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Old 09-25-2010, 05:34 PM
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Default Hyperparented?

Noticing how many people here are in the young adult age range, I am wondering how many of you find the description of "hyperparenting" in this article: Hyper-parented kids starting to crack accurate for yourself. It might seem like it's not describing anything new... but I assure you it is very different from the way kids were raised in the 70's. In particular, do you have parents that raised you in this "hyper" fashion and are you experiencing anxiety or depression as the article says?
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Old 09-25-2010, 10:12 PM
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Not really, though I'm not as independent as I'd like to be, but that's a bit different. I don't think I know anyone hyperparented, it's probably more common in more western countries.
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Old 09-26-2010, 03:50 AM
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Sadly, yeah, my parents tend to keep a tight leash. Luckily it seems like they're loosening up a bit lately.
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Old 09-26-2010, 04:17 AM
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My mom is definitely a hyperparent. When I was little I was NEVER allowed to go outside if she wasn't there. I wasn't allowed to talk to any of the boys in my neighborhood because she didn't think it was appropriate or right. She used to make me sit in front of a TV all day because it was "safer". I always had to be better than I was, nothing was ever good enough for her. She never told me "Oh you got a B on a quiz? Good Job!" it was always somthing like "Oh it's not an A...maybe next time" I remember in Middle School my mom made me join the Volley Ball team and I HATED it, but she always told me it was for my own good until one day I broke down at Volley Ball practice and my coach called my mom and gave her a long talk. I've always been very bad in Math and Freshman year through Sophmore year I was forced to have a tutor and I hated it. I always felt very stupid when I couldn't solve a problem and it stressed me out. I've actually been fighting depression since around Middle School and Axiety since about the 4th grade. I always had an inhaler in Elementary - Freshman year in High School. Sometimes it would'nt help me and I would faint during a presentation or go into an Axiety attack. I've been on depression pills ever since the 7th grade and my mom still makes sure I regularly take them, because she thinks it'll make me perfect. I had to go see a Therapist for about 5 years because I was showing signs of Depression and I would draw very dark and gruesome things and my mom was always ashamed of me and my art. Funny but I usually hate talking about myself or my life, but this topic is definitely something that I have been thinking about for a long time. I think this is what you kind of meant by hyper-parenting I might have gone a little off topic lol.
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:15 AM
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Nah, i'd say my parents are pretty conventional.
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:42 AM
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Wow Elyannia, I'm not an expert in the topic, but you sound like the poster child for the article. Thanks for sharing.

Even though I'm not part of that generation, I had my own share of being hyperparented. Your story reminds me of my parents' reactions to my grades in high school. Being in England, we didn't get letter grades; we got percentages: 78%, 82%, etc. No score was ever good enough for them. Once I brought home a score of 99% on a math exam - and we are talking about a tough teacher, he would deduct a point if you misplaced a comma in the text part of an explanation - and their only response was, "So why didn't you get 100?" So on the next test, I did get 100%. (For perspective, the lowest score in the same class of 30 boys was 9%.) Know what they said about that? Absolutely nothing. But that felt good enough.
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Old 09-26-2010, 06:33 AM
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<rant>
I'm definitely hyper-parented. I'm just glad I've been able to step back and see that. Same thing as Elyannia about the grades. Anything less than a B and my mom and dad would be all over those "Make you child jump two grade levels in two weeks" tutors. Also, they have very old fashioned attitudes about the internet, and the determination to enforce them. Hell, I'm not even supposed to be posting in a forum, let alone chat on IRC. I agree with that article that parents are more and more trying to make their children products, outcomes of their desires for their children to be just like them. I get called immature all the time when I disagree with any of my parents' (ridiculous) opinions. And that's partly why they're not letting me get my driver's license.

Hyper-parenting does cause depression. I used to be depressed because I could never measure up to their lofty goals. I cracked. I stopped caring what they, or anyone else for that matter, thought about me. If anything, being hyper-parenting hasn't made me the sheeple upstanding, mature member of society that they want me to be. It's done the opposite. Along with Avatar, it's given me a larger perspective on how f***ed up the world is, and a desire to change it by any means necessary; f*** society.

I'm not even typing this on my PC. My dad took it away from me this evening (it had a faulty RAM module, it wasn't much use to me anyway ), but that's a rant for a different time. Here I am, sitting in front of a Pentium II laptop from the stone age just to escape my absolute s*** life that's made even worse by hyper-parenting.
</rant>

I hope this is somewhat coherent, as I went off on a tangent a bit, but I still think this has a place in this thread somewhere.
I'm tired, it's midnight here, and I stayed up 'till two in the morning last night doing homework. I should probably avoid sleepwalk-posting in the future.

Oh, and if you want more rant, this happened to me last year: Sheeple Parents

Last edited by Sight Unseen; 09-26-2010 at 06:36 AM.
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Old 09-26-2010, 07:25 AM
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I definatly not hyperparented throughout my life. To be honest, my childhood and teenage years (in my late teens at the moment) were kinda rough for me, especially when it comes to being parented.
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Old 09-26-2010, 08:40 AM
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I'm not hyperparented either, actually the opposite. My parents were always there and treated me ok. But to be honest, they would have helped me if they pushed me a little more (school, social stuff, ect)

But I can see how some people might crack
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Old 09-26-2010, 09:24 AM
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My parents did that sometimes, like when I took up drumming they found me a drum teacher and I've always had a private tennis coach. However, I combated that by just jamming with the drum teacher and just playing for fun with the tennis coach. I got lucky in both cases where both of them were cool enough to do that. As for the thing about the bedtime stories, my dad read me the Hobbit as a kid so I wouldn't really consider that a soundbite of a story. It took effort on my part to get my mom to relax.
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Old 09-26-2010, 11:31 AM
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I kind of recognise parts of that from when I was younger, but lucky it wasn't too bad for me... not like people here who I know
My parents (well, parent for most of my life) haven't usually been exactly demanding (most of the time anyway) in that way, but more overconfident... Claiming to know what I can do when I'm saying I'm not necessarily that good, then trying to justify it for some reason when I don't reach what they wanted me to. At least I did get to do normal things and I do understand it in part, but it doesn't mean it was really right... It's just something I never want to do if I ever have children because I know what it's like, and I know people who've had it even worse...
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sight Unseen View Post
I cracked. I stopped caring what they, or anyone else for that matter, thought about me. If anything, being hyper-parenting hasn't made me the sheeple upstanding, mature member of society that they want me to be. It's done the opposite.
I agree 100% I rebelled a lot, because I felt like I would never live up to their standards so why should I even ****ing care about anything. Stopped caring about grades, ditched a lot, or maybe even slept in my classes. I barely graduated High School, I had to take Summer School in order to graduate. It wasn't till just recently that I started college and took a class that I like that I actually started caring again about my education.
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:46 PM
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I wouldn't say that I actually AM hyperparented, but a lot of the time, it certanly feels it. Not so much in the fact that they stop me doing what I want to do, but they worry a lot.

My parents, (particularly my mum) like to have a lot of knowledge about what i'm doing, where i'm going, who i'm speaking to etc. but particularly on the internet, and they like to plan for that. Planning is not something that is in my nature (Aquarians are generally "Predicatbly unpredicatable") so it seems bizzare to me that they would want to have such strong control over such situations.

Due to this, I tend to get slight paranoia.
As a matter of fact, I think that my mum is watching my moves on the internet due to the fact that a notification came up saying something about the internet security child monitoring service. I just would like to be able to keep my business on the internet exactly that, without having to be looking over my shoulder and feeling guilty about speaking to people on the web.

But as HNM said, i've known people who have had it so much worse and I really feel for them.
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Old 09-26-2010, 10:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elyannia View Post
I agree 100% I rebelled a lot, because I felt like I would never live up to their standards so why should I even ****ing care about anything. Stopped caring about grades, ditched a lot, or maybe even slept in my classes. I barely graduated High School, I had to take Summer School in order to graduate. It wasn't till just recently that I started college and took a class that I like that I actually started caring again about my education.
I guess the same happened to me... it took until this year for me to finally crack though. Stopped caring about my work at uni, told her in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of the course and all these demands and expectations and that I couldn't take it any more. It was a good thing to do, I think...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan View Post
My parents, (particularly my mum) like to have a lot of knowledge about what i'm doing, where i'm going, who i'm speaking to etc. but particularly on the internet, and they like to plan for that. Planning is not something that is in my nature (Aquarians are generally "Predicatbly unpredicatable") so it seems bizzare to me that they would want to have such strong control over such situations.
I'll ignre the part about your personality being based on your birthday... A lot of parents need to be controlling - they ignore the fact that people are old enough to make their own decisions and still treat them like they are too young, because they don't want to face the reality of it.

PS. If you think there's software spying on you, I'd be happy to help with that... I've always hated people using that stuff.
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Old 09-27-2010, 12:55 AM
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After reading some of the stories on here I feel I'm blessed. When my parents were still together it felt really good about my parents. I'd come home from school and they would ask me how it was, need help with homework? I could stay home and play games or watch TV, go help dad on the farm, go with mom to town. It didn't matter. As long as I was happy.

After my parents split I have even more free-range. I stay with my dad and really he doesn't care what I do, except when I helping on the farm. But at home, he goes and does what he wants, I do what I want. He never checks my computer, and is supportive of what I want and need.

It makes me sad to hear of great people on here having issues with there parents.
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