Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

[LOVEavatar]

As the Na'vi are escaping the falling Hometree... it suddenly change direction and falls on the RDA forces, crushing them!
The Na'vi stares with open mouths!
Neytiri: "Jake... is that what you humans call Irony?"
Jake: "...That is the mother of all Irony!"

[neytirifanboy]

Here's the last one I posted on AF.

Neytiri: Oh, no I've lost my home. Someone blew up the last one.
Quaritch: Yes, we're not in Kansas any more ladies and Gentlemen. We're on Pandora. And I am looking for my heart. Will you help me find it?
Neytiri: Yes, if we find the wizardess of Ewya, she will show you where your heart is.
Norm: I would like some courage. Will Ewya help me?
Neytiri: Of, course. After meeting the Wizardess, you will be doing suicidal cavalry charges against well-trained professional soldiers with high calibre automatic weapons in no time.
Grace: And will she help me get some samples?
Selfride: And will she help me get some unobtanium?
Wainfleet: And will she help me get some? Yeah!
Neytiri: The Wizardess will help us all.
Jake: And I have lost my brain. Will Ewya help me get a brain?
Neytiri: Mmm. In your case , that's asking quite a lot. But I'm sure Eywa will do her best.
Quaritch: Don't worry son. We will find Ewya together and help you get your brain back. Your real brain that is.
Neytiri: why are you here Trudy?
Trudy: No reason really. I'm just along for the ride. Oh, and I fancy Norm because I think he looks really hot.
Neytiri: Ah, now I understand. You need eyes because obviously you can't see. That's why you always wear those sunglasses, isn't it.
Trudy: Yeah, aint that a bitch.
Neytiri: I'm sure the Wizardess will help you. She will help us all. All we need to do is follow the yellow branch road through the forest of Pandora.
Quaritch: Well, then. Let's boogie!
Everyone links arms and start to skip along a a very wide yellow branch.

Everyone (singing): We're off to see the Wizardess, the wonderful Wizardess of Ewya...

[aoitennyo]

Originally Posted by Woodsprite

You are not at Hometree anymore. You are on earth, Aysmukan si aytsmuke. Respect that fact, every second of every swaw. If there is a Kawng tsenge, you might wanna go there for some R&R after a tour on earth.

Out there, beyond that fence, every living thing that walks, flies, or drives on the road wants to sue you and eat your eyes for cheeseburgers. We have an advanced population of humans, called... humans. They're fond of '45s, but mostly shotguns loaded with shells that'll stop your heart in 1 micro-second. And they have bullet-proof vests made with kevlar, some with type IV armor against armor-piercing rounds... Alone, they're very easy to kill.

Still, as chief of the Omaticaya it is my job to keep you alive... I will not succeed.

Not with all of you. If you wish to survive, you've got to pray to Eywa fra trr. But you've got to obey the rules. Urban rules.

Rule #1: Keep your exo-pac with you at all times.



~Jake Sully, in an alternate universe where the Na'vi are the invaders.

LOL! I love this, very clever

[Boomachucka]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Grace: And will she help me get some samples?
Selfride: And will she help me get some unobtanium?
Wainfleet: And will she help me get some? Yeah!

Hahah, that made me smile

[neytirifanboy]

Here's another from AF

*Jake and Quaritch are facing up to each other in the final battle.
Jake: It's over, Quaritch.
Quaritch: It ain't over while I'm still breathin'
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that.
*Jake is surprised to see Quaritch put on his mask, power-down his amp-suit and jump to the ground wielding a dagger.
Quaritch: What's it like to betray your own race, Sully?
*Jake grabs Quaritch's left arm and rips it off at the socket. Quaritch looks calmly at the stump.
Quaritch: Got lost in the woods? That's only a flesh wound. It ain't over while I still have my coffee arm.
*Jake calmy rips off the other arm.
Jake: Come on Quaritch, it's all over. You've no arms.
Quaritch: Shut your pie whole! It ain't over while I'm still standin'. I'll snap your neck with my legs.
*Quaritch starts to jump and dance around Jake like an armless boxer. Jake rips off Quaritch's left leg. Quaritch is hopping about on his one leg.
Jake: Come one Quaritch. You can't win now. You've only got one leg.
Quaritch: This low gravity has made you soft, Scully. It ain't over while I'm still hoppin'. I'm going to kick you to death.
*Jake rips off Quaritch's other leg. Quaritch's torso wrythes about on the ground. Quaritch looks up and screams at Jake.
Quaritch: I'm starting to think you've lost your resolve. I've got you where I want you now, Scully. You're at my mercy now?
*Jake shakes his head and walks away to help Neytiri from under the Thanator. Quaritch tries to wriggle after him screaming and snapping his teeth.
Quaritch. Come back here you traitorous cowardly b@stard! Com'on. I'll bite you to death. I'll eat your eyes for jujubees. It ain't over while I'm still got teeth.

[Woodsprite]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Here's another from AF

*Jake and Quaritch are facing up to each other in the final battle.
Jake: It's over, Quaritch.
Quaritch: It ain't over while I'm still breathin'
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that.
*Jake is surprised to see Quaritch put on his mask, power-down his amp-suit and jump to the ground wielding a dagger.
Quaritch: What's it like to betray your own race, Sully?
*Jake grabs Quaritch's left arm and rips it off at the socket. Quaritch looks calmly at the stump.
Quaritch: Got lost in the woods? That's only a flesh wound. It ain't over while I still have my coffee arm.
*Jake calmy rips off the other arm.
Jake: Come on Quaritch, it's all over. You've no arms.
Quaritch: Shut your pie whole! It ain't over while I'm still standin'. I'll snap your neck with my legs.
*Quaritch starts to jump and dance around Jake like an armless boxer. Jake rips off Quaritch's left leg. Quaritch is hopping about on his one leg.
Jake: Come one Quaritch. You can't win now. You've only got one leg.
Quaritch: This low gravity has made you soft, Scully. It ain't over while I'm still hoppin'. I'm going to kick you to death.
*Jake rips off Quaritch's other leg. Quaritch's torso wrythes about on the ground. Quaritch looks up and screams at Jake.
Quaritch: I've got you where I want you now, Scully. You're at my mercy now?
*Jake shakes his head and walks away to help Neytiri from under the Thanator. Quaritch tries to wriggle after him screaming and snapping his teeth.
Quaritch. Come back here you traitorous cowardly b@stard! Com'on. I'll bite you to death. I'll eat your eyes for jujubees. It ain't over while I'm still got teeth.

That is a monty python if I ever saw one.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by Woodsprite

That is a monty python if I ever saw one.

Indeed.

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Here's another from AF

*Jake and Quaritch are facing up to each other in the final battle.
Jake: It's over, Quaritch.
Quaritch: It ain't over while I'm still breathin'
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that.
*Jake is surprised to see Quaritch put on his mask, power-down his amp-suit and jump to the ground wielding a dagger.
Quaritch: What's it like to betray your own race, Sully?
*Jake grabs Quaritch's left arm and rips it off at the socket. Quaritch looks calmly at the stump.
Quaritch: Got lost in the woods? That's only a flesh wound. It ain't over while I still have my coffee arm.
*Jake calmy rips off the other arm.
Jake: Come on Quaritch, it's all over. You've no arms.
Quaritch: Shut your pie whole! It ain't over while I'm still standin'. I'll snap your neck with my legs.
*Quaritch starts to jump and dance around Jake like an armless boxer. Jake rips off Quaritch's left leg. Quaritch is hopping about on his one leg.
Jake: Come one Quaritch. You can't win now. You've only got one leg.
Quaritch: This low gravity has made you soft, Scully. It ain't over while I'm still hoppin'. I'm going to kick you to death.
*Jake rips off Quaritch's other leg. Quaritch's torso wrythes about on the ground. Quaritch looks up and screams at Jake.
Quaritch: I've got you where I want you now, Scully. You're at my mercy now?
*Jake shakes his head and walks away to help Neytiri from under the Thanator. Quaritch tries to wriggle after him screaming and snapping his teeth.
Quaritch. Come back here you traitorous cowardly b@stard! Com'on. I'll bite you to death. I'll eat your eyes for jujubees. It ain't over while I'm still got teeth.

Monty Python FTW!!

[Pa'li Makto]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Here's another from AF

*Jake and Quaritch are facing up to each other in the final battle.
Jake: It's over, Quaritch.
Quaritch: It ain't over while I'm still breathin'
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that.
*Jake is surprised to see Quaritch put on his mask, power-down his amp-suit and jump to the ground wielding a dagger.
Quaritch: What's it like to betray your own race, Sully?
*Jake grabs Quaritch's left arm and rips it off at the socket. Quaritch looks calmly at the stump.
Quaritch: Got lost in the woods? That's only a flesh wound. It ain't over while I still have my coffee arm.
*Jake calmy rips off the other arm.
Jake: Come on Quaritch, it's all over. You've no arms.
Quaritch: Shut your pie whole! It ain't over while I'm still standin'. I'll snap your neck with my legs.
*Quaritch starts to jump and dance around Jake like an armless boxer. Jake rips off Quaritch's left leg. Quaritch is hopping about on his one leg.
Jake: Come one Quaritch. You can't win now. You've only got one leg.
Quaritch: This low gravity has made you soft, Scully. It ain't over while I'm still hoppin'. I'm going to kick you to death.
*Jake rips off Quaritch's other leg. Quaritch's torso wrythes about on the ground. Quaritch looks up and screams at Jake.
Quaritch: I've got you where I want you now, Scully. You're at my mercy now?
*Jake shakes his head and walks away to help Neytiri from under the Thanator. Quaritch tries to wriggle after him screaming and snapping his teeth.
Quaritch. Come back here you traitorous cowardly b@stard! Com'on. I'll bite you to death. I'll eat your eyes for jujubees. It ain't over while I'm still got teeth.

*Gasps for air from laughing so much*
Wow Lol, that deprived me of oxygen I laughed so much

[Fridge Magnet]

lol all these posts are just hilarious great work, I'm laughing my ass off now

[neytirifanboy]

The operation agains the tree off souls has gone almost perfectly. The RDA have driven off both the Na'vi air attacks and all the Dragon has to do is drop it's deadly cargo on the tree of souls. Quaritch gives the order as he stirs his coffee with a tooth pick. For some reason all the tea spoons had disappeared. He would deal with that later, but for now he was going to saviour the taste of ultimate victory.
Quaritch gives the order and the deadly cargo falls from the Dragon towards the tree of the souls. Quaritch waits for the explosion.
And waits... and waits...and waits....and waits....
And nothing happens.
Quaritch gets on the radio.
Quaritch: Wainfleet. You did load up the Dragon with Daisy cutters?
Wainfleet: Yes sir, we rounded up all the science staff and requisitioned all the equipment, utensils and personal items we could find that would be suitable for cutting and digging up daisies.
Quaritch slaps face with hand.
Quarith: Do you mean to tell me, Wainfleet, that we have just dropped whole pile of lawn mowers and garden sheres on the enemy.
Wainfleet: It wasn't just gardening implements and utensils, sir. We also requisitioned all items that could cut daisies, including nail clippers, scissors and kitchen cuttlery.
Quaritch shakes his head with dismay. That explains the lack of teaspoons.
Quaritch: So, Wainfleet. We have just dumped all our garden equipment, kitchen cuttlery and personal grooming utensils on the enemy? Is that afirmative?
Wainfleet: Among other thing. Yes, sir, it is affirmative.
Quaritch: Wainfleet, did you not realise I meant explosives when I spoke about daisy cutters?
Wainfleet: Er, no sir.
Quaritch: And did you not consider asking me for clarification when you were rounding up all the tea spoons?
Wainfleet: With respect, sir. When you order me to jump, I don't ask how high.
Quaritch slaps his face with his hand again.
Quaritch: And do you know what happened to all the explosives?
Wainfleet: Sorry, sir. I have no idea.
Suddenly there is a huge explosion from the direction of Hell's Gate. In the distance, a giant mushroom cloud rises into the sky in the area where Hell's Gate is situated.
Pilot: Er, sir. We have just lost all communication with Hell's Gate.
Quaritch takes a sip of his coffee and savours the flavour of the fine grains. It would likely be his last cup for a long long time.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Quaritch takes a sip of his coffee and savours the flavour of the fine grains. It would likely be his last cup for a long long time.

Epic.

[Fighter-of-Wars]

Wow, great stuff here, best laugh I have had in a long time. Keep it up.

[neytirifanboy]

After Jake is transferred permanently to his Na'vi body.

Jake: So, I am the first to pass through the Eye of Eywa?
Mo'At: Of course not. Did you not recognise the skypeople celebrities over there.
Na'vi Marilyn: Happy birthday Mr President...
Na'vi James Cameron: I'm King of the World.
Na'vi Elvis: No. I'm the King. Uh-huh, I'm all shook up.
Na'vi Freddy: I'm the killer......Queeeeen!
Navi MJ: I'm bad. Wooo-hooo.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

After Jake is transferred permanently to his Na'vi body.

Jake: So, I am the first to pass through the Eye of Eywa?
Mo'At: Of course not. Did you not recognise JFK, Marilyn Munro, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Freddy Mercury and James Cameron over there.
Na'vi Marilyn: Happy birthday Mr President...
Na'vi James Cameron: I'm King of the World.
Na'vi Elvis: No. I'm the King. Uh-huh, I'm all shook up.
Na'vi Freddy: I'm the killer......Queeeeen!
Navi MJ: I'm bad. Wooo-hooo.

So that's how celebrities get away from the paparazzi...