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Old 11-19-2010, 04:42 AM
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Default What is love?

Obligatory: "Baby don't hurt me..." Okay, that's out of my system.



Now, a little background here, I was cruising AF as is my custom, when randomly I noted the number of Neytiri adoration threads. Well, I'd never really given them more than a passing glance myself, I delved in to read a bit. I noticed allot of people declaring that they were "in love" with her.

Now rewind a bit... I recently met a wonderful woman in my IT courses, and we're trying to build a relationship. Earlier today in fact, I was thinking about her whilst driving home from work. I came to the conclusion, that I didn't necessarily "love" her. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending what time I can with her, she makes me smile, generally a highpoint of the day, but I never felt what I usually defined as "love". This kind of shocked me at first, I was worried that somebody who met my closest ideals wasn't somebody I loved. However, I started thinking, can we really just declare love for somebody just based on our outside perception of them? I don't know about you, but the way others view me (I think) and the way I am are a little different.

An example of this (in all places...) that stuck out in my mind was a Star Wars novel. Wraith Squadron to be exact, one of the characters discusses "falling in love" with a reflection, not necessarily with the person, but just what you expect of them. They describe these "love affairs" as low maintenance, and most definitely not real love. (at least not real love with the actual person)

Now, this brings me to admit something to myself... In the past I myself have stated that I "loved" Tali from Mass Effect, but now that I look closely at it, I really cant say that. I've fallen in love with a reflection of her, you can't just "fall in love" with somebody right as you meet them, or from a distance. I can say "I'm attracted to her" or "I have a nerdcrush <3" but those are admitting that I don't actually love her, I'm simply... Interested. No matter how interested, its still at that level.

Bringing this back to da Neytiri topic then... It's a truly unfortunate fact, but we really don't get to see a whole lot of her (in the grand scheme of things). Two hour movie, she's in maybe... 1.5 hours of it in detail? I mean, I've spent a good day's worth of time in Mass Effect learning about Tali, and I now have to admit, that using the word "love" was... An overstatement.

I'm starting to ramble. Quick sum up then dropping the discussion question. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot be in love with Tali, nor anybody truly, without spending great deals of personal time with them. I also feel that to call anything but that love is impossible.

Question: You've "fallen in love" with a character (any character, Neytiri, Tali, Jake, anything/anybody else who's fictional...), do you feel that with the limited contact you've had, you can truly love them?

Discuss/Flame
(Attraction being, you find them interesting, and want to try to develop something real)
((sort of arguing semantics, I think I get what you mean when you say "love", but just throwing this out for discussion))
(((Sorry for any wayward thoughts in here, I'm a bit tired, just point them out and I'll try to explain them)))
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Last edited by Isard; 11-19-2010 at 04:52 AM.
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Old 11-19-2010, 04:53 AM
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They (and I) feel a deep connection with her. Whether you call that love, or interest, or a "nerdcrush <3" is really just semantics, dependent on how deep that feeling is. Plus there are different kinds of love. It seems like your trying to describe Eros or Storge love (most likely it seems the latter, at least in terms of the girl you met in IT class). The love that many AFers show would probably be classified as Agape love. Someone they could never be with in this life physically (though I'm sure they would all want to, same with you and Tali if it was possibly, amirite?), but allow her spirit/non-physical self to live within their hearts and minds.
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Old 11-19-2010, 04:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsyal Makto View Post
They (and I) feel a deep connection with her. Whether you call that love, or interest, or a "nerdcrush <3" is really just semantics, dependent on how deep that feeling is. Plus there are different kinds of love. It seems like your trying to describe Eros or Storge love (most likely it seems the latter, at least in terms of the girl you met in IT class). The love that many AFers show would probably be classified as Agape love. Someone they could never be with in this life physically (though I'm sure they would all want to, same with you and Tali if it was possibly, amirite?), but allow her spirit/non-physical self to live within their hearts and minds.


I was thinking of editing and adding that this is mainly a semantic discussion...

As for "storge" love between myself and the idol of my affections, that exists between most people. I was trying to stress the point that I am not desperately in love with her. I'm attracted to her, but I haven't spent near enough time getting to know her intimately to truly be "in love". It's the same with Tali. I can't know her, beyond the small window that is Mass Effect. I'm just having trouble defining that as love (at least love as I have been defining it) Because I do not know her. That's the core of it, I don't know Tali at all. Even if I could meet Tali, I have no guarantee that she'd be like my mental image is. Can we declare love for somebody we don't really know?
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Last edited by Isard; 11-19-2010 at 06:32 AM.
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Old 11-19-2010, 05:12 AM
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The word "love" covers a lot of ground. At the first levi el there is romantic and non-romantic love. These are quite different, yet we use the same word. When was younger prone to love at first sight. Today, not so much. The word I think you might have been looking for was infatuated or something like that. You are attracted to an idea ro perhaps an ideal, but not a real person.
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Old 11-19-2010, 05:25 AM
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At the end of the day it's all biology and as a biologist it's my prerogative to defend that argument. You can fall in love with people on the other side of the world or in works of fiction. Based on your interpretation of their phenotype (which traits are expressed in their physical character). This covers things like their physical attractiveness which can be ascertained through pictures and their personality which can also be deduced in a number of ways. There is simply a good chance of the attraction being even stronger if you are in contact with them in the flesh. A few things may compound the feelings such as, pheromones, the sound of their voice, the way they walk, ect ect....

Simple really.
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Old 11-19-2010, 06:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aihwa
I've fallen in love with a reflection of her
This is the thing, I think. And it is not necessarily something bad - because your image of someone defines that person for you.

As I previously stated in this thread - Neytiri - a message - my love for Neytiri is not for the person itself, but for everything she shows me. And that can be done no matter for how long you see someone.

So yes, I'd say - if you have fallen in love with a reflection of someone, then yes, you can said to be in love with this person.

After all... it's just a word.
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:02 AM
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I've seen so many love threads now...

But yes, I do find it a bit hard to love a character from fiction. However, there is no doubt in loving what they represent.
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