Searching for lifemate? Or already have them?

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by Human No More

...if only I was so close to them... but really, I am not...
All the people I am closest to are here, the people I trust the most, who I can tell everything.

I do know how you feel. I have maybe one good friend, but even she can be cruel sometimes when she's having her own bad day (which is fair enough I guess, but I know that even if I'm having a bad day and a friend needs me, I put my feelings aside for a while - or we talk about our own stuff equally).
At least we have the forums. That' all I can say. What a lonely, lonely way I'd be in right now if this place didn't exist..

[TheIknimaya]

I have not found my special someone yet. I'm 17 years old, never had a girlfriend before, I've been content with this, but not for the last few months.

There is nothing else I want more than to have a special girl, that I can hold in my arms, cuddle with, and just talk to. I want that more than anything. It won't be with any of the girls I know or girls from my school, everyone at my school does drugs and gets drunk all the time, they are a bad group of people, and the girls are like this too. I don't want a girl that does that kind of stuff. Also, I'm extremely shy and that doesn't help.

I want a nice girl to be with, and it seems like there aren't that many around here, or anywhere. All I want is a nice sweet girl to call my sweetheart.

Sorry if I spilled my guts there, but I just get so sad when I think about this.

[Fosus]

Originally Posted by TheIknimaya

I have not found my special someone yet. I'm 17 years old, never had a girlfriend before, I've been content with this, but not for the last few months.

There is nothing else I want more than to have a special girl, that I can hold in my arms, cuddle with, and just talk to. I want that more than anything. It won't be with any of the girls I know or girls from my school, everyone at my school does drugs and gets drunk all the time, they are a bad group of people, and the girls are like this too. I don't want a girl that does that kind of stuff. Also, I'm extremely shy and that doesn't help.

I want a nice girl to be with, and it seems like there aren't that many around here, or anywhere. All I want is a nice sweet girl to call my sweetheart.

Sorry if I spilled my guts there, but I just get so sad when I think about this.

It's sad so many nice girls are getting drunk and hanging around with drug-using jerks... But don't worry, they'll learn. (and if they don't, they deserve it )

As you are willing to love and respect your life mate, I'm sure you'll find her soon.

[rapunzel77]

Originally Posted by TheIknimaya

There is nothing else I want more than to have a special girl, that I can hold in my arms, cuddle with, and just talk to. I want that more than anything. It won't be with any of the girls I know or girls from my school, everyone at my school does drugs and gets drunk all the time, they are a bad group of people, and the girls are like this too. I don't want a girl that does that kind of stuff. Also, I'm extremely shy and that doesn't help.

I want a nice girl to be with, and it seems like there aren't that many around here, or anywhere. All I want is a nice sweet girl to call my sweetheart.

Sorry if I spilled my guts there, but I just get so sad when I think about this.

Don't ever feel sorry for telling us how you feel. These feelings that you have are exactly the ones that I had for years. I wanted nothing more than to find my soulmate and hopefully future husband. It took many years but I found him finally. Don't give up hope. I know it is difficult when most of the people you see at your school are into things that you don't want to be into.

She is out there, a precious gem and like with any valuable treasure, she will be hard to find but when you find her, it will be more sweet because you took the time to find the right one instead of just "hooking up" like so many people do.

[txen]

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Tehe 'doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire' - I'm that predictable?

Yes you are. You predictably started a thead that goes straight to the heart. It's a kind of predictability that I like. Keep being predictable in this fashion.

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

I was just wondering what other people's situations are here at the moment ^^ Are you... a content individual? Happily - whatever? Or... waiting? Something like that?

Three weeks away from my eighth anniversary. Unless something unusual happens I'm pretty sure I fall into the mated for life category. My road to this place had a lot of unforeseen turns and more than a few speed bumps.

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I posted about this somewhere else on ToS a while ago, but I'll repeat it here. I am 35 years old, and have found no one. And I am content with that, as content as is possible to be. Many years ago, I went through a very dark period where I was just depressed out of my mind over not being able to find anyone meaningful. The way I recovered from that was to put myself at peace with the fact that it *might* not ever happen.

I no longer actively look. I believe at this point that if I am meant to have someone, it will happen in some way I am not expecting or looking for. I would love nothing more than to have it happen, but it is much easier to go through life at peace with being alone. I spend months every year out in nature, in a lot of very remote and beautiful places. Sharing them with someone would be great, but there is something to be said for solitude as well.

I went through those dark times as well before I got married when I was 39. Spending months per year away like you like to do will kind of require a lifemate who will travel with you. Can't really leave them at home for that long. I spend at least a month away in remote places, but as I'm in California they are not all that far from home. It also helps that I tend to do it in chunks under 4 or so days at a time. In fact she has little desire to come along on most of my adventures as my idea of camping amenities is a shovel and a roll of toilet paper.

I humbly suggest that you look a bit harder. In my experience once a bachelor hits 40 it's pretty much game over. It's worth it. Really.

[zongtseng]

Originally Posted by txen

I went through those dark times as well before I got married when I was 39. Spending months per year away like you like to do will kind of require a lifemate who will travel with you. Can't really leave them at home for that long. I spend at least a month away in remote places, but as I'm in California they are not all that far from home. It also helps that I tend to do it in chunks under 4 or so days at a time. In fact she has little desire to come along on most of my adventures as my idea of camping amenities is a shovel and a roll of toilet paper.

I humbly suggest that you look a bit harder. In my experience once a bachelor hits 40 it's pretty much game over. It's worth it. Really.

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

I so agree...

*Waits*

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I understand what you mean, but I feel that if I actively search someone out that it almost can't be the "one". I am a believer that the "one" will show up, if they are meant to, no matter how improbable it may be. I am content to wait for that, whether it happens in an hour or never. I know plenty of couples who met through bizarre one-time things that almost certainly should not have happened.

I hope that will happen for me, but I don't believe it.
I don't even know if the one for me, if she exists, is even here on Earth. She's more likely to be on Pandora, I think

[omaticaya]

Hey, that's nice, another relationship thread and I doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire
Since relationships and the idea of love and mating for life are among the most interesting things to talk about, it's good to have a new thread about it.

I'm 29 and single since January (after a three-year-relatinship). For the moment I like being for myself but nevertheless I constantly think of finding my lifemate one day.

I think it's very difficult to meet someone who SEES like you do IRL, but since I have met so many nice people on AF and here, I know that there may be more people like that then I used to believe. The problem is the great distance between all of us. The planet is just to big
A meetup IRL, like Shire dreamed of would be aweesome, I dream of that too.

Another thought that I posted this earlier in another thread was that relationships, even if they don't turn out well, are always a very important experience for yourself. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about having a relationship. I think one should not think that with the right person a relationship will run perfectly without any effort. A relationship is always made up of compromises, even with the lifemate or soulmate. So, it's good to be prepared when one day you meet this person.

Sorry, if that sounds a bit pessimist, but that's what I, sometimes painfully, had to learn the last years. I once met somebody and I was convinced that she was my soulmate, but that's another story ...

[omaticaya]

BTW, it would be interesting to know if there has been any relationships of ppl who met on AF or ToS. What do you think?

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by omaticaya

Hey, that's nice, another relationship thread and I doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire
Since relationships and the idea of love and mating for life are among the most interesting things to talk about, it's good to have a new thread about it.

I'm 29 and single since January (after a three-year-relatinship). For the moment I like being for myself but nevertheless I constantly think of finding my lifemate one day.

I think it's very difficult to meet someone who SEES like you do IRL, but since I have met so many nice people on AF and here, I know that there may be more people like that then I used to believe. The problem is the great distance between all of us. The planet is just to big
A meetup IRL, like Shire dreamed of would be aweesome, I dream of that too.

Another thought that I posted this earlier in another thread was that relationships, even if they don't turn out well, are always a very important experience for yourself. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about having a relationship. I think one should not think that with the right person a relationship will run perfectly without any effort. A relationship is always made up of compromises, even with the lifemate or soulmate. So, it's good to be prepared when one day you meet this person.

Sorry, if that sounds a bit pessimist, but that's what I, sometimes painfully, had to learn the last years. I once met somebody and I was convinced that she was my soulmate, but that's another story ...

Tehe 'doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire' - I'm that predictable?
Ugh I so agree. The world *is* too big. I also thought I'd met someone who I would stay with forever - not quite my soulmate, but just thought that's who I'd end up with. Was wrong, though, and now I'm discovering that getting out was really was the right move. I'm not sad any more. Avatar helped me realise there are other more similar-minded people out there.
And yes, there are always going to be struggles and things to work through. But with the right person... it will be achievable, and it will still be good. That's my belief, anyway.

And yes, whether a relationship works or not, it teaches you something. As does being alone. But relationships have certainly taught me a lot. Mainly how I *don't* want my life to be, lol.

Originally Posted by omaticaya

BTW, it would be interesting to know if there has been any relationships of ppl who met on AF or ToS. What do you think?

That would be interesting. I could see it happening. Quite frankly I'd rather spend my time with people on here so yeah ^^ Sigh, as you said, the world is much too big

[omaticaya]

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

Tehe 'doesn't surprise me that is was started by you, Shire' - I'm that predictable?

Hey, I meant that in a very positive way.
I still think about the amazing conversation we had in the 'how has avatar affected your relationship' thread. It was one of my favourite threads.

[tallbluewanderer]

Originally Posted by Autumnshire

That would be interesting. I could see it happening. Quite frankly I'd rather spend my time with people on here so yeah ^^ Sigh, as you said, the world is much too big

Same here. I don't know how many people on ToS have met in real life, but the connections between people here are incredible for an online forum -- I don't know how well we'd all get along in real life (for example, I'm really shy), but I can't help but imagine that real-life meetings would be fantastic.

[Autumnshire]

Originally Posted by tallbluewanderer

Same here. I don't know how many people on ToS have met in real life, but the connections between people here are incredible for an online forum -- I don't know how well we'd all get along in real life (for example, I'm really shy), but I can't help but imagine that real-life meetings would be fantastic.

Hahaha yeah I know myself and a few others have thought about this, too - if it would be weird meeting IRL or not. I'm also really really shy. But, I'd be willing to risk it I'd be happy just to sit in the presence of people here. If it came to completely awkward silences, of course.

[Autumnshire]

And come to meets =) Nobody else going to be near Montana or Oregon later in the year?