Why Am I Feeling Like This?

[Stanley_9875]

I don't know what it is that has me feeling like this... i feel like someone punched me in the gut, or theres a big hole in my stomach. I'm just sitting here at work scanning papers listening to relaxing music and all I can think about is my first time watching Avatar, not knowing what to expect, not knowing how this movie will affect and change me the way it did... and the way it did was spectacular. But all I can think back to is the story I wrote of Neytiri before even seeing Avatar, all I was going off of was a picture because I promised myself not to look up any more information on the movie, watching it opening night, having that week filled with sleepless nights of tossing and turning, watching the sun rise and not wanting to get out of bed, not having anyone to share my emotions or feelings for this movie with. Going to see Avatar at least four more times just that week I had off for winter break. My PAD was at an all time high that week, and I didn't even recognize it. I'm just thinking back to those people I heard about where after watching Avatar they too would have a big case of PAD, where some would leave civilization and go live by themselves... I wonder where they are now and how they're doing. To that person who i read wouldn't leave the theater, and when an employee told him the movie was over and he had to leave the man broke down and cried... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To that one person on the Avatar Forums who's mom was concerned about him lately, and how he was taken to therapy, and I don't think I've seen him since... I wonder where he is and how he's doing. To the other countless people who have PAD outside of the ToS and AF... I wonder how their lives are, and what they're doing. To all of you who have PAD... how are you doing? I don't know why I'm thinking of all those people right now... maybe it's because I'm concerned about them/you. I don't know why I'm writing this... maybe its because it's something I have to get off my chest.

I think that through the rest of my life, if I had the chance to go back to one point in my life it would be to re-live my first Avatar experience... to go back to the beginning of the week when I first heard Avatar was showing this friday and how the advertisement picture looked so incredible, how I promised myself I wouldn't research the movie so I wouldn't spoil anything of the movie, how I got only one picture of Neytiri, and all that week I wrote a fantasy story of me meeting her and us falling in love, then having friday arrive and me fail horribly on a test because I couldn't focus (I still passed the class), having me wait for 2 hours for the movie doors to open, and me walk through them and walk out three hours later with a milestone in my life, an experience I'll never forget... but my story didn't end there, it's still being written everyday. Being able to join the AF, meet so many incredible people, participate in a few unforgettable projects... the only other time I would re-live is when I meet my lifemate sometime in the future, but if I go back to my first Avatar experience i'll experience both, and I'm willing to go through all the other hardships of my life if I could go back.

Sorry about this random post on my feelings, I felt it was something I had to get off my chest... thanks for reading, I don't know where I'd be without all of you