Searching for lifemate? Or already have them?

[Sonoran Na'vi]

I've been in a relationship for about a year now. I feel myself fortunate to have found someone I enjoy being around because I find my ability to form close emotional ties to people a bit stunted.

[Leonopteryx]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I posted about this somewhere else on ToS a while ago, but I'll repeat it here. I am 35 years old, and have found no one. And I am content with that, as content as is possible to be. Many years ago, I went through a very dark period where I was just depressed out of my mind over not being able to find anyone meaningful. The way I recovered from that was to put myself at peace with the fact that it *might* not ever happen.

I no longer actively look. I believe at this point that if I am meant to have someone, it will happen in some way I am not expecting or looking for. I would love nothing more than to have it happen, but it is much easier to go through life at peace with being alone. I spend months every year out in nature, in a lot of very remote and beautiful places. Sharing them with someone would be great, but there is something to be said for solitude as well.

indeed. i had the same experience as you, at this point i am at the same conclusion as you.

interestingly enough for me, i may have found somebody, but who knows if that will ever work out, considering time and distance.

[tallbluewanderer]

(I wish I had enough time right now to write a proper response to all the posts in this thread!)

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Ohh Human No More, I know how you feel. I get pretty lonely, and rather hopeless a lot of the time thinking "I'm looking forward to meeting this amazing person but... is it actually ever going to happen...?" I guess you just have to trust that it will one day, but at the same time not think about it too much.. if that makes any sense at all. If you trust in it enough, for sure it will happen, but of course if you go out looking for it it's Murphy's Law that it won't happen while you're being active about it so to speak.

Indeed. I just don't think about it ... it'd be nice if something spontaneously happened, but given that I'm a full-time university student and everyone I know is just as busy trying to pass classes as myself, I'm not expecting anything to.

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

@tallbluewanderer that's the neat thing about these forums; so many like-minded people with certain things I love it.

Definitely -- that's why I love this place!

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

@Fighter-of-wars I know what you mean. I like what you said. And it's not a longshot at all. My mum's constantly telling me not to be 'stupid' and 'picky' because I'm "never going to find a person with those qualities" (well actually she's wrong - I've met a lot on these forums - TAKE THAT Mum!!). But let's say she's right and I never meet irl someone like this - well, I still wouldn't want to settle for anything less than what I really think I need and want. That would just lead to a vastly unhappy life. A life of constantly thinking "This just doesn't feel how it should". No. That's not me.

Again with the mind-reading!

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Hmm. I still think it'd rock if we had a little community irl. Full of people who understand. Tehe that's a fun thought.

Agreed. We should get together and buy a small island (preferably one with an IMAX theatre) and start one!

Originally Posted by Leonopteryx

interestingly enough for me, i may have found somebody, but who knows if that will ever work out, considering time and distance.

Aww... *hugs*

[Stanley_9875]

I'm 19, single, and never had a girlfriend... Oh a dream.

[Fighter-of-Wars]

Originally Posted by Stanley_9875

I'm 19, single, and never had a girlfriend... Oh a dream.

Same except I'm 18.

[zongtseng]

It may not seem like it now, but 19 is extremely early in life I've never found someone I got close enough to to consider a girlfriend, and I'm 35 (don't let that depress you btw, it may sound sad) Anyway, I posted how I am OK with that earlier in the thread.

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

It may not seem like it now, but 19 is extremely early in life I've never found someone I got close enough to to consider a girlfriend, and I'm 35 (don't let that depress you btw, it may sound sad) Anyway, I posted how I am OK with that earlier in the thread.

I'm happy for you you've come to terms with it, but I haven't, and I just don't see how I could. Maybe one day I will, but not yet

[Fkeu'itan]

Yup, 19 and never had a relationship.

This used to make me feel really depressed but then I thought about it and, to be honest, it doesn't matter if I have or not. Often people say to me "You're 19 now, shouldn't you have a girlfriend?" and I think that is a little rediculous. Just because you're a certain age, doesn't mean you should have anything. I would love to have a relationship, but not one that is meaningless.

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

I believe I can speak on behalf of everyone in this thread when I say "you've summed it up perfectly." There really isn't anything more to say.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by MGCJerry

Same here.

For one, I just cant stand the immaturity of most people even of those my age. If I want that middle-school BS drama I would stay in middle-school.

Myself, 28 and still single. If such a lifemate ever happens to find me, then fine. If not, fine.

Yeah tell me about it. The immaturity thing. I swear most people my age that I know have not changed a bit in high school. Sometimes I feel so weird, like I'm the only one with my eyes open. Most people are just so concerned with themselves... I feel like I'm ten feet tall and blue :p; like I couldn't stand out any more just for the way I think.

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

Yup, 19 and never had a relationship.

This used to make me feel really depressed but then I thought about it and, to be honest, it doesn't matter if I have or not. Often people say to me "You're 19 now, shouldn't you have a girlfriend?" and I think that is a little rediculous. Just because you're a certain age, doesn't mean you should have anything. I would love to have a relationship, but not one that is meaningless.

I'd much rather wait to find a real love than have some throw-away relationship that means very little. I need someone who Sees me and I do in return. A relationship that is not based on the superficial things. Maybe this is asking too much, but it's what I long for. It may take a decade to find, it may happen next week, but i'm willing to wait for it.

I think waiting is such a good idea. Eck really, what is a throw-away relationship worth? To me, nothing. It works for some people though, which is fine, it just doesn't work for me. Well, it wouldn't work for me, I should say. And yes, someone who Sees That would be kicka*s, hehehe. And NO it's not asking too much. I think I said previously - if you think you're asking for too much, then you're just going to end up settling for something less than what's really in your heart. And what's the point in that? It would only be more harm that it's worth, surely?

[Pa'li Makto]

HNM I feel like reaching out to you: I really want to help you but feel that I might not have much luck..
Just keep your eyes open to new things: you never know when you might be surprised.
All I can suggest on top of that is try to maintain yourself as best you can and don't make yourself feel worse if you can avoid it. It can be the worst experience to see someone degenerate from a happy bubbly person to..well..a shell.
Don't make a hole that you can't get out of..Just think of what could be instead of what can never be.

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by Pa'li Makto

HNM I feel like reaching out to you: I really want to help you but feel that I might not have much luck..
Just keep your eyes open to new things: you never know when you might be surprised.
All I can suggest on top of that is try to maintain yourself as best you can and don't make yourself feel worse if you can avoid it. It can be the worst experience to see someone degenerate from a happy bubbly person to..well..a shell.
Don't make a hole that you can't get out of..Just think of what could be instead of what can never be.

Thank you...

I hope I won't, but I don't know... Some days, I feel like this loneliness is just slowly draining me
I try to keep myself happy, distracted, but the only thing that gives me anything any more is Avatar...
Nobody evolved to be alone, we need other people...

[Pa'li Makto]

Originally Posted by Human No More

Thank you...

I hope I won't, but I don't know... Some days, I feel like this loneliness is just slowly draining me
I try to keep myself happy, distracted, but the only thing that gives me anything any more is Avatar...
Nobody evolved to be alone, we need other people...

Hmmm yeah I felt that in the beginning..but I've met more people and grown happier as a result. Hmm yeah all I can suggest is try to see links with avatar and real life..like the bonds between members of the omaticaya clan and your family and friends..The bond between myself and my brothers helped to ease my PAD..I hope you can do something similar.

I know that we need others, that's why we all congregate on here

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by Pa'li Makto

Hmmm yeah I felt that in the beginning..but I've met more people and grown happier as a result. Hmm yeah all I can suggest is try to see links with avatar and real life..like the bonds between members of the omaticaya clan and your family and friends..The bond between myself and my brothers helped to ease my PAD..I hope you can do something similar.

I know that we need others, that's why we all congregate on here

...if only I was so close to them... but really, I am not...
All the people I am closest to are here, the people I trust the most, who I can tell everything.

[omaticaya]

Originally Posted by Human No More

...if only I was so close to them... but really, I am not...
All the people I am closest to are here, the people I trust the most, who I can tell everything.

Hey HNM, I really feel with you.
Maybe you should change your surroundings for a while.
I just came back from a three-weeks-travel to France, Portugal and Spain. I was staying with old friends who live in these countries. It was amazing, completely different surroundings, different languages, different talks, different food, etc than at home. It cured me immediately from all loneliness I had the days before I left.

So, I don't know if you have the opportunity (time and money), but why not travelling to the continent and pay a visit to members of AF or ToS? I think most of us would offer you a couch for some nights.