Heart of Fire - A ProfundHeart FanFic

[ProfoundHeart]

Kaltxi ma tsmukan and tsmuke!

I've recently began authoring an AVATAR FanFic. I've finished the first chapter/prologue, just to see how it does! Give it a read and let me know what you think. I'd be honored. Irayo!

Also there will be cover art and all of that, but seeing as my account is new I have to wait until 24 hours after my sign-up to add such things.

Anyways, here's the link!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11481298/1/Heart-of-Fire


Oel Ngati Kameie,


Always.


PH

[Sight Unseen]

"Slice of life" fanfics are the best! I can't wait for more; now I'm curious what's keeping Jake awake at night. Though it is a bit short, I like how you got through the exposition while holding the reader's attention with a hint of the story's main conflict. Also, I really like the imagery here; you crammed a lot in a really short bit of text and still managed to make it flow somewhat smoothly from one idea to the next.

Keep up the good work.

[Empty Glass]

Definitely keep on going. I'm enjoying all the richly-detailed descriptions and I also want to know what's buzzing in Jake's head.

[ProfoundHeart]

Originally Posted by Sight Unseen

"Slice of life" fanfics are the best! I can't wait for more; now I'm curious what's keeping Jake awake at night. Though it is a bit short, I like how you got through the exposition while holding the reader's attention with a hint of the story's main conflict. Also, I really like the imagery here; you crammed a lot in a really short bit of text and still managed to make it flow somewhat smoothly from one idea to the next.

Keep up the good work.

Wow! Irayo! I always appreciate feedback, but constructive is the best kind. Positive words are just a bonus! So thank you! On top of that, what's funny is the chapter initially was twice as long as it is now. I cut it down mostly because I wanted to make it easily readable, so I could get an idea if it was worth continuing on. I'm a descriptive writer and will continue such a pattern throughout the whole story, so count on that! The ensuing chapters will be longer as well. I should have Chapter 2 out by the end of the week but I'll keep the forum posted!

Irayo Sight Unseen! Stay tuned!

Originally Posted by Empty Glass

Definitely keep on going. I'm enjoying all the richly-detailed descriptions and I also want to know what's buzzing in Jake's head.

Empty Glass! Kaltxi! Been some time, ma 'eylan!

I really appreciate your thoughts, irayo! Like I said above, stay tuned for more. It's coming

[Empty Glass]

Originally Posted by ProfoundHeart

Empty Glass! Kaltxi! Been some time, ma 'eylan!

I really appreciate your thoughts, irayo! Like I said above, stay tuned for more. It's coming

You're welcome! I look forward to more. Been some time indeed, good to see you here again.

[ProfoundHeart]

Originally Posted by Empty Glass

You're welcome! I look forward to more. Been some time indeed, good to see you here again.

Good to see you too, ma tsmukan!

More is on the way!

[Clarke]

I really liked it, especially the emphasis on Jake getting used to living on Pandora.

[ProfoundHeart]

Originally Posted by Clarke

I really liked it, especially the emphasis on Jake getting used to living on Pandora.

Irayo, ma tsmukan!
Oel ngati kameie.

Chapter 2 is nearly finished. I'll post in here again when I've updated the story!

[ProfoundHeart]

Chapter 2 is up!!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11481298/2/Heart-of-Fire

[Clarke]

FWIW, this sentence doesn't work

No longer embroidered by the enchanting glow of bioluminescent colour thriving in the Pandoran twilight, Alpha Centuri's life sustaining star makes the land much more sensible

Alpha Centauri's the name of the star, the planet (the one Pandora is orbiting) is called Polyphemus.

[ProfoundHeart]

Originally Posted by Clarke

FWIW, this sentence doesn't work

Alpha Centauri's the name of the star, the planet (the one Pandora is orbiting) is called Polyphemus.

Ah yes. Thank you!
I've fixed it now. How'd you enjoy it otherwise?

[Empty Glass]

Again, I'm enjoying all the rich details, like the different seating arrangements. I also think you've got the characters' personalities down pretty well; Mo'at in particular seems to be well written-out. Keep it up!

[ProfoundHeart]

Originally Posted by Empty Glass

Again, I'm enjoying all the rich details, like the different seating arrangements. I also think you've got the characters' personalities down pretty well; Mo'at in particular seems to be well written-out. Keep it up!

Irayo, ma tsmukan!
You always offer insightful feedback.

I'm trying to work out the subtleties of each characters' tendencies. In the film we typically always found them responding/reacting to a very stimulating event or conversation. Finding their voices in a more casual setting is proving to be a fun, but challenging test!

[Empty Glass]

Originally Posted by ProfoundHeart

Irayo, ma tsmukan!
You always offer insightful feedback.

I'm trying to work out the subtleties of each characters' tendencies. In the film we typically always found them responding/reacting to a very stimulating event or conversation. Finding their voices in a more casual setting is proving to be a fun, but challenging test!

You're welcome indeed, and I'm glad you think my feedback is insightful. I imagine getting the characters' voices down must be challenging, but I think you're on the right track.

[Clarke]

Originally Posted by ProfoundHeart

Ah yes. Thank you!
I've fixed it now. How'd you enjoy it otherwise?

I thought it was great, apart from a little awkward language.