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Old 05-06-2010, 09:29 PM
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Default So desperately sad... in need of support

...where should I start?

I have restrained myself from making these kind of posts, mostly because there are people IRL who knows about ToS that I do not want to know much of how I feel.

But really... I simply don't care about that anymore... they can think what they want. And tonight everything suddenly struck me, like a wave of realizations and sadness.

The life I live today... it does not feel like it is mine. Every single day is followed by an amazingly beautiful sunset... Earth is capable of showing us great beauty, filling our lives with happiness...

But do we experience this? No.

Everyone sits inside, almost every single day, doing the same things every day... the days blend together... we COULD experience the beauty of Earth together... but we don't. Not today. Not in this society.

And that's what it boils down to, really... I am not depressed because Earth is not beautiful... Earth is a wonderful place. But today's society... a whole different thing. The sense of community... where everyone around you, every day, are persons you can share your life with... it's not present in modern society.

I look out my window, look down at the city where I live... it's cold, lifeless... destroyed.

"We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a small variation of the last, every movement smoothly following the curves of social norms."

I do not want to live a life like this... I want to live, truly live a life, on EARTH, not in a steel wasteland. A life among people I TRULY know.

I don't know what to do... I'm lost...
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:33 PM
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I really don't have the answers here... You need to do what you feel is right. I'm not even sure what that is... but I know one thing, you can do what you want. It's so depressing other people don't understand, but you still control your own life. Do what you want. Find somewhere, something to do. Something to focus on, which keeps you connected to the world.

Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan....
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:37 PM
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Eltu, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I know its not easy and that it seems that everything is depressing. Perhaps it good to take a walk and enjoy the world around you, concentrating on the natural elements. It might work.
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:37 PM
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I feel exactly the same, ma tsmukan. Really.
I am, just like you are, still young. And my hopes are that I'll be able to do something to make a difference in the future - to get us away from the "hopelessness" we live in.
And that's what really gets me through the day...
And, like I've spoken to you before of, dropping everything - friends, family, education... practically your entire life... and moving to someplace untouched by modern society - and live in a very small community without any electronics etc - that's how I want to live, and I know you want, too. (because I have spoken to you about it). It's something to consider.

Over the last few weeks, I have just like you realized that there earth can truly be a beautiful place. We're lucky, you and I, that we live in Sweden; for Sweden is not as polluted as the majority of other countries/major cities... Take NYC, it's concrete and iron for as far as the eye can see, whilst here, we actually have (at least in the outskirts of the city) some really beautiful forests and wildlife etc.
I've ventured off topic...
Over the last few weeks, I have realized that there are many places, actually close to me, that really are beautiful.

It's no Pandora, granted, but it's something. It's definitely something.

You're not alone with the feeling you're having, just like with PAD
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Last edited by Davy Jones; 05-06-2010 at 10:38 PM.
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:39 PM
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Eltu, I completely understand. I get that "buried alive" kind of feeling too, and every option I consider seems to have some insurmountable obstacle. Don't give up seeking, that's the main thing. You have your frustrations and the emotions they produce. You will need to process that, and the only way is to be patient and let the river flow where it will. A trip to the country might be cleansing. The end point of this process is to find a goal. If your goal is to leave the city at some point, write out the scenario of how that will happen...step by step.

The key thing is to realize in your heart that you are not trapped. Eventually you will have an epiphany and realize that you, yourself are responsible for your happiness, and that it is achievable. I go back and forth myself....but the thing that makes it stick is to write it down, and to believe in the one person that can make it happen. You. I believe you can too. Hang in there, ma tsmukan!

And after posting this and reading, I see that in six minutes you got excellent advice all in the same vein. We're here for ya!

Last edited by Taw Makto; 05-06-2010 at 09:41 PM.
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  #6  
Old 05-06-2010, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: So desperately sad... in need of support

Take action ma tsmukan. I would suggest that you take a holiday and go camping. Take only what you need to get through the day. Spend the day enjoying our earth. Think about your situation. Plan to return. I don't mean just say "I need to do this again". Plan an actual date to do it again or do something similar. You've got to get out of this rut and make your life yours again.

Oel ngati kameie tsmukan
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:53 PM
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It's difficult to know what to suggest as everyone's interpretation of the world is different, but I too have experienced a similar feeling in the past few weeks.

The only advice I would give you, that helped me in such a time is thus;

Don't follow the same pattern. Don't think the same thoughts. If you see something beautiful and you want to admire it, do so. If you want to look up to the sky and laugh do it. If you want to roam the streets, roam them - and don't let anyone tell you you can't. You have the right to express emotion just as any other person on the face of this planet, to walk the land as far and as long as you want, to find yourself.

If you find beauty in life, in time, others will too. And from those - many, many more.

Oel ngati kameie ma tsmukan.
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Old 05-06-2010, 10:30 PM
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I cannot fathom this feeling your talking about, but imagining myself in a steel cage with a visible sky doesn't sound real inviting. I am truly sorry for your situation. I would believe a trip to the country would really do you some wonders.

When I'm feeling caged in, I try my best to relax, and let the trouble melt away. Even though you'll have to face that trouble again, you'll feel better inside. If your dream is outside of the city, let this new small measure of peace should take you step closer to achieving that escape.
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Old 05-06-2010, 10:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apollo View Post
I cannot fathom this feeling your talking about, but imagining myself in a steel cage with a visible sky doesn't sound real inviting. I am truly sorry for your situation. I would believe a trip to the country would really do you some wonders.

When I'm feeling caged in, I try my best to relax, and let the trouble melt away. Even though you'll have to face that trouble again, you'll feel better inside. If your dream is outside of the city, let this new small measure of peace should take you step closer to achieving that escape.
Indeed! I agree with Apollo. You really need to get out of the city for a good hike or picnic.

Here is a picture of some wildflowers I took yesterday on the way home from work. Get out there and see what you can find!

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Old 05-06-2010, 10:51 PM
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Is that Prairie grass? You live near a grassland?

*I can never distinguish wild plants from prairie grass*
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Cameron may have born Pandora, but living there must be made by your own hands. I have made Pandora with my hands, with color, oil, paint, and pencil.

Like Pandora, it was hard work. Apply it to anything, you'll see the most complex of dreams come to life.
[Away from my Pizza Rolls! nehahhh!!]

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  #11  
Old 05-06-2010, 11:00 PM
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I didn't take this photo myself, Eltu, but it's from an Area - near - where I live.
This weekend, if I can get a camera to work, I'll get some pictures of the wilderness closer to where I live.

The wilderness is out there Eltu, and I know one can sometimes feel so distant and disconnected from nature: I'm still stuck in a suburb until I graduate. However, nature has all the time in the world, so to speak, and is always waiting for those who wish to reconnect to do so.
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:00 PM
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Default Re: So desperately sad... in need of support

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apollo
Is that Prairie grass? You live near a grassland?

*I can never distinguish wild plants from prairie grass*
I live in the central valley of California. The valley is naturally grassy with wild flowers in the spring. The area is often referred to as a desert due to the 110 degree dry summers we have. This all dies and turns an ugly yellow in the summer. We have had more rain this winter and spring than usual so the wild flowers are doing very well. Everything you see in that picture are weeds and grass lol. It's actually illegal to pick these wild flowers.

Here is a shot taken by my cities newspaper out by UC Merced. This overlooks the Sierra Nevada's. Much of the area would look grassy and prairie like during winter/spring. In the summer its very hot and dry.

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Last edited by madman; 05-06-2010 at 11:04 PM.
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:08 PM
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I feel the same way Eltu. I get up go to school every weekday, rinse and repeat. Life seems to get bland, fuzzy so to speak. It doesn't feel like it is how you are supposed to live. I wish I could live like the Na'vi. The knowledge that the Native Americans lived exactly where I do a few centuries ago just this way, and the Europeans came along and eradicated them makes me very sad.

Living wild and free, one day at a time, and taking only what you need from the environment is something I greatly desire. Like Jake and Neytiri in the forest everyday just living in the moment and reacting to what ever happens, like when they almost where eaten by Toruk.

So Eltu, as said above, I would also suggest going on a vacation or doing something out of the ordinary. No matter how hopeless you feel about how terrible society has become, you are still in charge of your own life and can make changes.
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:34 PM
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Eltu, I have write this a lot of time on AF before, I know that will not help you, but I was feeling exactly like you, no difference at all.
A guy on AF have write, that because we are now "awake", we can see and what we see is not the thing we are supposed to.

I was feel lost, every thing have none sens any more, all my passions have despaired, lost the gold of life and all my faith in it.

This society is wrong and now I see it. Sadly I don't know what to do, try to forgot about it, even if I know it's not the good thing to do.

I just want to said, your not alone in that, we have this community.
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*̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ *̡͌l̡*
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  #15  
Old 05-07-2010, 04:24 AM
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Here is what I do, every summer (and often during other breaks) I take a vacation somewhere beautiful. Somewhere where I have the ability to be alone. You can really appreciate the world doing this.

For instance last summer my dad and I went out sailing and every day and night we saw the this.







Just find a place, find a way to get there, and go. Despite what everyone seems to think, you can actually go out in do these things. You just have to try...
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