Searching for lifemate? Or already have them?

[txen]

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Tehe 'doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire' - I'm that predictable?

Yes you are. You predictably started a thead that goes straight to the heart. It's a kind of predictability that I like. Keep being predictable in this fashion.

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

I was just wondering what other people's situations are here at the moment ^^ Are you... a content individual? Happily - whatever? Or... waiting? Something like that?

Three weeks away from my eighth anniversary. Unless something unusual happens I'm pretty sure I fall into the mated for life category. My road to this place had a lot of unforeseen turns and more than a few speed bumps.

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I posted about this somewhere else on ToS a while ago, but I'll repeat it here. I am 35 years old, and have found no one. And I am content with that, as content as is possible to be. Many years ago, I went through a very dark period where I was just depressed out of my mind over not being able to find anyone meaningful. The way I recovered from that was to put myself at peace with the fact that it *might* not ever happen.

I no longer actively look. I believe at this point that if I am meant to have someone, it will happen in some way I am not expecting or looking for. I would love nothing more than to have it happen, but it is much easier to go through life at peace with being alone. I spend months every year out in nature, in a lot of very remote and beautiful places. Sharing them with someone would be great, but there is something to be said for solitude as well.

I went through those dark times as well before I got married when I was 39. Spending months per year away like you like to do will kind of require a lifemate who will travel with you. Can't really leave them at home for that long. I spend at least a month away in remote places, but as I'm in California they are not all that far from home. It also helps that I tend to do it in chunks under 4 or so days at a time. In fact she has little desire to come along on most of my adventures as my idea of camping amenities is a shovel and a roll of toilet paper.

I humbly suggest that you look a bit harder. In my experience once a bachelor hits 40 it's pretty much game over. It's worth it. Really.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by Human No More

...if only I was so close to them... but really, I am not...
All the people I am closest to are here, the people I trust the most, who I can tell everything.

I do know how you feel. I have maybe one good friend, but even she can be cruel sometimes when she's having her own bad day (which is fair enough I guess, but I know that even if I'm having a bad day and a friend needs me, I put my feelings aside for a while - or we talk about our own stuff equally).
At least we have the forums. That' all I can say. What a lonely, lonely way I'd be in right now if this place didn't exist..

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by tallbluewanderer

Same here. I don't know how many people on ToS have met in real life, but the connections between people here are incredible for an online forum -- I don't know how well we'd all get along in real life (for example, I'm really shy), but I can't help but imagine that real-life meetings would be fantastic.

Hahaha yeah I know myself and a few others have thought about this, too - if it would be weird meeting IRL or not. I'm also really really shy. But, I'd be willing to risk it I'd be happy just to sit in the presence of people here. If it came to completely awkward silences, of course.

[zongtseng]

Originally Posted by txen

I went through those dark times as well before I got married when I was 39. Spending months per year away like you like to do will kind of require a lifemate who will travel with you. Can't really leave them at home for that long. I spend at least a month away in remote places, but as I'm in California they are not all that far from home. It also helps that I tend to do it in chunks under 4 or so days at a time. In fact she has little desire to come along on most of my adventures as my idea of camping amenities is a shovel and a roll of toilet paper.

I humbly suggest that you look a bit harder. In my experience once a bachelor hits 40 it's pretty much game over. It's worth it. Really.

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

I so agree...

*Waits*

[Spock]

I feel conflicted as I once was as a child.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by Spock

I feel conflicted as I once was as a child.

Spockspock why?

[Rabbit]

Originally Posted by Spock

I feel conflicted as I once was as a child.

Yes please explain Spock

[Pa'li Makto]

I thought I was the only one that was confused by Spock's post..

[Spock]

Autumn will understand, I need time to ponder the thought with myself also.

[Autumnshire]

The world's too big ^. I.... want the biggest Na'vi gathering ever. And forget all the lame people who surround me. Good times.

Luvs you all..

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

I hope that will happen for me, but I don't believe it.
I don't even know if the one for me, if she exists, is even here on Earth. She's more likely to be on Pandora, I think

[Fkeu'itan]

Originally Posted by Toshowlove

These threads get me warm and squishy feeling! *gets ready to dig in!*



I hear you! Though i am 20 and in a relationship, i don't believe that the number of years you've live consitutes your relationship status. Shinanigans!

I respect that you want to find a real love, but i can help but question the insinuation that at 19 you can't find it. I've been in my relationship for over a year and i refuse to believe it is "throw away" regardless of me turning 21 this year. Sure its young i guess, but there is school and life to get through and in my opinion, if you can get through that stuff together, you can get through anything.

I find that many people my age in relationships are quick to dismiss them, not eager to put in work for fear of 'giving their heart away' or merely understating the relationship. Perhaps its just me, but EVERYTHING i do in my life i give 100% and i think its silly not to, especially when it comes to relationships.

Needless to say, i'm not a follower of the "throw-away relationships", but it frightens me that this mental is so wide-spread. Age shouldn't denote the quality of your relationship... if it works it works, if not then it doesn't. Why waste time unnecessarily?

You speak so well what is on my mind...

Just because you're young, doesn't mean to say you can't have a strong relationship with real meaning behind it.

This 'disposable' mentality seems to be spreading like a plague. Some - nay - many people I know seem to think teenage years are pretty much an excuse to snort as much drugs as you can and then go out and get completely off-your-face drunk, end up in bed with some girl you met 5 minutes ago in a club, ditch her the next morning... rinse and repeat.

It really sickens me.

Don't get me wrong, i'm partial to alcohol consumption myself and I do go on nights out now and again, but I aim to have a good time, a bit of a dance and to be with my friends. Not to get someone else drunk and sleep with them...

[txen]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

I'm not so much talking about an active search as I am looking a bit closer at those you are already around. Think of it as learning to see. I would wager that you have already been in the presence of the "one" but you just didn't know it. Of course that leads to another logical issue as the term "one" wouldn't be correct as I'll also wager that there is more than one "one" out there. All I can say is this style of strategy worked for me. I'm married to a woman that I knew for five years before we became involved. It just took a bit of courage and things have sure changed for the better.

[zongtseng]

Originally Posted by txen

I'm not so much talking about an active search as I am looking a bit closer at those you are already around. Think of it as learning to see. I would wager that you have already been in the presence of the "one" but you just didn't know it. Of course that leads to another logical issue as the term "one" wouldn't be correct as I'll also wager that there is more than one "one" out there. All I can say is this style of strategy worked for me. I'm married to a woman that I knew for five years before we became involved. It just took a bit of courage and things have sure changed for the better.

I don't know. I do think there is more than one that may work out, but I really do think everyone has only one true, exact match. That may be a little idealistic, but I would like to think so. I am sure I have not met that woman yet. I think two matched people will be drawn together by something, regardless of complicating factors, at least once. Whether you allow those conditions to occur is something else though.

Wow, this is a lot of spiritual, idealistic rambling. I don't usually see things this way, but this is one issue where I really hold out hope it works this way. I have seen too many perfect matches made under the weirdest circumstances to not think something is at play there.