I feel so sick

[rapunzel77]

Originally Posted by ZenitYerkes

It's turned worse. Impossible to describe the emptiness. At any moment I will break down and cry, I can feel it; the angst is running up my throat. I feel like a martyr of myself, I can't stop thinking over the stuff that makes me feel bad. I can't stop turning to the forums to seek help. I can't find anything worth doing now. I can't get out of here.

Help.

Sorry rapunzel, I still haven't commented your story.

That's ok Zenit. I'm more concerned with how you are feeling right now. You must be feeling utterly lonely. I want you to know that you are not the only one who has felt this way. Several of us on this board have been through those times. We are all here to help you. Its good to get it out. Its cathartic.

What brought this on? I would suggest hanging on to one, just one good thought. Think about that thought over and over again if you have to. Please PM me about this. I hope I can help.

[Di' Ana]

Zenit, I also know about being unable to meet people thing. I moved here to Florida to be with my father who was dying of cancer. For a year I was totally focused on being with him and helping him. After he passed I found myself completely alone down here with no family, no friends, no job. So I do understand the loneliness.
I am also very shy about meeting new people. However, I decided to combat that loneliness with volunteering. I found it is a great way to meet people. You start off with something in common with other volunteers - you ARE volunteers. Say HI and introduce yourself. It might be a bit hard at first, but very soon it will become easier.
At first you might only talk to a person or two, but sooner than you think it will become several, then more. I now have a few friends who understand me, who I can talk to, cut up with and confide in. It did not happen overnight, but it did happen for me and it will happen for you.
It doesn't matter what you volunteer for: picking up garbage along the side of a road, helping at a hospital, a vet clinic or animal shelter, helping the forest rangers- the list is endless. If you need help finding how to volunteer and who needs help you can start with your Chamber of commerce can probably point you to different civic groups that need help, or your local hospitals or animal shelters.
As has been said before, get out of the house and breathe. You can do it, we all have confidence in you and are here for you. May Eywa be with you.

Rapunzel77 is right. Think a good thought and hold onto it.

[zongtseng]

Originally Posted by ZenitYerkes

It's turned worse. Impossible to describe the emptiness. At any moment I will break down and cry, I can feel it; the angst is running up my throat. I feel like a martyr of myself, I can't stop thinking over the stuff that makes me feel bad. I can't stop turning to the forums to seek help. I can't find anything worth doing now. I can't get out of here.

Help.

Sorry rapunzel, I still haven't commented your story.

I'm not sure if this will be a help or not, but it's something I went through several years ago. I am 35 now, I was 26 I think when this happened. I went through a couple weeks of extremely dark times, where I didn't leave the house, not for work or anything (lost the job, of course). I didn't answer my door or the phone or talk to anyone. This was centered around loneliness, and that I would never find "someone".

I know most people try to comfort by saying "you will find them". Well, that may be true and I hope it is. But, how I got through that time, was coming to terms with the fact that it may not. I put myself at peace with it, and am much more comfortable with it now, to this day. I still hope I do find her, of course, but I no longer try to MAKE it happen. If it does, I will be overjoyed, if not, I am OK with that now.

PAD from Avatar put me back into a place almost as dark as that time, but for different reasons. It wasn't loneliness this time, just a longing for the Na'vi near perfect society that I would give anything to be a part of here. I DID breal down and cry, for hours a day, for nearly two weeks after the PAD hit me. For me, finding AF and reading and posting there helped enough that it didn't put me over the edge. I still need the help of the forums, although it's now mainly ToS doing that. I realize that the forums are not enough for everyone, they just happened to do just enough for me. I encourage you to talk to people about this. And not necessarily professionals. In my experience, a friend or family member can be much more helpful, unless you happen to find a professional who really understands and has experienced what you are going through.

[Anima]

It's wonderful the great things people are writing here, everyone has their story.

ZenitYerkes, maybe your alternative for the moment is to accept the feelings you have and not fight it all the time. It may sound wrong but sometimes it's better to accept that one feel like **** for a while, cause when one try to be happy it doesn't work anyway. Take comfort in the fact that you are defenetly not alone and it will get better (it will!). The feelings you have makes it hard for you right now but they will also help you in the future for sure.

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by ZenitYerkes

It's turned worse. Impossible to describe the emptiness. At any moment I will break down and cry, I can feel it; the angst is running up my throat. I feel like a martyr of myself, I can't stop thinking over the stuff that makes me feel bad. I can't stop turning to the forums to seek help. I can't find anything worth doing now. I can't get out of here.

Remember we're here. You are never alone. We understand, we're all in this.

Originally Posted by zongtseng

I'm not sure if this will be a help or not, but it's something I went through several years ago. I am 35 now, I was 26 I think when this happened. I went through a couple weeks of extremely dark times, where I didn't leave the house, not for work or anything (lost the job, of course). I didn't answer my door or the phone or talk to anyone. This was centered around loneliness, and that I would never find "someone".

I know most people try to comfort by saying "you will find them". Well, that may be true and I hope it is. But, how I got through that time, was coming to terms with the fact that it may not. I put myself at peace with it, and am much more comfortable with it now, to this day. I still hope I do find her, of course, but I no longer try to MAKE it happen. If it does, I will be overjoyed, if not, I am OK with that now.

I'm still feeling the loneliness, but I think this is a good thing to do, I just wish I could.

PAD from Avatar put me back into a place almost as dark as that time, but for different reasons. It wasn't loneliness this time, just a longing for the Na'vi near perfect society that I would give anything to be a part of here. I DID breal down and cry, for hours a day, for nearly two weeks after the PAD hit me. For me, finding AF and reading and posting there helped enough that it didn't put me over the edge. I still need the help of the forums, although it's now mainly ToS doing that. I realize that the forums are not enough for everyone, they just happened to do just enough for me. I encourage you to talk to people about this. And not necessarily professionals. In my experience, a friend or family member can be much more helpful, unless you happen to find a professional who really understands and has experienced what you are going through.

Not everyone really has anyone they could talk to. I'm similar, in that I actually NEED ToS (and previously, AF) because the people here are the only people who give me any reason to go on... I really don't want to think about what would have happened to me if I hadn't found the Avatar community. I've been depressed before, I probably never really sorted out but just ignored it. Avatar brought it all back to my mind, and added more. I'd never even considered how lonely I was before, or where I was going in life.
It just made me realise that I don't want to have a normal boring life, working for nothing, just another person. I want to do something different. I don't even know what really, or how, just that I don't want to do the same thing as everyone stuck in their pointless lives. Really, I just want to live with the Na'vi, where everyone is a part of them, it's just so different to lives today, where everyone ignores everyone else.

[Pa'li Makto]

Yeah I really want to move to a community..perhaps in Papua New Guinea where people live in communities that actually care for each other and where they actually know each other's names

Either that or set up a tribe in sydney..with my brother and Hoscba

[ZenitYerkes]

I have to say I'm beginning to feel better. I've stayed a long time in the bedroom after waking up, and thought long time over that. I'm now confused, I don't know whether to keep going against everything or just go with the flow. I can't keep the reminder off my mind that it's all about choosing between the easy or the correct way. I have kind of the obligation to keep this going, to keep fighting to change this; but I feel so powerless at the same time.

Confusing, huh?

Instead of worrying and thinking over it I thought I'd better act, instead of making mental torture to myself. I'm now on vacation, on the other side of the country; so I'm going to make plans and see if I can join volunteering programs for when I come back home. I hope I'll find people there.

The sickness lingers on, though; but I think that if I keep going on this way it'll eventually get out.

I hope I could get out of the concrete someday... But first things first, I have to study, work hard,... I wish I could keep the dream alive while I'm in Modern Society.

People, thanks everyone. I'd hug you all now.

EDIT: I also add, that I've talked to my grandmother last night. She didn't understood very well what happened to me, but I think she knew how I felt. I asked her to go to the shrink, but she didn't feel like I needed to, so she told me that we were on vacation and that I had to relax a bit and stop thinking over everything every time.

I think I'm lucky for having her next to me when I need her.

[comedianmasta]

Originally Posted by ZenitYerkes

First of all, I am 16. It's enough difficult for me to find a good partner, imagine marrying and having kids.

Second, I'm visiting every weekend I can my grandfather's brother, who suffers from Alzheimer; and I'm also trying to look strong: I've got a little brother whom I won't like to watch me depressed. I'm not though.

But I might have been selfish thinking all over myself only.

However, I'd like to find a solution for this; I won't just leave everything and everyone behind to feel better, I know that's not the way to go and I can control myself not to make anything I could regret in the future. But I still feel bad, I don't know how long I could keep the fake smile on my face or the strong guy look.

This is killing me. I don't know any other word to describe it, but every day that goes by everything turns grayer and grayer; I might find some kind relief on my family or the PC but eventually the sickness returns.

Sh*t, why does everything has to be so goddamn difficult?

I never said you were 16.

And, noone said you need to keep the face on? Why are you telling us? Who else have you told?

You don't look weak if you sit down with those that surround you and say, "Look, this is what I'm going through" and you TELL them. That's not weak, that's not "losing it".

I hope we do help, but we're not the only ones who CAN help. Yes, let's not fight here (others) but let's get some GOOD done. It's not weak to admit you're having a tough time. Who knows, things could get better.

Using your words, we don't want you to snap one day from strain. We don't want you to one day, stop putting on the happy face or the tough guy mask. One day... you're going to snap, you'll break those masks and when you do you'll shock everyone else. Why? because they had no idea it was COMING! See what I mean about telling someone? At least your family. You need some You came to your alternate family for advice but I think it's better you go to your biological family (and marraige) for physical comfort. Words on a screen can be powerful, but only SO powerful.

[rapunzel77]

Zenit, I am glad that you were able to talk to one of your family members about this . That is very helpful. Cheer up! There will be more days like this. Just remember that you can talk to any of us and we will try to help you. It is also good that there is at least one person in your family that you can talk to .