Aquaplant, I understand that it feels like words can carry little meaning, that it's difficult to interpret when you're talking behind a proxy, but there are real people sitting behind these screens and these words and from what I read, they are willing to help and support you should you need it.

The same goes for me.

Understanding
 

^^^ This. :) I absolutely love this place. I come here for one reason and one reason only: to make beautiful friendships. Perhaps I'll help out a buddy or two, or perhaps we can just sit down and chat, enjoying all the wonders of the world through exchanging pictures. Or talking about unique philosophies and how they influence our ways of life. Either way, there are a million of things to do here in this forum and it is treated with utmost respect and compassion for each individual here. :) And best of all, the people here are willing to protect it with all they have! :D

*To the Admins*

Sorry for the double posts, but I had to break this post up in two pieces due to not having enough room. Contact me if I need to wait until the next poster and I'll do something about it. I don't want this important information to be deleted.

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I completely agree with you there. Every time I met someone across the internet that I enjoyed chatting with, I always wondered to myself: I'd love to meet this person in real life... But I know that's not going to happen. It can, but it really depends on both of the individuals involved. Either way, there will come a time when some of our members will eventually meet up in real life. It just takes timing and effort, as well as patience.

Let me tell ya, me being deaf like this is NOT an easy experience, and I like to see people in person instead of sitting in my room all day chatting with people online. So I completely understand how you feel. I've learned to simply relax, let it go, and realize that eventually it will come but we need to preserve and have patience with ourselves for it. Beating ourselves up will not work, as I can tell you from experience... *chuckles* In the meantime, try to enjoy yourself here. Have fun while you're at it, and appreciate that you're here for a reason. :) Chat with others and have pleasant conversations while knowing that everything will work out as it's supposed to be. It will come, but first we must set the stage, the foundation, before we can do anything as individuals. :)

It's just that I have problems with socially keeping in touch. I guess I could say I suffer somewhat from what one might call "Do not speak until spoken to" sort of thing.

I do talk on topics that I have something to say about, but usually I don't have all that much to say, at least nothing of importance anyway, so I just stay silent. Also as inconsiderate as I am, my words can cause problems more often than contribute to anything.

There's nothing in my life currently that would motivate me to do anything that much, so I usually just keep to myself and my depressing thoughts. And usually those thoughts keep telling me to stay away from here, because after all this is just another illusion of uncertainty.

Ah okay, so it's more of an inability to actually interact and speak with others in a "normal" way? Is it because you feel different from most people in a way that you cannot describe? I know for me, when I try to communicate with others in real life, I get the feeling that everything's too superficial and unreal, fake. That they're not their true selves and are basically brainwashed into what society says about everything. Sheeple so to speak... Is this what you are referring to or no?

Well I'm different, but in the wrong kind of way. The kind that only hinders one's progress in this reality.

Aren't we all superficial about ourselves in many aspects, for conveniency's sake? We control and censor what we say in order to keep the message simple and not to alienate others with weird opinions.

But that's not quite what I think is wrong with me. I simply lack the initiative necessary to properly handle all these complex social things.

Aquaplant, I'm sorry if I was a bit negative to your post before. After all, we're all here to talk, to listen.
THAT's what makes here special. We're more than friends, we're a family in a way. We really understand each other, support and help, share the good times and happiness and help with the bad times.

I'm actually going through some fairly bad depression myself, so I know how it feels... Might make a thread on it later actually.

Don't be sorry, because only the negative replies made me realize what I had done.

I'm currently once again in a very bad mood, and the only way I can get over it is to shout or break things. This is only one of the qualities that makes me despise myself. I can't receive any advice or help, because I'm too angry to listen. Why is there so much anger, why must everything always fail, it's like a curse that nothing can ever go right.

I don't know how long I'll be able to stay sane, not that I've ever truly been sane, but it seems it's only getting worse these days. It's like there's no end to this darkness, it always follows me where ever I go and whatever I do. All I can do is complain, but nothing constructive ever comes from it.

I'm no longer even capable of forming rational though, all this anger prevents me from thinking.

I guess I'm angry at myself, I don't know. Like I said I can't think clearly, and there are always so many things troubling me, so it's really hard to keep track of it all.

Oh this is always ever so useless when I can't ever find the reason to all this, yet I still complain about it. It's like an infinite loop of madness that never ends.