Searching for lifemate? Or already have them?

[rapunzel77]

Originally Posted by Human No More

I feel like you about wanting to find a lifemate, to find my Neytiri, but I'm not sure exactly... It makes me very lonely how I can't seem to find anyone, and I know I've got so long to do it, I just don't want to wait really. I also wonder if the person I want really exists or not, because so many people just aren't right for one reason or another

This describes how I was a couple of years ago. I almost gave up and it hurt so much to be lonely . It also didn't help that I have very little self-confidence and a low opinion of myself. Finding a good mate is getting more and more difficult since so many people have succumbed to shallowness. Many people are seeking new ways to meet people. The internet is becoming more influential in the dating scene. I know it brings with it a lot of challenges for good and ill but its a possibility. My sister and I found our husbands on the internet. I would also advise not to think about it all the time. Also, be a bit picky, especially in the personality and character department. If you want a lifemate (spouse, etc) then you want someone you will want to be with for the rest of your life. In that case, be careful. You don't want to end up with someone you will regret being with. I'm sure that all of us here can list several examples of couples that got together/married, etc for the wrong reasons and led to disastrous results.

Above all, be patient . I know that it can be difficult but the rewards are worth it. Good luck HNM .

[Leonopteryx]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I posted about this somewhere else on ToS a while ago, but I'll repeat it here. I am 35 years old, and have found no one. And I am content with that, as content as is possible to be. Many years ago, I went through a very dark period where I was just depressed out of my mind over not being able to find anyone meaningful. The way I recovered from that was to put myself at peace with the fact that it *might* not ever happen.

I no longer actively look. I believe at this point that if I am meant to have someone, it will happen in some way I am not expecting or looking for. I would love nothing more than to have it happen, but it is much easier to go through life at peace with being alone. I spend months every year out in nature, in a lot of very remote and beautiful places. Sharing them with someone would be great, but there is something to be said for solitude as well.

indeed. i had the same experience as you, at this point i am at the same conclusion as you.

interestingly enough for me, i may have found somebody, but who knows if that will ever work out, considering time and distance.

[tallbluewanderer]

(I wish I had enough time right now to write a proper response to all the posts in this thread!)

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Ohh Human No More, I know how you feel. I get pretty lonely, and rather hopeless a lot of the time thinking "I'm looking forward to meeting this amazing person but... is it actually ever going to happen...?" I guess you just have to trust that it will one day, but at the same time not think about it too much.. if that makes any sense at all. If you trust in it enough, for sure it will happen, but of course if you go out looking for it it's Murphy's Law that it won't happen while you're being active about it so to speak.

Indeed. I just don't think about it ... it'd be nice if something spontaneously happened, but given that I'm a full-time university student and everyone I know is just as busy trying to pass classes as myself, I'm not expecting anything to.

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

@tallbluewanderer that's the neat thing about these forums; so many like-minded people with certain things I love it.

Definitely -- that's why I love this place!

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

@Fighter-of-wars I know what you mean. I like what you said. And it's not a longshot at all. My mum's constantly telling me not to be 'stupid' and 'picky' because I'm "never going to find a person with those qualities" (well actually she's wrong - I've met a lot on these forums - TAKE THAT Mum!!). But let's say she's right and I never meet irl someone like this - well, I still wouldn't want to settle for anything less than what I really think I need and want. That would just lead to a vastly unhappy life. A life of constantly thinking "This just doesn't feel how it should". No. That's not me.

Again with the mind-reading!

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Hmm. I still think it'd rock if we had a little community irl. Full of people who understand. Tehe that's a fun thought.

Agreed. We should get together and buy a small island (preferably one with an IMAX theatre) and start one!

Originally Posted by Leonopteryx

interestingly enough for me, i may have found somebody, but who knows if that will ever work out, considering time and distance.

Aww... *hugs*

[Stanley_9875]

I'm 19, single, and never had a girlfriend... Oh a dream.

[Fighter-of-Wars]

Originally Posted by Stanley_9875

I'm 19, single, and never had a girlfriend... Oh a dream.

Same except I'm 18.

[zongtseng]

It may not seem like it now, but 19 is extremely early in life I've never found someone I got close enough to to consider a girlfriend, and I'm 35 (don't let that depress you btw, it may sound sad) Anyway, I posted how I am OK with that earlier in the thread.

[Fkeu'itan]

Yup, 19 and never had a relationship.

This used to make me feel really depressed but then I thought about it and, to be honest, it doesn't matter if I have or not. Often people say to me "You're 19 now, shouldn't you have a girlfriend?" and I think that is a little rediculous. Just because you're a certain age, doesn't mean you should have anything. I would love to have a relationship, but not one that is meaningless.

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

I believe I can speak on behalf of everyone in this thread when I say "you've summed it up perfectly." There really isn't anything more to say.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by MGCJerry

Same here.

For one, I just cant stand the immaturity of most people even of those my age. If I want that middle-school BS drama I would stay in middle-school.

Myself, 28 and still single. If such a lifemate ever happens to find me, then fine. If not, fine.

Yeah tell me about it. The immaturity thing. I swear most people my age that I know have not changed a bit in high school. Sometimes I feel so weird, like I'm the only one with my eyes open. Most people are just so concerned with themselves... I feel like I'm ten feet tall and blue :p; like I couldn't stand out any more just for the way I think.

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

Yup, 19 and never had a relationship.

This used to make me feel really depressed but then I thought about it and, to be honest, it doesn't matter if I have or not. Often people say to me "You're 19 now, shouldn't you have a girlfriend?" and I think that is a little rediculous. Just because you're a certain age, doesn't mean you should have anything. I would love to have a relationship, but not one that is meaningless.

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

I think waiting is such a good idea. Eck really, what is a throw-away relationship worth? To me, nothing. It works for some people though, which is fine, it just doesn't work for me. Well, it wouldn't work for me, I should say. And yes, someone who Sees That would be kicka*s, hehehe. And NO it's not asking too much. I think I said previously - if you think you're asking for too much, then you're just going to end up settling for something less than what's really in your heart. And what's the point in that? It would only be more harm that it's worth, surely?

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

It may not seem like it now, but 19 is extremely early in life I've never found someone I got close enough to to consider a girlfriend, and I'm 35 (don't let that depress you btw, it may sound sad) Anyway, I posted how I am OK with that earlier in the thread.

I'm happy for you you've come to terms with it, but I haven't, and I just don't see how I could. Maybe one day I will, but not yet

[Pa'li Makto]

HNM I feel like reaching out to you: I really want to help you but feel that I might not have much luck..
Just keep your eyes open to new things: you never know when you might be surprised.
All I can suggest on top of that is try to maintain yourself as best you can and don't make yourself feel worse if you can avoid it. It can be the worst experience to see someone degenerate from a happy bubbly person to..well..a shell.
Don't make a hole that you can't get out of..Just think of what could be instead of what can never be.

[omaticaya]

Hey, that's nice, another relationship thread and I doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire
Since relationships and the idea of love and mating for life are among the most interesting things to talk about, it's good to have a new thread about it.

I'm 29 and single since January (after a three-year-relatinship). For the moment I like being for myself but nevertheless I constantly think of finding my lifemate one day.

I think it's very difficult to meet someone who SEES like you do IRL, but since I have met so many nice people on AF and here, I know that there may be more people like that then I used to believe. The problem is the great distance between all of us. The planet is just to big
A meetup IRL, like Shire dreamed of would be aweesome, I dream of that too.

Another thought that I posted this earlier in another thread was that relationships, even if they don't turn out well, are always a very important experience for yourself. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about having a relationship. I think one should not think that with the right person a relationship will run perfectly without any effort. A relationship is always made up of compromises, even with the lifemate or soulmate. So, it's good to be prepared when one day you meet this person.

Sorry, if that sounds a bit pessimist, but that's what I, sometimes painfully, had to learn the last years. I once met somebody and I was convinced that she was my soulmate, but that's another story ...

[omaticaya]

BTW, it would be interesting to know if there has been any relationships of ppl who met on AF or ToS. What do you think?

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by omaticaya

Hey, that's nice, another relationship thread and I doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire
Since relationships and the idea of love and mating for life are among the most interesting things to talk about, it's good to have a new thread about it.

I'm 29 and single since January (after a three-year-relatinship). For the moment I like being for myself but nevertheless I constantly think of finding my lifemate one day.

I think it's very difficult to meet someone who SEES like you do IRL, but since I have met so many nice people on AF and here, I know that there may be more people like that then I used to believe. The problem is the great distance between all of us. The planet is just to big
A meetup IRL, like Shire dreamed of would be aweesome, I dream of that too.

Another thought that I posted this earlier in another thread was that relationships, even if they don't turn out well, are always a very important experience for yourself. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about having a relationship. I think one should not think that with the right person a relationship will run perfectly without any effort. A relationship is always made up of compromises, even with the lifemate or soulmate. So, it's good to be prepared when one day you meet this person.

Sorry, if that sounds a bit pessimist, but that's what I, sometimes painfully, had to learn the last years. I once met somebody and I was convinced that she was my soulmate, but that's another story ...

Tehe 'doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire' - I'm that predictable?
Ugh I so agree. The world *is* too big. I also thought I'd met someone who I would stay with forever - not quite my soulmate, but just thought that's who I'd end up with. Was wrong, though, and now I'm discovering that getting out was really was the right move. I'm not sad any more. Avatar helped me realise there are other more similar-minded people out there.
And yes, there are always going to be struggles and things to work through. But with the right person... it will be achievable, and it will still be good. That's my belief, anyway.

And yes, whether a relationship works or not, it teaches you something. As does being alone. But relationships have certainly taught me a lot. Mainly how I *don't* want my life to be, lol.

Originally Posted by omaticaya

BTW, it would be interesting to know if there has been any relationships of ppl who met on AF or ToS. What do you think?

That would be interesting. I could see it happening. Quite frankly I'd rather spend my time with people on here so yeah ^^ Sigh, as you said, the world is much too big

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by Pa'li Makto

HNM I feel like reaching out to you: I really want to help you but feel that I might not have much luck..
Just keep your eyes open to new things: you never know when you might be surprised.
All I can suggest on top of that is try to maintain yourself as best you can and don't make yourself feel worse if you can avoid it. It can be the worst experience to see someone degenerate from a happy bubbly person to..well..a shell.
Don't make a hole that you can't get out of..Just think of what could be instead of what can never be.

Thank you...

I hope I won't, but I don't know... Some days, I feel like this loneliness is just slowly draining me
I try to keep myself happy, distracted, but the only thing that gives me anything any more is Avatar...
Nobody evolved to be alone, we need other people...