Should-be's

[ZenitYerkes]

I'm tired. That's nothing new.

But I'm tired being of powerless; of just stay here and watch and accept how things are, how reality is. You know, I'm doing so since I was tired of the should-be's. That was time ago. "The world should be place of peace and harmony, a place where guns are not needed, a place without armies, a place without greed or selfishness. It should be free. It should be innocent. It should be pure.".

By then I saw everything around me as a lie to that perfect world on which I wanted so badly to live on; and asked to myself what I had done to live here. Eventually I accepted the world in front of me existed -otherwise I would be called a madman and being presented a nice straitjacket- and decided that instead of being part of the problem, I would be part of the solution: thus I planned to understand it, so I could change it when I could.

What I saw was not pleasant. Weapons, nukes, terror, fear, money, selfishness, poorness, working but not good at all systems, injustice; but over everything else: malice. That is the poison for human spirit, I have seen it just like everyone else does.

However, the worse of what I saw was not all these things. The nightmare began when I knew that I wouldn't get out of there.

I saw the great police force following my track when I tried to enjoy what was mine by the right every living being has: the land where we put our feet on has owner and price. I saw myself living miserably under a small bridge since I couldn't get anything by myself: I had to buy it. And to buy I had to work.

Since I wouldn't escape from it, I realized I had to change it; I would not be offered a second option if I really wanted to make a difference. I remembered again my plans, which began by being static. Just observing, learning, writing. Focusing on the small, insignificant things. Rebelling inside my head, but still being part of the problem.

It's so tedious.

And I feel so tired.

I feel I've never missed a should-be as much as I do now. I would like to return to the utopia, to Pandora or wherever one lives better than here.

Wherever one lives freer than here...

[josie20]

This is very well written and quite touching. It reminds me very much of many of my own thoughts.

[Sight Unseen]

Originally Posted by josie20

This is very well written and quite touching. It reminds me very much of many of my own thoughts.

^this.