Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

[neytirifanboy]

Jake is confronted by the Titanothere.
Grace: Don't shoot! You'll just piss him off.
Jake fires a burst at the Titanthere from his M60 and it falls down dead.
Jake: Hey. Must have been lucky shot.
Another Titanothere charges towards Jake. Jake fires again and the 2nd Titanthere also falls down dead.
Jake: Hey, I think I've found their weak spot.
A Thanator springs into the clearing at Jake. But Jake spins round and fires a burst from his M60. The Thanataor falls dead an inch from his feet.
Jake: Yeah, whose the daddy now.
A pack of ten viperwolves charge into the clearing. Jake fires two bursts and all ten viperwolves fall dead.
Jake: Oh, come on. This is too easy. Is that all you've got?
A Sturmbeast charges headlong into the clearing towards Jake. Jake fires a burst from his M60 and the Sturmbeast immediately falls dead.
Jake: Yeah, get some. That's what I'm talking about. Is there anyone else out there?
Jake fires three bursts into the trees around him. Six Na'vi warriors fall out of the trees and bushes where they were hiding and hit the ground dead.
Jake" Hell yeah, I can't miss today.
Jake points the gun in the air.
Grace: Don't shoot in the air. It's very dangerous.
Jake: Well. I am fed up of doctors telling me what I can't do.
Grace: No, Jake...
Jake fires a single shot into the air.
Jake: Yeah, I'm King of Pandora!!!
A dead Toruk comes crashing down through the canopy of the forest and lands on Jake, squashing him flat.
Grace: I told you it was dangerous.

[Rabbit]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Jake is confronted by the Titanothere.
Grace: Don't shoot! You'll just piss him off.
Jake fires a burst at the Titanthere from his M60 and it falls down dead.
Jake: Hey. Must have been lucky shot.
Another Titanothere charges towards Jake. Jake fires again and the 2nd Titanthere also falls down dead.
Jake: Hey, I think I've found their weak spot.
A Thanator springs into the clearing at Jake. But Jake spins round and fires a burst from his M60. The Thanataor falls dead an inch from his feet.
Jake: Yeah, whose the daddy now.
A pack of ten viperwolves charge into the clearing. Jake fires two bursts and all ten viperwolves fall dead.
Jake: Oh, come on. This is too easy. Is that all you've got?
A Sturmbeast charges headlong into the clearing towards Jake. Jake fires a burst from his M60 and the Sturmbeast immediately falls dead.
Jake: Yeah, get some. That's what I'm talking about. Is there anyone else out there?
Jake fires three bursts into the trees around him. Six Na'vi warriors fall out of the trees and bushes where they were hiding and hit the ground dead.
Jake" Hell yeah, I can't miss today.
Jake points the gun in the air.
Grace: Don't shoot in the air. It's very dangerous.
Jake: Well. I am fed up of doctors telling me what I can't do.
Grace: No, Jake...
Jake fires a single shot into the air.
Jake: Yeah, I'm King of Pandora!!!
A dead Toruk comes crashing down through the canopy of the forest and lands on Jake, squashing him flat.
Grace: I told you it was dangerous.

Haha thats absolute GOLD!

[neytirifanboy]

Jake ran as fast as he could. He would have to run fast if he was going to catch that Thanator.

The Thanator suddenly stopped, hesitating at the top of the cliff overlooking the river as Jake knew it would.

Jake continued sprinting towards the ferocious beast. Jake knew he could kill the beast from afar with a single arrow. But he was determined to kill it with his bare hands.

The Thanator turned to face the on rushing Jake, fear shining in its eyes. As Jake reached within a few yards of the great predator, he leapt forward and grabbed the Thanator causing both to fall over the cliff into the river.

For a few seconds Jake wrestled with the Thanator in the water, both struggling against the strong current of the fast flowing water. But eventually Jake won the day, grabbing the Thanator in his strong arms and breaking its neck.

As Jake pulled the carcass of the great beast onto the opposite shore he heard a female scream from the forest.

“Help me! Help me!”

Jake rushed into the forest to find a helpless Na’vi Princess cowering on the forest floor, scrambling back from a pack of vicious viperwolves. It was clear she was helpless and at the mercy of these ravenous beasts.

Jake watched a moment as he admired the figure of the beautiful female Na’vi female as she lay helpless on the ground. Her soft silk white robe was torn at the shoulder revealing her heaving buxom breasts, while a rip up the side of her leg revealed the top of her smooth shapely thighs. Jake was relieved to see, that despite having damaged her clothing, the cruel beasts had not yet physically injured the Princess.

Jake leapt into action, springing from a high branch and skewering three viperwolves with one well aimed arrow. The viperwolves were startled by his presence, but before they could react another deadly accurate arrow felled another four of their brethren.

Jake leapt into the midst of the ruthless dog like creatures, grabbing them with his bare hands and flinging them against the trees like rag dolls. The others quickly realised that their cause was useless against such a whirlwind of destruction and fled into the forest.

Jake stood before the beautiful Princess, his finely sculptured God like body glistening in the dull light of Polyphemus.

Jake helped the Princess up and she fell into his arms weeping with relief.

“Don’t worry, ma’am. You are safe now.” Said Jake gathering her in his strong arms against the rippling muscles of his manly torso.

“Oh, thank you for saving me.” Wept Neytiri, tears glistening on her exotically beautiful Na’vi features. She felt helpless again as she melted into Jake’s manly protective embrace. But this time she was helpless with love and joy, rather than fear.

"That's nothing." Replied Jake. "You should see what I can do in my Na'vi body."

[Woodsprite]

...Now that ^ is perfect.



Grace: Jake, I'm with her. She's real.

Jake: Grace! Grace! What's happening?

Grace: I'm... it doesn't hurt anymore.

Mo'at: She's passed through the eye of Eyw--

Jake: *shoves Mo'at; injects Grace's avatar; glares threateningly at Mo'at*

Mo'at: *eyes Jake fearfully* Erm... her wounds were too great. There was not enough time...


....Jake: The skypeople have sent us a message...

[neytirifanboy]

The final battle in the air is in full swing. Ikran riding Na'vi warriors are swarming the Dragon and Scorpions causing many casulaties with well aimed arrows, while the RDA marines try desperately to shoot them down.
Quaritch picks up the radio.
"Wainfleet. Report!" Barks Quaritch into the transmittor.
There is a lot of interference, but he can make Wainfleet out.
"We're hammering them, sir." Replies Wainfleet confidently.
"That's Excellent. But I don't hear much gunfire." Says Quaritch, as he watches in disamy as another scorpion veers into a floating mountain exploding in a ball of fire.
"Er....it must be the interference, sir. We've got them where we want them and we have captured a substantial amount of unobtanium." Crackles Wainfleet in reply. "And we are just about to capture some more."
"That's good initiative, son. I wish I had ten others like you." Replies Quaritch, ducking instintively as another out-of control Scorpion almost carashes into the Dragon. "Do you need assistance?"
"No, sir." Replied Wainfleet. "Everything is under control"
"Good work, Wainfleet. Over and out." Said Quaritch signing off.
Wainfleet turned his attention towards his Na'vi ennemy before him and got ready to pull the trigger....
The metaphoric trigger that is.
Wainfleet smiled as he throws the five cards on the ground, showing three queens and two kings.
"Yeah, get some! A full house." Roared Wainfleet, to the cheers of his men who are watching the poker game.
The Na'vi warriors sitting before him shake their heads to the groans of their Na'vi comrades watching the game.
"You play with the bull, you get the horns." Says Waintfleet raking in the big pile of unobtanium in the middle. "Yeah. I'm going to win so much, it will blast a whole in their racial memory so wide, that they will never forget the Llye-maester, the poker-king of Pandora, the Poker-Makto."

[neytirifanboy]

Jake: Hey, here's a joke. Why do Na'vi not have a sense of humour?
Neytiri: That's not funny! I don't want to see you again. You will never be one of the people.

[neytirifanboy]

Quaritch: That was good initiative, son. I wish I had 10 others just like you.
Jake: Funny, you should say that Colonel. I would like to introduce you to my ten identical brothers.
Quaritch is shocked as ten men looking exactly like Jake walk into the room.
Jake: Tom and I weren't just twins. We were born as a group of duodecaplets, 12 identical bothers born at the same time. It's amazing what IVF can do in the modern age.

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri wakes at the Tree of Voices to find Jake's Avatar still unconscious.

She pushes him on his back and tries to wake him gently, but realises that human Jake is not driving the Avatar. She sighs and sits back, before noticing that a certain one of Jake's apendicies is pointing directly skyward like an enormous sun dial.

"Oh, well. Waste not, want not." Says Neytiri to herself with a cheeky smile.

[Woodsprite]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Neytiri wakes at the Tree of Voices to find Jake's Avatar still unconscious.

She pushes him on his back and tries to wake him gently, but realises that human Jake is not driving the Avatar. She sighs and sits back, before noticing that a certain one of Jake's apendicies is pointing directly skyward like an enormous sun dial.

"Oh, well. Waste not, want not." Says Neytiri to herself with a cheeky smile.

You are one dirty little boy.

I love you.

For posting that, I mean.

[neytirifanboy]

Jake is on Iknayama to choose his Ikran.

Jake: How will I know if he chooses me?
Neytiri: He will try to have sex with you.
Jake: So what happens if he buggers me before I bugger him?
Neytiri: Then you will have to carry him about on piggy-back whenever he calls you.
Jake: Outstanding!

[Sight Unseen]

*Becoming One of the People playing, Jake and Neytiri running and jumping through the jungle canopy.*

*Music abruptly stops, Neytiri turns to Jake*

Neytiri: Dammit!
Jake: What?!
Neytiri: You got an iPod charger?

[neytirifanboy]

Jake has just arrived in the Na'vi camp for the first time.
Mo'at: You can't fill a cup that is half full.
Jake: Is that right? I'm sure you can.
Jake takes out two cups. One is full of water, while the other is half full. Jake pours one into the other and it over flows.
Jake: Mmmm. There must be some way to do this.
Jake fills the cups again to try again. Mo'at slaps own forehead with hand.
A few weeks later, Jake is sitting with Quaritch at Hells Gate.
Quaritch: I haven't received a report from you for some time. Got lost in the woods?
Jake: No, it's just I've been really occupied with a problem. By the way Colonel, perhpas you could help me with it. Do you know how you can fill a glass that is half full.
Jake takes a cup of water and pours it into another glass that is half full. It overflows.
Jake: I just can't get it.
Quaritch slaps own face with hand.

[Grif]

Neytiri after capturing and binding Quaritch.

Neytiri pulls a chair up to Quaritch and sits down.
Neytiri: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during your time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, I realized your not actually mammals. Every animal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surround environment, but you sky people do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. And the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism that follows the same pattern, do you know what it is? A virus. The sky people are a disease, a cancer of this universe, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

[Grif]

Quartich: Um... people of Pandora this is Colonel Miles Quartich of the RDA planning counsel. As you are probably aware plans for the development of the outlying regions of the galaxy involve the mining of unobtainium in your star system, and your planet is one of those scheduled for mining.
Na'vi: *Screams*
Quartich: There's no point acting all surprised about it, plans and mining orders have been on display at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Pandoran years. If you can't be bothered to take an intrest in local affairs that's your own fault. Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all.

There's some Hitchhiker's for you.

[Woodsprite]

Originally Posted by Grif

Neytiri after capturing and binding Quaritch.

Neytiri pulls a chair up to Quaritch and sits down.
Neytiri: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during your time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, I realized your not actually mammals. Every animal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surround environment, but you sky people do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. And the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism that follows the same pattern, do you know what it is? A virus. The sky people are a disease, a cancer of this universe, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

Smith win!!!