Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

[neytirifanboy]

The RDA bulldozer is moving through the forest.

RDA Employee: We can't move any further forward, sir. There is a group of natives doing the funky chicken in front of the dozer.
Selfridge: Don't be ridiculous. Have you gone completely mad. That's not the funky chicken. It looks much more like the Tweet-Tweet song.
RDA Employee: With respect, sir, I think you are mistaken. If anything it is "The Macarena". Look they are throwing their hands in the air.
*Employee 1 throws hands in the air to demonstarte.
Employee: (Singing) Hey, Macarena.
Selfridge: I'm not so sure. It could be the Ketchup-up song. Look...
*Selfridge starts swinging his hips and crossing his hands quickly in front of him.
Selfridge: (Singing) Asejere de je de jebe tu de jebere...
The employee joins in and they dance together.
Selfrige and employee (Singing): majavi an de bugui an de buididipi...
*Selfridge stops dancing.
Selfridge: Nah, it;s nothing like the Ketchup song.
RDA Employee: Yeah. Stupid song anyway. Doesn't make any sense.
Selfride: It could be the Time warp. Look. It's just a jump to the left....
*Selfride jumps to the left and moves his foot to the right a few times.
Selfridge (singing): And take a step to the righ..igh....igh...ight.
*All employees join in the dance:
All employees (singing and dancing): Put your hands on your hips. And pull your knees in tiight. Its the pelvic thrust, and it'll drive you insaaaaaane....
Seldridge: No, it's not that The moves are different.
All employees (still singing and dancing): Let's do the time warp again.
Selfride: Ok, that's enough, people. It's not the time-warp. But wait a minute. Is that music I hear. Turn the sound up.
RDA employee:Yes, sir. I think it's country music.
Selfride: Is that line-dancing they are doing then?
DRA employee: Yes, I think you're right sir. They appear to be line-dancing to Achy-Breaky Heart.
Selfride: Oh, my God. That's horrible. Tell all units to open fire. We have to put the poor b@stards out of their misery.

[Grif]

Jake opens his eyes just after the soul transfer.

Norm: Hey Jake, your corporate approval for your spinal surgery was never canceled. You still want it?

Jake: ...

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri: We have many fine woman. Ninat is the best singer.
Jake: I don't want Ninat.
Neytiri: Beyral is a good hunter.
Jake. Yes, she is a good hunter. But I don't want Beyral.
Neytiri: Rana is a good weaver.
Jake: Yes, Rana is a good weaver, but I don't want Rana.

Thirty minutes later.

Neytiri: ....Tinara is a good bowmaker.
Jake: Yes, Tirana is a good Bowmaker. But i don't want Tirana.
Neytiri: Piri is a good gatherer.
Jake: Yes, she is a good gatherer. But I don't want Piri.
Neytiri: Oh, for Ewya's sake, Jake. I've gone though all 72 fine women.
Jake: I don't want any of them. I have already cho.....
Neytir: (sighing). In that case, I'll have to go through the not so fine women now. Sluta is a lazy slag.
Jake: Well, I don't want Sluta.
Neytiri: And Suza is a dirty slapper....

[Grif]

Start at 0:48, recognize who it is, then watch for a few seconds.

Also here is a riff on The Men Who Stare at Goats only because Stephen Lang plays a character in it.


Selfridge: When did the Na'vi begin the avatar research?

Quaritch: Well sir, it looks like they found out about are attempt to wirelessly control a avatar body.

Selfridge: What attempt?

Quaritch: There was no attempt. Seems the story was a French hoax. But the Na'vi think the story about the story being a French hoax is just a story sir.

Selfridge: So they started doing avatar research because they thought we were doing avatar research when in fact we weren't doing avatar research.

Quaritch: Yes sir, but now they are doing avatar research we're going to have to do avatar research sir. We can't afford to have the Na'vi leading the field in this.

Two weeks later the Avatar program was born.

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri: Ignorant like a child. Making noise. Don't know what to do.
Jake: Oh, give me a break Neytiri. I've never done this before. This is the first time I've done Tsahaylu with an actual woman, as opposed to an Ikran, a horse or a plant.

[Human No More]

hehehe. Reminds me of this (shamelessly stolen from IRC):

Neytiri: Jake, Eywa has heard you!!
Jake: Really? Wow. I mean, it was good, but I didn't think I was making that much noise...

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri: We have many fine women. Ninat is the best singer.
Jake: I don't want Ninat.
Neytiri: Oh, that's great Jake. Because I am in completely in love with Ninat. In fact, the whole clan is in love with Ninat with her being the best singer and all. Unfortunately, Ninat likes you best because you are the cool new alien dude. But she said she would go gay for me if you didn't want her. So it is so wonderful to know you don't want her Jake because it means I can have her instead. Anyway, I must go and find Ninat to tell her the news so we can be together as soon as possible. So byeee.

[Human No More]

hahahahahahaha

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri: Hooray. The wicked Quaritch is dead.
Jake: But that was only the wicked Quaritch of the East. The wicked Quaritch of the west is still at large;
Neytir: And when will we encounter him.
Jake: In the sequel.

[PhoenixRider]

Originally Posted by Human No More

hehehe. Reminds me of this (shamelessly stolen from IRC):

Neytiri: Jake, Eywa has heard you!!
Jake: Really? Wow. I mean, it was good, but I didn't think I was making that much noise...

I see your stealing my stuff!!! haha

[neytirifanboy]

Selfridge: Whay have you guys been smoking?
Grace: RDA lites. Would you like one?
Selfridge: Don't mind if I do?
Grace: Anyone else want one?
Quaritch: Yes. Thank you Grace.
Ronnie, Wainfleet and Jake also each take a cigarette. Everyone is puffing away.
Selfridge; OK, everyone. now that we have all settled down with a nice cigarette, perhaps we can all calm down and resolve this Na'vi matter rationally.
Grace: Yes, you are right Parker. Before lighting up this cigarette, I can see I wasn't thinking clearly when I suggested that the wealth of the planet is in the trees. It is obviously in the unobtanium. You are right Parker. What was I thinking? We will have to get the Na'vi to move.
Quaritch (with cigarette in one hand and coffee in the other): and I must apologise to you, Grace. Now that I am under the calming affect of the nicotine and caffeine, I now understand it was completely unreasonable of me to suggest that we use force against the Na'vi. This cigarette has made me inderstand that we can work together to get the Na'vi to move without unnecessary violence.
Selfride: Indeed. I am sure we can work everything out during our numerous and lengthy cigarette breaks.
Jake (blowing shapes with smoke): Hey, this is great. I didn't realise smoking could be so much fun. It's even better than being a Na'vi.
Wainfleet: Yeah, these cigarettes are great. Where can I get some?

[Human No More]

Hahahahaha

[Grif]

Jake is standing next to Mo'at after the war has ended.

Mo'at: Congratulations Jake, peace at last. You overthrew the world's most evil corporations, you have returned order to the Omaticaya. You gave the people back their lives. Thank you.

She laughs a little.

Mo'at: It's taken years of meticulous planning to reach this stage, but it was worth it. Who do you think told the RDA where the unobtainium was? Who do you think turned a blind eye to the initial operation? Who do you think was the RDA's biggest supporter? Who do you think ran the Omaticaya, and ran it into the ground? The people had to experience absolute anarchy before they would accept unconditional control. You are the portent of a new world order Jake, the Omaticaya was only the beginning.

YouTube - Crackdown Ending

[neytirifanboy]

Selfridge's secretary walks into his office. Selfride is sitting spinning the unobtanium.
Selfridge: What is it? Can't you see I'm very busy.
Secretary: Ms Augustine wishes to meet with you urgently to discuss the new Avatar Driver.
Selfridge: Mmm. What's my calendar looking like to day?
Secretary: Well you are down for playing with the unobtanium for at least an hour. Then you have a mini-golf session for an hour and a half at 10.00am. Then you are booked for a further hour of 'staring out the window'. Then at 12.30pm you have a 2 hour luncheon with Colonel Quartich, officially to speak about military matters, but in reality just to talk sh*t.
Selfridge: Well, I'm obviously too busy to speak to her this morning. What's on in the afternoon?
Secretary: At 2.30pm you have have to make a few calls to butter up some colleagues and suck-up to senior management in order to faciliate getting a higher bonus and a promotion, even though you sit there and do f*ck all while everyone else works their a$$ off.
Selfridge@ Yeah, corporate life is really tough. What's after that?
Secretary: Then at 4.00 pm you will sign several bits off paper that you won't even look at.
Selfridge: What? You mean I actually have to do work today?
Secretary: Yes, you have to sign the payroll, including your own.
Selfridge: Mmm. That is important.
Secretary: I could fit her in at 5.00pm.
Selridge: What have you been smoking. I never work beyong 4.15pm. You know that.

[Advent]

I'm only new, but here's one I came up with yesterday..

Quaritch: You're not in Kansas anymore. You're in WoolWorths, ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact, every second of every shift. If there is a Coles, you might want to go there for some time off, after a shift in WoolWorths. Out there beyond those counters, Every living customer that walks, crawls, or rolls in the aisles wants to kill you and sell your eyes for money. We have an indigenous staff called the shopkeeper. They're fond of cards that will dry your points up in one minute, and they have cash registers artificially reinforced with computers. They are very hard to scam. As head manager, it is my job to keep you employed. I will not succeed. Not for all of you. If you wish to stay employed, you have to develop a strong consumer attitude. You have to obey the rules! WoolWorths rules!