Ignorant question: what is exactly dark matter and dark energy, and how does it behave to be "dark"?

I've heard so many times about the term but never knew what it actually is.

I am no expert by any means but here is what I understand it to be. It is basically a placeholder in the Standard Model of Astronomy that makes it stay together. Astronomers say that when they observe distant galaxies, their behavior simply does not match the gravity that the visible matter made of atoms in that region creates. There is something they can't see with telescopes measuring energy by the electromagnetic spectrum.Therefore, they conclude that there is another source of the phantom gravity. That is basically dark matter. No one knows what it is.

Then Dark Energy is similar. I think it is used to justify why gravity doesn't simply pull everything in our universe into one big heap. It counteracts gravity. Also, I think it is the placeholder that is used to explain why our universe is accelerating outward.

Notice how I said "our" universe and not "the" universe? That is because I believe there are something called parallel universes. Ever heard of Quantum Mechanics? The behavior of subatomic particles are almost as odd as the concepts of Dark Matter and Energy. There is an experiment called the Double Slit experiment where you can see this. Basically, concious observation collapses the wavefunction of the electron which is in superpositon going through the two slits (which means when no one is measuring it goes through both slits, neither slit, and each individual one. Then when it is measured it chooses one slit to go through). Just watch the vid if you want to see it better.

So with this in mind, it is theorized that every possible outcome for everything is always splitting off into alternate, parallel dimensions, or universes. They are just invisible and intangible. M-theory predicts that there is a 11-dimensional multiverse that governs this phenomenon. Of course there is no proof that this is true, but they are doing experiments at the LHC in Geneva, Switzerland to test these theories.

The reason I told you about Quantum Wavefunction collapse and parallel universes is because I think that they account for the Dark Energy and Matter that science can't understand. I mean wouldn't it be a logical conclusion that all those brancing Quantum realities accounts for the phantom gravity?

Cosmologists call these forces "dark" because nobody knows what they're made of or how they exist or what their full affects on their surroundings are.

Basically saying "we havn't a clue what the **** these are".

Dark Matter and Energy are simply name representing the cause and effect of these mysterious components of our universe. In simple terms, Dark Matter pulls things together and Dark Energy repel things away.

Dark Energy has a roughly 70% greater effect than dark matter thus causes the universe to expand at an exponential rate, a rate of expansion faster than light.

Pretty much what they said. We dont have a clue. So we invent a nice fanciful name and pretend we actually understand something about it.

"Dark" Energy and Matter also get their names because they're undetectable directly, only the effects they make are visible.