Lonliness.

[Wanderling]

I don't really have any advice for you HNM, but please accept a hug. *hug* I know life is being rough for you right now, and I really hope a new day will bring you new hope, as well.

*more hugs*

[Gunny]

Originally Posted by Human No More

I'm sure that would be great if it happens... I just feel like I'll waste my life waiting, and then have nothing. How much time should I wait before something happens, or before I realise it's impossible?
I've always hoped there's someone for me, but what if I'm wrong and it's just false hope?

Ive thought this many times to. What if you just dont have that special someone and so on. For me I decided to look at it like this, its these trail and errors in life that we go through now, the pain and struggle that will lead us to that person. It isnt fun now but the feeling we get when you find the one who you know is right will be the best feeling in the world.

I can not tell you how long the wait will be but I can tell you that you will find her. For now we must live our lives to the fullest possible. Live with no regrets, and this is cheesy but remember that when one door closes another will open.

[Human No More]

*accepts hug*

Thank you... People here always help when I feel down. It's just part of what makes here so special, everyone here is so understanding.

Even though I'm lonely, I'm happy I have such great friends here... You all understand. I don't know where I'd be right now without all your words...

Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan si ma tsmuke


Though we're far away, the stars above are the same.
And when you feel alone... There's one who shares your pain.

[rapunzel77]

Originally Posted by Human No More

I'm sure that would be great if it happens... I just feel like I'll waste my life waiting, and then have nothing. How much time should I wait before something happens, or before I realise it's impossible?
I've always hoped there's someone for me, but what if I'm wrong and it's just false hope?

That is a great fear that most of us have or had HNM. I felt the same way for years thinking that I will have wasted my life waiting. I would suggest not overthinking it to much. Like Gunny said, she could come at the most unexpected moment. It is good to be picky about who you would want, especially if you are looking for a soulmate to spend the rest of your life with.

I understand the loneliness. I have been there before. I know it is no fun and I know that it leads to depression . It is painful.

I'm sure she is out there. In the meantime, concentrate on becoming a better man that way you can be a good soulmate to her .

I don't think I have very much advice to give . Accept this ((hug)) from me. It will get better .

[Fkeu'itan]

I'm revivng his thread because it's back. And it's back like a relentless monster tearing me to shreds.

I don't know why, but it seems like everyone who could ever love me is hundreds, nay, thousands of miles away from me and their souls even further still... while i'm here, stuck on a tiny island with a culture so backwards and screwed up that I doubt any one else out there even feels the same way. Completely deserted.

I like to tell myself that there is someone, anyone at all out there, but it just feels like i'm lying to myself... like it's all just a way to comfortably mislead myself into thinking something will come bit I don't know if it ever will for as long as I live. I know i've probably said this countless times before but I know what I really want, what I really need to feel whole, but I feel like i'm asking too much. Seeking something that's impossible to find for someone like me in a place like mine.

It feels like all I have is this diminished, sickly, rediculous sense of hope and that alone could never be enough, which only serves to extinguish the flame even further. I don't want to live like this... slowly dying inside, a crucial piece missing from my estranged puzzle while I wear this false mask of hapiness. I don't know what I have to do. I have to get out there and get 'involved' but it all seems just so utterly pointless. A world that could only ever be filled with hatred, regret and sadness.

I just feel like giving up everything, just stop looking, stop feeling. Anything. Just accept the cold but brutal reality. That I am meant to be alone for all eternity. That I have to settle for something meaningless. Settle for a coupling between people who don't really understand each other, who have no connection. People who don't really love each other, people who just came together for nothing more than convenience sake. Settle for something empty.

I don't know why it's so hard, so excruciatingly painful... is it that i'm hurting people? People that I can't see? People I don't know? I don't know why I deserve this. Was I not supposed to want to something like this? I just don't know. I know everyone is sick of me and my pathetic person. Even as I write this, I do nothing but cause pain and hurt.
All I can say is i'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the things i've done, that i'm doing.
Sorry for things that I don't understand.
Sorry for my feelings.
Sorry for being me.

[Spock]

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

I'm revivng his thread because it's back. And it's back like a relentless monster tearing me to shreds.

I don't know why, but it seems like everyone who could ever love me is hundreds, nay, thousands of miles away from me and their souls even further still... while i'm here, stuck on a tiny island with a culture so backwards and screwed up that I doubt any one else out there even feels the same way. Completely deserted.

I like to tell myself that there is someone, anyone at all out there, but it just feels like i'm lying to myself... like it's all just a way to comfortably mislead myself into thinking something will come bit I don't know if it ever will for as long as I live. I know i've probably said this countless times before but I know what I really want, what I really need to feel whole, but I feel like i'm asking too much. Seeking something that's impossible to find for someone like me in a place like mine.

It feels like all I have is this diminished, sickly, rediculous sense of hope and that alone could never be enough, which only serves to extinguish the flame even further. I don't want to live like this... slowly dying inside, a crucial piece missing from my estranged puzzle while I wear this false mask of hapiness. I don't know what I have to do. I have to get out there and get 'involved' but it all seems just so utterly pointless. A world that could only ever be filled with hatred, regret and sadness.

I just feel like giving up everything, just stop looking, stop feeling. Anything. Just accept the cold but brutal reality. That I am meant to be alone for all eternity. That I have to settle for something meaningless. Settle for a coupling between people who don't really understand each other, who have no connection. People who don't really love each other, people who just came together for nothing more than convenience sake. Settle for something empty.

I don't know why it's so hard, so excruciatingly painful... is it that i'm hurting people? People that I can't see? People I don't know? I don't know why I deserve this. Was I not supposed to want to something like this? I just don't know. I know everyone is sick of me and my pathetic person. Even as I write this, I do nothing but cause pain and hurt.
All I can say is i'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the things i've done, that i'm doing.
Sorry for things that I don't understand.
Sorry for my feelings.
Sorry for being me.

This is the reality of viewing the world through enlightened eyes. I am afraid that the only way it will abate is if you are surrounded by those who see things the same ways as you do. As we do on this forum. I can't say for sure, but that's my hypothesis. At times I have felt the same way as you do.

Humans are social creatures and without companions around us, we largely lose the plot. But when you see the world differently as I'm sure many of us do after Avatar then it seems as if you are alone. In a world of strangers. I cannot say for sure, but this is my best attempt. Oh the humanity my friend.

[Looper]

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

I just feel like giving up everything, just stop looking, stop feeling. Anything. Just accept the cold but brutal reality. That I am meant to be alone for all eternity. That I have to settle for something meaningless. Settle for a coupling between people who don't really understand each other, who have no connection. People who don't really love each other, people who just came together for nothing more than convenience sake. Settle for something empty.

Oh man, my english isn't good enough to tell all what i want to say....Me too i feel lonely, and i'm saying that one day i will find someone who will complete me...i hope. I don't want a partner just for the you know, i want someone who i will have fun with, same interests, i can talk with, someone that i really love and virce-versa...
Just to tell you that you are not alone and i don't think you'll be alone for all eternity, it's impossible if you try. And like i always say, you have just one life man, you have to make the best of it. Have fun, and please don't see the dark!

[Wanderling]

Fkeu'itan, ma tsmukan, you are not a hurtful soul and you hurt no one here. With the things you write here, your posts and your poetry, I cannot possibly imagine that you are any kind of bad person, and no, you don't deserve to be so lonely. You don't deserve the pain you feel.

Faith, hope, and love carry us through, as Rapunzel said on another thread. You have the love of everyone here, real people behind the keyboards. I wish my words would carry the tremendous amount of love I hold for you, my brother. You don't deserve to feel so much pain. Hope keeps us going, hope reminds us why we stand together, why we keep reaching out to each other, because we have hope that we can understand each other, at least a little, when the world as a whole shuts us out. I know hope runs thin, sometimes. Those are the bad times. Have faith in a better tomorrow, or a better next week, or a better next month. I know very well the highs and the lows, but you are stronger than me, Mighty Son. I hide from the world when times get bad and it eats me up inside, but don't ever do that...keep sharing with us here, keep having faith that we will hold you up.

Take heart, ma tsmukan. I'm sending you lots of positive energy tonight. *hugs*

[Aquaplant]

It's just one of the many requirements of life, that are rather difficult or impossible to fulfill in some cases. And that is why I don't like life, because it is just too much trouble and effort.

Sure they always say that nothing worthwhile doing is ever easy, but that doesn't suit well in my philosophical views. It's like life is some sort of obstacle course waiting to be conquered, and for some that might be fun. For me I'd just rather sit and wait if the obstacles would somehow disappear after some time. Up until now they haven't gone anywhere, and I highly doubt they ever will, but that still wont make me to try and climb them, because I don't see the point.

The truth is usually always way too bitter anyways when you finally get to it, and after all that effort , I don't think anything would be more demoralizing. It's always difficult to separate the realist and the pessimist from one another, because in my world, they are usually quite well connected.

I guess all I can say that you who are still trying, keep up the good work as long as possible, because once you give up like me... Well I think that's self explanatory.

[Ash]

Hey there, just read through this whole thread and wanted to throw in a few remarks.

I had some relationships during my life, but by now I know that they started, at least partially, for the wrong reasons. That doesn't make them less valuable, I am still friends with most of these girls(or women by now) but it explains why the relationships came to an end. Now I am looking for something different.

Take a look at what has brought us together here - Avatar. What do you think Jake had in mind when he, just being robbed of his brother, accepted the assignment in his place? I don't think he was a happy man doing a great career move - I am more inclined to think that it was the only thing for doing something different he had been offered since becoming paraplegic, a break from the routine, some money, at best.

Now do you think he would have expected something like this to happen? To come to a planet, lightyears away from Earth, and then to find a new family (as I do consider the Omatikaya not only a group of people who accepted him, but rather an extended family) and the love of his life, Neytiri? I think not even in his wildest dreams.
Now you certainly could pull out the "it's just a movie"-reasoning. Yeah, right. Take a look around, here, what people are doing, even on AF, everything that has been initiated by Avatar. And then continue like before, buy a pizza, find the next blockbuster to enjoy, get drunk over the weekend, feel isolated. Or try (again and again and again)to embrace that little "more" Avatar is bringing with it and get your mind out if that golden cage it is in to see beyond it - including that there may be someone out there who could become your Neytiri, your Jake.

Hey, you have started to change because of "just a movie" - what makes you think that there are no people like you in the world? The may be few and far away, but Jake did not exactly have Neytiri be dropped at his doorstep. (And while for us it was Avatar that did it, for other people it might be something totally different, still having the same effect, so don't rule them out.)
And even when he had met her, they weren't off to an easy start. He had to change a lot during three months to establish this connection to her.
Now, the last thing is often seen as something not so good - don't change yourself for someone else, like this. But I think, that he, paradoxically as it may sound, changed to become himself. That he was able to let go, one by one, of all the layers put on by the requirements of a society that pushed him(an billions of others) into a not so species-appropriate life. And that only when all these protective and camouflaging layers had peeled away, Neytiri in turn was enabled to thruthfully say - I see you.

Now for seeing - I guess we are still a good distance away from truly seeing. I am absolutely counting myself in on this, but I think that what we are perceiving is merely the light shimmering through our eyelids(as to the rare exceptions from this - congrats, now go and help others along ). But to notice that there is something else is the first step. To feel the importance and want to discover what is is, is the second one. It may take months or even years to truly open our eyes, but I think it is time well spent. And with this expanded perception... what do you know which very special person you might notice some day.

Best wishes,

Ash

[rapunzel77]

Originally Posted by Fkeu'itan

I'm revivng his thread because it's back. And it's back like a relentless monster tearing me to shreds.

I don't know why, but it seems like everyone who could ever love me is hundreds, nay, thousands of miles away from me and their souls even further still... while i'm here, stuck on a tiny island with a culture so backwards and screwed up that I doubt any one else out there even feels the same way. Completely deserted.

Fkeu'itan, I'm so sorry that the loneliness is back. It happens. I know it is very painful to know that all of us are so far away but I don't think that our souls are further away. However, I understand you.

I like to tell myself that there is someone, anyone at all out there, but it just feels like i'm lying to myself... like it's all just a way to comfortably mislead myself into thinking something will come bit I don't know if it ever will for as long as I live. I know i've probably said this countless times before but I know what I really want, what I really need to feel whole, but I feel like i'm asking too much. Seeking something that's impossible to find for someone like me in a place like mine.

It seems that way right now. That makes the loneliness worse. It does seem so impossible and hopeless. However, this will not last forever. I know it is difficult to believe and I don't want to give you cliched platitudes. You are not alone. Try to believe that even though it might be impossible right now to believe.

It feels like all I have is this diminished, sickly, rediculous sense of hope and that alone could never be enough, which only serves to extinguish the flame even further. I don't want to live like this... slowly dying inside, a crucial piece missing from my estranged puzzle while I wear this false mask of hapiness. I don't know what I have to do. I have to get out there and get 'involved' but it all seems just so utterly pointless. A world that could only ever be filled with hatred, regret and sadness.

When you are in the middle of loneliness and depression, there is no energy to get "involved." That is what you are experiencing right now. Sadly, it will take small steps to get out of it with many times reverting back to feelings of helplessness.

I just feel like giving up everything, just stop looking, stop feeling. Anything. Just accept the cold but brutal reality. That I am meant to be alone for all eternity. That I have to settle for something meaningless. Settle for a coupling between people who don't really understand each other, who have no connection. People who don't really love each other, people who just came together for nothing more than convenience sake. Settle for something empty.

I came this close to doing the same thing only a few years ago . It is very painful but I know that the feeling is very real. The loneliness. The coldness. It is brutal. It is painful and it eats at your heart and soul if you allow it to.

Please don't. I know that it is very difficult not to do but please don't succumb.

I don't know why it's so hard, so excruciatingly painful... is it that i'm hurting people? People that I can't see? People I don't know? I don't know why I deserve this. Was I not supposed to want to something like this? I just don't know. I know everyone is sick of me and my pathetic person. Even as I write this, I do nothing but cause pain and hurt.
All I can say is i'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the things i've done, that i'm doing.
Sorry for things that I don't understand.
Sorry for my feelings.
Sorry for being me.

Fkeu'itan, you have done nothing, at least on here to hurt anyone. You are not hurting me at all nor have you hurt anyone else. There is NO need to apologize.

((hugs)) You are loved Fkeu'itan. I know that is the most difficult part to comprehend but it is true. I know that right now, you probably don't have much love in your heart due to the coldness of being lonely. However, tap in to the love that you do have. Know that you are loved. We all love you here. Several of us have gone through the terrible pain of loneliness and depression. Some of us on here are going through the same things now.

Please don't give up. Ok?

[Ay'iheyu]

I just have to say, I read through this whole thread, and it is ME.
My brain and my heart going back and forth. "Just keep pushing on! You'll meet someone some day." "No, no. I'll never find anyone. I just want to connect with someone, hold someone. I feel so lifeless." ALWAYS ALWAYS.
Fkeu'itan, I am right there with you. Hopefully we will both find something to distract us from the loneliness, and find love when we least expect it. But don't apologize for anything.

[Fkeu'itan]

Thank you ever so much once again to all of you amazing people here. You have yet again helped me through one of my deepest, darkest hours.

The hope has been restored once again. It seems incomprehnsible that with 6 and a half billion people on this Earth, no one is right. It just doesn't make sense. Whether that one person and I ever crossed paths is unknown and frankly, I just don't care anymore. Life's too short to be carrying around sorrow and pain so I have decided not to carry it at all. If I die alone, I don't know if i'm really all that bothered by that. I will have spent my remaining time on this Earth trying to make things better for everyone else and that's all that matters I guess.

It will be difficult at times, but sometimes in life you just have to deal with things.

[allycat]

aww! i know how it feels to be lonely! i hope you feel better
*hugs*
and remember, we are always here to help you out and we will always be behind you, no matter what the situation

[Fkeu'itan]

Originally Posted by allycat

aww! i know how it feels to be lonely! i hope you feel better
*hugs*
and remember, we are always here to help you out and we will always be behind you, no matter what the situation

Thank you ally, it means a lot.

I don't want to rely on you people too much though. I'm beginning to feel guilty for putting all my horrible feelings on other people who are so happy.