Kaltxi aysmukan si aytsmuke - I am madman

[madman]

Kaltxi aysmukan si aytsmuke,

I have been a contributing member on the AF forums since mid March. During the so called ‘split’, I knew little of what was really going on, and have only recently begun to meet several of the large amount of great people that no longer post on AF. This post is not intended to “open old wounds”, like some would say. I am posting to introduce myself to the Tree of Souls community in hopes that I can extend my network of friends who are like minded. We all feel and can see Avatar and the message it brings. Here is a little bit about me and my Avatar experiences.

Obviously Avatar means a great deal to me and to many others. I feel that my 7th and last real3d viewing of Avatar a couple weeks back was the most powerful for me. The magnitude of my experience was brought to fruition through how I felt while watching this epic picture. I was sweating and yet I was not hot. I cried but felt no physical pain. I trembled but had no fear. I was on Pandora with Jake and Neytiri, fighting an evil that is my own. I see the message. I feel emotional pain and sorrow. Why do others not see?.... Why do I feel alone in my own home? I must change. I will change. I have changed. But will others? Can others? I hope so…

That 7th viewing was an amazing experience… Why isn’t it like that every time? I sat at home watching the blu-ray on Thursday night not really taking anything in. My wife thinks I have something wrong with me because I feel so much when watching Avatar. She thinks my addiction is disturbing. That night, my experience wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I watched Avatar alone, unfocused, sad that I could not just enjoy the experience. Sad because I have no one there to enjoy it with me. I have only the friendly people on AF and now the Tree of Souls forums that understand me. I only hope the time I spend this summer in Yosemite volunteering will help me feel more whole again. Why do I feel lost again?

I almost feel as though I am on a rollercoaster… I just don’t know what is around that next turn... What is next?