I Admit

[fkeua vrrtep]

After maybe 1 year and a couple months , I dusted off my copy of avatar and watched it , yet again it left me with a feeling and a thought shot through my head.

What has changed ? Has the movie, which I valued and still value alot more than just a movie changed me , did it have any aftereffect on me ?

I guess Im not the only one asking that question to myself , but I can answer it , although I don't like the answer .

The answer is I still smoke too much , I drink , I gamble , most of the time Im busy , keeping my head busy if you can say so , but if I think again , it's my mind keeping ME busy .

Im still very indecicive , I still can't muster the courage to do something about it , my willpower is drained slowly but surely .

I told myself , you should value the token of life more , or start to first of all , for a certain amount of time , even before avatar I thought I was somewhat "enlightened" , but then again , after all the time that has passed , you just realize you are just a sandcorn in the vast nothingness of time and space , a cog in a machine that won't stop , won't let me breath through , let me feel alive for just a short amount of time .

What have I done , is probably one of the most important questions one can ask him/herself , what have you done , not only to yourself , but also to others .

After such a long time I came back here , the question is why , or maybe there is no question at all ,all I know is that the curse of doubt ,not knowing about the things that I told myself matter the most has never had such a strong grasp like nowadays.

In the end , I admit , I haven't changed , avatar hasn't made me a better person ,I failed miserably like many before me and many others ,failed to take inniciative, maybe avatar is just a short flash , like a dying star somewhere out in the universe , reminding us for a short time that we manage to pay attention , that there is more to discover and experience than we are made to believe .