Away from here.

[Fkeu'itan]

I've run out of words to say.
There's no decoration left any longer.
No other way I can dress this up...
And besides, I don't know if I want to.
It's insulting to you, me both.

I miss you,
I miss us.
I miss the times when the words we spoke...
They didn't even matter, because we both knew,
Without any shroud, any circumstance.

When we could sit, separated by what seemed...
Hundreds, thousands...
Millions upon billions upon trillions of miles from it all.
And it would feel like we were right next to each other.
But not only the distance between us broke down...

We felt strong.
We felt real.
We felt so disillusioned by the world that it felt we could fight.
But most importantly,
It felt like we would win.

But as time went by,
We saw how small our homes were,
Lost faith in our strengths, our commitments,
Or rather, their growing strength also grew...
A sense of fragility and unsurmountable odds.

As I write this, I can't help but remember,
This is the last night of the year,
The end of another era,
Yet close to when it seemed like another had started.
Another era that - as of right now - hasnt yet ended.

It is only the beginning of it all.
But I don't know what changed to this point.
You alluded you had outgrown me,
I alluded I had lost sight of it all,
We both caught wind that we both have drifted apart.

Both of us know it,
...but neither wants to say it...
Because we're the only company we have,
Out there,
In the world that won't hear or have what we need to say.

Or maybe it is only I who lost touch,
With myself, with the world, with my dreams...
I haven't cried in months, honestly laughed, in what feels like years.
In fact, it feels like a lifetime since I felt anything at all.
By comparison.

Time and time again the situation came up;
"The lonely road of fulfilment,
or the comfortable road of emptiness"?
It's time to make a choice...
With no 'common ground'.

But all the while, the memory haunts me.
I plays over and over until madness in my head,
It preys on me every day.
What it was like before all this,
When no one understood, no one seemed to care...

When everything was grey, and I was lost.
Orphaned to the world because of what I was.
When there was no direction, nothing otside the loop.
Bored, thoughtless, repetitve...
And what all of this will feel like when I still have this feeling.

This place, these people, they were like a sanctuary.
Then we all fell apart.
People moved on, people found purpose, people pursued...
And those left beind were left to live a lie,
While their craving, prying minds twisted their dream until it broke them.

I feel I am one of these people.

Now, it feels like talking to the dark,
And maybe that's what it is these days...
But somehow, this needed to escape.
Day by day, things lose their colour,
But the desire to escape grows stronger.

Everything is cyclical.
From nothing, to everything and back.
There is at least hope,
That I can have everything once more...
Except perhaps company along this road.

Until the time comes,
Time drifts on slowly...
Another minute passes, another track plays...
All the while, I wish I was back in the memory...
Or at least...

Away from here.