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Old 04-05-2010, 04:52 AM
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Default Why can't I grieve?

My apologies for the overly dramatic title.

So my 10 year old snake is to be euthanized Wednesday. I'm had him since I was about five or so, and I love him very dearly. My mother, my sister, and I found out he needed to be euthanized a few days ago. When my mother and sister first heard the news, they burst into tears and were very distraught.

But not me. I haven't shed a single tear. I have been thinking about him (the snake) often, but I don't feel anything. Surely I should be upset and crying like my mom and my sister? But I can't. I look at him and see that he is dying. I know he will be gone in two days. But this doesn't make me sad, or angry, or confused. I don't feel anything at all...

I just don't understand why this isn't affecting me. I love my snake dearly and will miss him terribly when he is gone. But why can't I grieve for him right now? I feel freaking heartless, watching my mom and my sister crying their eyes out while I don't feel anything at all.

EDIT: Wow, just read over that and I repeat myself a lot. Sorry about that.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:12 AM
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People grieve in a lot of different ways and timeframes. Perhaps it will not really hit you until it has actually happened. I know, when my dog of 17 years was finally too feeble to go on several years ago, that was how it worked for me. I was sad knowing it was coming, but it didn't really hit me until she was gone.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:25 AM
Lord Duke the Baron
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I lost a dog recently, and I didn't really cry. Listen, not crying does not mean that you are heartless and don't care. Emotions are a tricky thing. Don't worry about it.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:26 AM
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It might not hit you after she is gone either, it might take a few days to a week or so for it to really sink in and know that he isn't coming back.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanh View Post
But not me. I haven't shed a single tear. I have been thinking about him (the snake) often, but I don't feel anything. Surely I should be upset and crying like my mom and my sister? But I can't. I look at him and see that he is dying. I know he will be gone in two days. But this doesn't make me sad, or angry, or confused. I don't feel anything at all...

I just don't understand why this isn't affecting me. I love my snake dearly and will miss him terribly when he is gone. But why can't I grieve for him right now? I feel freaking heartless, watching my mom and my sister crying their eyes out while I don't feel anything at all.


I know this is a touchy subject, but hear me out. If you can find any relief in this addition, that's what it's meant for.


I like to think that you love your snake more than you know. This is my opinion, but when you love someone so much, you know that he/she is a part of you. Seeing that part of you die is too much to bare, and the heart remains in believing that the other part of you still exists, even though he/she isn't among the living. My dog died 4 months ago, and I felt exactly like this. I knew she was in my version of heaven, because whenever I close my eyes to obtain serenity, I see her wagging tail and her tapping nose on my hand under a bloomy dark orange filled sky.

Do not forget and archive the dead, remember them through example and known personality. Do not speak of how he/she died, Speak of how they lived. You honor their memory more that way.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:12 PM
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It's not a problem, different people just deal with things in different ways.

I had this same issue too (shockingly) when my grandma died. I was never really close to her, but she was still a part of my quite small family and when I heard she had passed away I was a little bit sad, but I felt not to the extent I should be. I didn't cry, not even did I shed a tear. But when the funeral came around I broke down and cried very deeply.

Like zongtseng said, people grieve over different timeframes and in different ways. I don't want to get you down or anything but i'm sure after the event, it will begin to hit.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:21 PM
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My guess is your in shock, at some point it'll all catch up with you.
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:13 PM
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I know the feeling, you know it's a real loss but your heart doesn't want to react.

You're not heartless; you cannot control your feelings, but you can do so with your memories. As long as you remember him and appreciate the good times you had, he will remain with you.
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Last edited by ZenitYerkes; 04-05-2010 at 04:53 PM.
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grif View Post
I lost a dog recently, and I didn't really cry. Listen, not crying does not mean that you are heartless and don't care. Emotions are a tricky thing. Don't worry about it.
I lost a dog year ago. I remember I was first unable to cry when it happened, all that took place was a strange awful feeling. After an hour though, I cried very long.
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Old 04-05-2010, 06:25 PM
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Like some of the others have said, everyone grieves in different ways and at different times. I have lost pets before. I cried but not for long. When my grandmother died, I cried for a small bit but not much. Sometimes, it isn't until the funeral that the emotions hit me, sometimes not. It varies. You are not heartless. You just grieve in a different way. It hurts to lose a pet. They become a bit part of the family. The friend that is always there just ready to jump on you and curl up next to you wanting to be petted . I still miss Jinx, my adorable siamese cat who I grew up with. He was a sweetheart.

I'm sorry for your loss. The most painful part is knowing that your pet will have to be put to sleep. It hurts .
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  #11  
Old 04-05-2010, 07:17 PM
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I agree with everyone else here. I've lost many people and dear pets over the years, and the process was different for each one. My uncle died many years ago at this point, and for a long time, I didn't cry. I loved him very much and missed him terribly, but it took about two years before I finally cried for him. I felt very bad, really heartless, like you said, but it didn't mean I didn't miss him or love him. It just took a long time.

You will grieve in your own time, and don't feel bad for not following any kind of "schedule".

*hug*
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  #12  
Old 04-05-2010, 08:54 PM
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I've never really had pets so can't speak from experience, but I think the others have a point, and it might not fully hit you yet. People do react differently though, sometimes it takes longer for something this to sink in.

Also, sorry to hear that *hugs*
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Old 04-07-2010, 04:28 AM
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Emotions works different for every individual - while someone might break down at the mere thought of someone passing away - someone might not break down even when they do so. I recently lost my great-grandmother, but was unable to shed a tear. I wasn't that close to her, but still, I sorta "knew her". I was of course sad, but not as sad as I wanted to be. I wanted to be sad, everyone else was. I guess that's just my way of reacting to losses/grief.
Just because you don't cry doesn't mean you don't care.
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  #14  
Old 04-08-2010, 04:16 AM
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Tanh is really freaking confused right now.
 
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*group hug*

Thanks for the responses everyone. Your words mean a lot to me I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond for a while, I have been really busy with schoolwork.

So the snake was put down today while I was in school . I came home and saw his empty cage and his heat lamp turned off. In my head I was thinking, "He's gone now..." It should've been depressing, but I still don't feel anything... I guess I'm still in shock.
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