I guess I just need to keep it in mind, talk to people, and see if anyone turns up... I just wish I could do more though.
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Human No More View Post
Good advice... I just wish I had anyone I could even start with...
Hmm, have you tried to talk to any ladies to go to the Heavy metal concerts you go to? It helps to start with a common interest. I know it can also be very awkward. If that doesn't help, perhaps you can expand your "pool". Look into dating websites or even if there are any singles groups in the area. Granted, singles groups are funny. I was a part of one years ago and even though they claimed that it was a "meat market" for finding mates, there were several people who were getting together. Those sort of groups can feel kinda forced so it doesn't always work. But its a thought.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Human No More View Post
Good advice... I just wish I had anyone I could even start with...

I'm not sure about marriage though... Even if I do ever find my lifemate, marriage is a different thing. It's not required for people to be together, and as I'm really not religious I don't think it's something I would go for.

I guess I just need to keep it in mind, talk to people, and see if anyone turns up... I just wish I could do more though.
I understand. I'm speaking generally. Some relationships will lead to marriage, others won't but they will stay together as lifemates.

Try talking to others and see how that turns out. Above all, be yourself. Be honest .
__________________
You wont walk alone
I'll be by your side
There will be no empty home
if you will be my bride
the rest of my life will be
Song for Rapunzel and me.


I see you


Last edited by Sacred Tsahaylu; 05-05-2010 at 12:19 PM. Reason: merge
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:43 PM
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That's some well detailed and very helpful advice but it might be a while before I find my Neytiri...

I admit that Im a pure perfectionist. It's a part of my personality that hinders me at times but still am grateful for.

My problem is that I have the perfect idea of what my soulmate should be, anybody that falls short of this 'expectation' will forever be an issue for me.

I know, I know you people are probably thinking what a terrible person I am for not accepting anybody for who they are but I cant deny what defines me as a person.

As for marriage, considering my parents marriage is shakey at best, I dont plan on getting married, ever. I dont believe people should be put under this kind of pressure to sacrifice personal goals for the sake of marriage.

Now I dont have a problem with anyone who really, really wants to be married and has no regrets or fears, just want to make that clear.

So as you can see, I've highlighted pretty much every reason why I most likely wont have a soulmate ever.
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Old 05-05-2010, 12:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan View Post
Some excellent advice Rapunzel.

...but I have some issues... I know exactly what I want from a relationship but I have a feeling that no one else, especially in the area I live in, feels the same way. On top of this, I don't think that anyone will ever share the same interests or things like taste in music as me because, quite frankly, they're too eccentric for anyone else to enjoy.

I feel that the person I am both inside and out is just basically far too weird for anyone else to be interested in.
I know what you mean. I have found the same in my area. The people I have been with turn out to be absolute... erm... well, throw in a few colourful negative words.
Fkeu, this is why I'm leaving. I'm spending all my money and getting out, getting overseas - going to do something that's been a desperate dream since I can remember. And obviously it's not to meet a special someone, it's to do what I've always wanted to do. But alongside that I am hoping that I meet more like-minded people. I'm taking a risk with that, and I'm prepared to not find any more like-minded people there than I know here, but even so, I'll still be doing something I've always wanted to do (working with the wolves), which will be amazing in itself.

I think just set your sights on what you want out of life more career-wise or whatever, or things that you really want to achieve (unrelated to finding a mate - things you have always wanted to do), and set about going to do these. Whatever study you have to do etc. - just work towards your dreams. I can absolutely 100% guarantee you that while you're going about your business chasing your dreams, or then living your dreams, you will find someone much more similar to you and what you find important in a person doing the same thing as well.

If all fails just arrange a zillion ToS meets Yay for Na'vi girls!
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:23 AM
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*epic facepalm OK i have a problem with this being here, If you actually came here to 'get tips', its a sign that you need to be spending more time with people and less time on the internet. Just be yourself and dont be a jerk and you will do fine....There is someone for everyone.
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by X.,.Pandora.,.X View Post
*epic facepalm OK i have a problem with this being here, If you actually came here to 'get tips', its a sign that you need to be spending more time with people and less time on the internet. Just be yourself and dont be a jerk and you will do fine....There is someone for everyone.


Maybe some people need a little help. It doesn't affect you at all.
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:30 AM
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Default Tips for finding a mate/gf/bf, etc

Quote:
Originally Posted by X.,.Pandora.,.X
*epic facepalm OK i have a problem with this being here, If you actually came here to 'get tips', its a sign that you need to be spending more time with people and less time on the internet. Just be yourself and dont be a jerk and you will do fine....There is someone for everyone.
Lol. How about you keep your negative thoughts to yourself? Some people need help with this kind of thing, I know I do sometimes. Just gtfo here with your negative thoughts.
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:31 AM
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aparently u guys didnt read my last sentence, its all the 'tips' you need.
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Old 05-05-2010, 06:41 AM
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good points. I do try to keep those things in mind ESPECIALLY being yourself HOWEVER, I just don't have anyone to talk to. -_- There is one girl who sits next to me for biology labs and we sometimes talk but she already has a boyfriend...She seems like a really cool person but talking to her did remind me of a few things:

1. Just be yourself: in highschool there was this guy who thought he was a lady's man and his tone/ attitude/ way of talking would suddenly change from try hard tough guy (infront of the guys) to "romantic" gentlemen (infront of the girls) and I always used to think WOW, I'm never going to be like that. So one day after the biology lab me and this girl go get lunch and we have a conversation. I talked to her like she was one of my friends and i think I did good since i am pretty anti social. My counselor told me to talk to anyone when the opportunity arises and i guess i did

2. Don't be afraid to discuss anything: this girl is a huge harry potter fan and i think harry potter is lame. she even confessed she is the type who dresses up to see the movie. I also invited her to watch Avatar and she now knows I am a huge Avatar fan. We also discussed sports, she likes rugby and i think rugby is really boring but i listened to what she had to say and i also said a few things (cant remember what) then she even went into something about youth allownace from the government which i know absolutely ****en nothing about, but i just listened and it started to make sense.
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:40 AM
Pamtseo Vitra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by X.,.Pandora.,.X View Post
*epic facepalm OK i have a problem with this being here, If you actually came here to 'get tips', its a sign that you need to be spending more time with people and less time on the internet. Just be yourself and dont be a jerk and you will do fine....There is someone for everyone.
C'mon Pandora... Not everyone finds this kind of thing easy, myself included. I'm sure no one actually specifically joined ToS as a 'dating site', it just happened to come up in general conversation, so just show a little understanding please?
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:50 AM
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Love is a game that two can play at and both win. Although to do so is a long often hard slog, I didn't necessarily come to this thread for advice, rather out of interest.

One key thing. If you find the right person (soul mate) you will reap the rewards infinitely, it's just becoming more difficult as society degenerates.
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:04 PM
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I agree with a lot of the advice given in this thread. The one thing that has worked for me is having confidence. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to think of yourself in the highest of esteems; rather, you like yourself enough to believe that other people will like you too. Confidence can be conveyed in a single sentence. For instance, I have never asked a girl for her number. Instead I say: "Let me have your number and I'll call you later." I am not demanding her for her number, but this statement reflects a certain confidence that people do tend to pick up on (even if they are not conscious about it).
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