So desperately sad... in need of support
 

...where should I start?

I have restrained myself from making these kind of posts, mostly because there are people IRL who knows about ToS that I do not want to know much of how I feel.

But really... I simply don't care about that anymore... they can think what they want. And tonight everything suddenly struck me, like a wave of realizations and sadness.

The life I live today... it does not feel like it is mine. Every single day is followed by an amazingly beautiful sunset... Earth is capable of showing us great beauty, filling our lives with happiness...

But do we experience this? No.

Everyone sits inside, almost every single day, doing the same things every day... the days blend together... we COULD experience the beauty of Earth together... but we don't. Not today. Not in this society.

And that's what it boils down to, really... I am not depressed because Earth is not beautiful... Earth is a wonderful place. But today's society... a whole different thing. The sense of community... where everyone around you, every day, are persons you can share your life with... it's not present in modern society.

I look out my window, look down at the city where I live... it's cold, lifeless... destroyed.

"We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a small variation of the last, every movement smoothly following the curves of social norms."

I do not want to live a life like this... I want to live, truly live a life, on EARTH, not in a steel wasteland. A life among people I TRULY know.

I don't know what to do... I'm lost...

I really don't have the answers here... You need to do what you feel is right. I'm not even sure what that is... but I know one thing, you can do what you want. It's so depressing other people don't understand, but you still control your own life. Do what you want. Find somewhere, something to do. Something to focus on, which keeps you connected to the world.

Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan.... :(

Eltu, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I know its not easy and that it seems that everything is depressing. Perhaps it good to take a walk and enjoy the world around you, concentrating on the natural elements. It might work.

I feel exactly the same, ma tsmukan. Really. :(
I am, just like you are, still young. And my hopes are that I'll be able to do something to make a difference in the future - to get us away from the "hopelessness" we live in.
And that's what really gets me through the day...
And, like I've spoken to you before of, dropping everything - friends, family, education... practically your entire life... and moving to someplace untouched by modern society - and live in a very small community without any electronics etc - that's how I want to live, and I know you want, too. (because I have spoken to you about it). It's something to consider.

Over the last few weeks, I have just like you realized that there earth can truly be a beautiful place. We're lucky, you and I, that we live in Sweden; for Sweden is not as polluted as the majority of other countries/major cities... Take NYC, it's concrete and iron for as far as the eye can see, whilst here, we actually have (at least in the outskirts of the city) some really beautiful forests and wildlife etc.
I've ventured off topic...
Over the last few weeks, I have realized that there are many places, actually close to me, that really are beautiful.

It's no Pandora, granted, but it's something. It's definitely something.

You're not alone with the feeling you're having, just like with PAD ;)

Eltu, I completely understand. I get that "buried alive" kind of feeling too, and every option I consider seems to have some insurmountable obstacle. Don't give up seeking, that's the main thing. You have your frustrations and the emotions they produce. You will need to process that, and the only way is to be patient and let the river flow where it will. A trip to the country might be cleansing. The end point of this process is to find a goal. If your goal is to leave the city at some point, write out the scenario of how that will happen...step by step.

The key thing is to realize in your heart that you are not trapped. Eventually you will have an epiphany and realize that you, yourself are responsible for your happiness, and that it is achievable. I go back and forth myself....but the thing that makes it stick is to write it down, and to believe in the one person that can make it happen. You. I believe you can too. Hang in there, ma tsmukan!

And after posting this and reading, I see that in six minutes you got excellent advice all in the same vein. We're here for ya!

Re: So desperately sad... in need of support
 

Take action ma tsmukan. I would suggest that you take a holiday and go camping. Take only what you need to get through the day. Spend the day enjoying our earth. Think about your situation. Plan to return. I don't mean just say "I need to do this again". Plan an actual date to do it again or do something similar. You've got to get out of this rut and make your life yours again.

Oel ngati kameie tsmukan

It's difficult to know what to suggest as everyone's interpretation of the world is different, but I too have experienced a similar feeling in the past few weeks.

The only advice I would give you, that helped me in such a time is thus;

Don't follow the same pattern. Don't think the same thoughts. If you see something beautiful and you want to admire it, do so. If you want to look up to the sky and laugh do it. If you want to roam the streets, roam them - and don't let anyone tell you you can't. You have the right to express emotion just as any other person on the face of this planet, to walk the land as far and as long as you want, to find yourself.

If you find beauty in life, in time, others will too. And from those - many, many more.

Oel ngati kameie ma tsmukan.

Indeed! I agree with Apollo. You really need to get out of the city for a good hike or picnic.

Here is a picture of some wildflowers I took yesterday on the way home from work. Get out there and see what you can find!

http://www.tree-of-souls.com/members...lowers_001.jpg

http://ouachita.dismalhiker.org/file...falls_0494.jpg

I didn't take this photo myself, Eltu, but it's from an Area - near - where I live.
This weekend, if I can get a camera to work, I'll get some pictures of the wilderness closer to where I live.

The wilderness is out there Eltu, and I know one can sometimes feel so distant and disconnected from nature: I'm still stuck in a suburb until I graduate. However, nature has all the time in the world, so to speak, and is always waiting for those who wish to reconnect to do so. :D

Re: So desperately sad... in need of support
 

I live in the central valley of California. The valley is naturally grassy with wild flowers in the spring. The area is often referred to as a desert due to the 110 degree dry summers we have. This all dies and turns an ugly yellow in the summer. We have had more rain this winter and spring than usual so the wild flowers are doing very well. Everything you see in that picture are weeds and grass lol. It's actually illegal to pick these wild flowers.

Here is a shot taken by my cities newspaper out by UC Merced. This overlooks the Sierra Nevada's. Much of the area would look grassy and prairie like during winter/spring. In the summer its very hot and dry.

http://www.tree-of-souls.com/members...mitemerced.jpg

I feel the same way Eltu. I get up go to school every weekday, rinse and repeat. Life seems to get bland, fuzzy so to speak. It doesn't feel like it is how you are supposed to live. I wish I could live like the Na'vi. The knowledge that the Native Americans lived exactly where I do a few centuries ago just this way, and the Europeans came along and eradicated them makes me very sad.

Living wild and free, one day at a time, and taking only what you need from the environment is something I greatly desire. Like Jake and Neytiri in the forest everyday just living in the moment and reacting to what ever happens, like when they almost where eaten by Toruk.

So Eltu, as said above, I would also suggest going on a vacation or doing something out of the ordinary. No matter how hopeless you feel about how terrible society has become, you are still in charge of your own life and can make changes.

Eltu, I have write this a lot of time on AF before, I know that will not help you, but I was feeling exactly like you, no difference at all.
A guy on AF have write, that because we are now "awake", we can see and what we see is not the thing we are supposed to.

I was feel lost, every thing have none sens any more, all my passions have despaired, lost the gold of life and all my faith in it.

This society is wrong and now I see it. Sadly I don't know what to do, try to forgot about it, even if I know it's not the good thing to do.

I just want to said, your not alone in that, we have this community.

Here is what I do, every summer (and often during other breaks) I take a vacation somewhere beautiful. Somewhere where I have the ability to be alone. You can really appreciate the world doing this.

For instance last summer my dad and I went out sailing and every day and night we saw the this.

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...g/IMG_0283.jpg

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...g/IMG_0336.jpg



Just find a place, find a way to get there, and go. Despite what everyone seems to think, you can actually go out in do these things. You just have to try...

Wow thanks Griff for this awesome pics,

Some where beautifully where you can be alone to think is a good Idea, I love to do that, it help to relaxe, take time to think clearly and evacuate stress for a moment, it my kind of meditation, I love this moments. But sadly "soon or later you always have to wake up" and came back to the real life.

Yes, in fact I did use a Canon.

I think that real life may not be the best way to describe what we live in.

Thank you all for your replies.

As I said in my original post... it's not Earth, nature itself that is saddening... I know Earth is incredibly beautiful, and I do take long walks out in nature when I have the chance...

It's rather the community and life situation we have today... Sure, I can be outside, experience the beauty of Earth... but once I get back, I get reminded of the harsh reality. As I said in my OP, the sense of community... where everyone around you, every day, are persons you can share your life with... it's not present in modern society.

And I mean... what happens i the future? Will I get a repetitive job, do the same things every day..? What am I striving to accomplish right now?

I mean...I don't want to live like this... it isn't my home - it feels like I don't belong here...

Eltu, if I had a penny for every time I thought of that in my entire lifetime, I would be a millionaire. :D

Don't let this drag you down. The future is not set in stone. You create what you want to create. Don't let others or even me tell you what you want out of life. Follow your own passions. Start small. Take it one step at a time, like what I'm doing now.

Making a world filled with peace will take time, but it only takes one significant moment to be completely at peace, which is right here and now. Through that, you can be a beacon of light to others and they will follow and realize their own. :)

Be a shining light; that is all you can do at this moment. The future lies in your hands Eltu, nobody else's. :)

make that billionaire... I too feel guilty of not spending enough tine with Earth and it's beauty... I think "when I get home I'm going to take a walk" but something else comes up or I just want to sit down and it doesn't happen... I need to figure out a way of making myself do it... The hard part is actually getting up and doing it once I'm past that I don't look back... I feel for you Eltu and completely understand. Don't give up hope some if not all of us here feel the same way you do... We're a family

Aye. I definitely don't spend enough time with Earth and its beauty -- all my time is spent hunched over a computer, staring at a textbook, frantically taking notes in class, or puzzling over homework, and I never seem to find the time to get outside... I've taken to taking long-ish (half-hour) walks around my university campus, which is at least a start, but I'm in a situation much like yours.

Eltu: I don't know what to tell you, aside from 'oel ngati kameie'... I feel the same way, and I'm just as lost. *hugs*

Send me that PM we mentioned before. I really want to talk to you about this, just let it all get out of you, write it down and I'll answer you the best way I can.

But just some advice: know all your possibilities and choose the rightest.

It's all I can say now.

Yeah that's right, but it's hard to know where to go. When you don't have fixed passions, If all this passions come an go, which one I am supposed to chose????
It's always like that, when I think I have found my passion the years later I have something new or my old passions despaired. There have so much thing I want to do.

I don't know if is that way Eltu see that, but that how I live it.

I know exactly what you mean... I don't belong on Earth. I want to live like the Na'vi do.

I want to do something different. Not be trapped, forced to spend the rest of my life doing the same thing, all for nothing, but I don't know how :'(

I have a dog => I have to take a walk, but I love it :)

So desperately sad... in need of support
 

Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan Eltu. *hugs*

When I get depressed because of the blindness of humanity, I just think silently:

"Whatever happens, It's only the Earth we destroy, and it will recover.."

It's still sad, but clears out the hopeless feeling.

I have to diasagree with some of the stuff you mentioned dude... Simply because without technology there would be no avatar...There would be no space missions, we wouldn't have the internet, we wouldnt know each other.

That argument is flawed.

Without technology there would be no NEED for avatar, space, internet or each other - because we would live in a completely different society than today.

If we were to live in a tribal society like for example the nature tribes of south america... we would be in a completely different situation, we would be surrounded by people we know and can share our lives with...

...now I'm depressed again. :'(

I still believe in technology thanks to The Venus Project.

Forgive me Eltu, I did not notice this thread until know,i understand alot of what you are saying, technology is a result of a curious mind though, curiosity can lead to bad things but without that we would not be human.

Technology is what separates us from Monkeys and Apes. You are being hypocritical by even using a computer right now. I tell you what, go out into the jungle and try and live without technology. I bet if you did that you'd last less than 3 days and come back into the world of technology feeling rather stupid.