Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

[SaphirJD]

that jokes never grew old

[LOVEavatar]

I chose to get some of my old posts in AF

Neytiri: You mentioned your twin brother before?
Jake: Yeah, what about him?
Neytiri: How did he die... IF you want to speak about it?

*Flashback*

Tom to Jake: So, I'm just simply gonna travel to this gorgeous planet and run around between giant trees with this 10ft tall blue body and meet other 10ft tall sexy blue chicks with tails and ride flying lizards doing lots of fun loops and stuff ... and did i mention, that they can have super awesome foreplay with their hair that makes human sex feel like a ****ing-... Hey Jake, whatcha doin with that plastic bag???

*End of Flashback*

Jake: Nuclear radiation, sad really...

Neytiri: Awwh, that's so sad. Come here. *neytiri hugs Jake*

Jake:

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The bulldozer are destroying the Tree of Voices and Neytiri tries desperately to wake Jake.

Neytir: "JAKE, WAKE UP, JAKE!!!" shakes him
Jake: "Eugh...five more minutes" Tries to push Neytiri away.
Neytiri: "PLEASE JAKE, WAKE UP!!!" Shakes him even more

A tree logg crashed down just beside the two, shaking the ground violently.

Jake: "Ok...THAT'S IT!!!" Jake gets up, pushing Neytiri away from him and starts walking towards the bulldozer.

Jake: "Hey... HEEEY! Yeah you!!! Do you have any idea how ****in tired I am?! HUH!? You ****in piece of metal crap... look at me!!!

Jake stares at the bulldozer as it halt in it's tracks.

Jake: "I am the damned guy that's been At It all damn night with this Local Tail over here and I damn Need My Sleep Now!!!

"So..." quickly calming down and changes to a more civil voice.
"If you then could PLEASE drive around these pink trees and LET me get my SLEEP so tha-"

The bulldozer makes a sharp right turn and drives around them to continue destroying the forest, to Jakes surprise.

Moment later, they're alone again, with the forest destroyed all around them.

Jake: Hmpf... that was easy... *falls down, starting to sleep*
He looks over at Neytiri, who stands still, staring at him.

Jake: "........*stares back*........Oh Now What??!! .

Neytiri: Everything's... every... all is.....*narrows eyes*.....you.....You.Called.Me...WHAT!?!?!?! *rage*

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All the ones I found just now

[Human No More]

Quaritch: Venezuela, that was some mean bush.
Jake: Yeah, that was nasty. Did they not have razors there or anything?
Quaritch: Nothing like this here though.
Jake: Yeah, I heard. The Na'vi don't have any body hair at all.

[Grif]

That bit has been parodied way too much.

[LOVEavatar]

Some more.

Tsu'Tey, Jake and Neytiri are hunting in the forest! Tsu'Tey just killedl a Sturmbeast!

Tsu'Tey: "Oh Yeah! How'd you like that skxwang eh? Behold what mighty Tsu'Tey can do! To even let you walk near me is a disgrace! Although... I'll let you... this time"
Jake: *annoyed* "Yeah whatever... "
Tsu'Tey: Yeah Yeah whatever! You are like a freakin baby! *Imitating baby* WAH WAH I can't do anything! I wanna have Neyt- *gets pushed down a big hole...*
Neytiri: "JAKE! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? And what was he going to say about m-...?"
Jake: "ALRIGHT PEOPLE MOVE ALONG!!!" *runs into the jungle*

Next day Neytiri is showing her Ikran for Jake at the top of hometree:

Tsu'Tey: (with multiple scars) "Hey Jake Man!" *waves at Jake*
Jake: "Yeah what?... wait, you called me Ja-.."
Tsu'Tey: " No I didn't skxwang! Just wanna tell you, about yesterday... It's cool man. I forgive you!"
Jake: *really surprised* "You... you do?!" o_O
Tsu'Tey: "Yeah man! I understand if you wanted to have some alone time with Neytiri and bang her! *neytiri turns around* She's all yours! I'm WAAAAY too good for her... she's a slut!*neytiri...* Yeah! She's even been wanting to bang You ever since you got he-" *Tsu'tey gets pushed of Hometree*
Jake: "I guess ..."
Neytiri: "JAKE! Pay attention! Now... Ikran is not a horse... VERY IMPORTANT! "
Jake: -_-'
Neytiri: Jake are you listening! *hits with stick*

Next day at the Ikran nest:

Tsu'Tey: (Several bandages on his body) "Allright all... as you see, I got lots of wounds on my body and I can barely walk, damn Viperwolves I tell ya. So Jake! You must go first! I dragged myself all the way here just to see you fail Skxwang!"
Jake: "OK... *throws bow on the ground* seriously Tsu'tey, what gives??!!"
Tsu'Tey: "Woah Woah Bro! Someones gotta die first! Aint gonna be me and since you and Neytiris chances are Zzzzzeeero you might aswe-" *Seze push Tsu'Tey of mountain*
Neytiri: "Good job Seze"
Jake: "Yes good job"
Tsu'Tey: "NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooobbbbbsssssssssssssssss...
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[Jake and Neytiris first meeting]

Jake: "I need your help"
Neytiri: "You shouldn't!"
Jake: "Then take me.. .wait what?"
Neytiri: "Yes! Why should I help you?!"
Jake: "Umm..."
Neytiri: "It was YOU who forgot you stupid GPS! But ofcourse, ALL skypeople must allways come crawling to us as fast as the-"
Jake: "LOOK, LADY!!! I JUST WANT TO GET TO HOMETREE!!! I HAVE VERY IMPORTANT INFO FOR.."
Neytiri: "Kehee! (hits him on the shoulder) Go ba-"
Jake: (Lossing balance) "Oh ****... OH ****!!!" (Falls) Aaagghh, Biiiiiiiiiiiiitch"
Neytiri: "..."
Eywa: "NOOO!!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!! (Hundreds of woodsprites knocks Neytiri off the branch too)

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[First time for Jake in Hometree]

Moat: "My daughter, you are to learn this dreamwalker our ways!"
Neytiri: "REALLY???! (gasps) WOW!!! ThankyouthankyouthankTHANKYOU MOMMY!!! I can't wait to teach him our waaaays... GRRRR!!!(grawls)
Jake: "Umm... is she like ok? She's like... looking at me... and-"
Moat: (taps Jakes shoulder) "An addvice "marine"... if you wish to be in one piece tomorrow, do not tempt her! No Matter What!"
Jake: "Wha-" (Neytiri pulls his arm towards the hammock area...)
Neytiri: "You are MINE!"
Jake: "Haha yeah sure Okay" 8D

[1 minute later]

Jake: ThinkingOk... just DON'T tempt her... remember!!! Don't te-.... Wait? Is she....) O_O... OOOOH YEEEEAAAAh"

[10 seconds later]

Jake: "...No please... I didn't mean-... HOLY **** OOOOOMMMMMFG!!!!!!
[A high pitched scream fills Hometree] AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ ..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moat: "I told him..." *sips cup*

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[An ordinary evening in the new Hometree after the RDA left Pandora...]

Jake, Neytiri and Norm -in his Avatar- just finished dinner and are now sitting by the Hammocks. Norm found some orange-like fruits on the way and just had to try and stack them up with his Hammock as a base. Jake is carving on a bow and Neytiri is instructing him...

Norm: (in deep concentration) "Ok so if I put this one here... and the-.... No no no that won't work!"
Jake: "Seriously Norm! Can't you find something a little more important than to pile up fruits!?"
Norm: (Ignores Jake) "Hmm..."
Neytiri: "Jake! (Hits him in the head) You need to concentrate so that you don't cut yourself... My Skxawng!" (Smiles)
Jake: "Siiiigh Fiiiiine"

[A moment and lots of fails -for Norm- later]

Norm: "Cmoncmon... NononONONONO! GOD DAMMIT!" (Throws the fruit)
Jake: "BWAHAHHAA!"
Neytiri: "Jake! I don't know how many times I have told you but to concentrate! And you, Norm! You will never be able to do that on a Hammock that unstable!"
Jake: (Looks up) "...THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"
Norm: (Stares... then bursts) "HAHAHA! HELL YEAH MAN!"
Jake and Norm laughing their asses off...
Neytiri: "What so funny? Why are the two of you laughing!!?" (Annoyed look)
Jake and Norm frezzes...
Jake&Norm: "Umm..." (Exchanges looks)
Norm: "Oh look at the time!
Jake: "Norm... you don't have a watch..."
Norm: "sorry. I think I have to go back to Hells Gate... Night Folks!" (Runs away)
Jake: "NORM! WHEN I'M DONE HER I'M GONNA-"
Neytiri: "WELL?!" ( Stomps her foot in lack of patience)
Jake: (nervous chuckle) " hehe... he.....hmm....Well... you see... it's quite.... umm...uuuuh... interesting...

[Human No More]

Originally Posted by LOVEavatar

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[First time for Jake in Hometree]

Moat: "My daughter, you are to learn this dreamwalker our ways!"
Neytiri: "REALLY???! (gasps) WOW!!! ThankyouthankyouthankTHANKYOU MOMMY!!! I can't wait to teach him our waaaays... GRRRR!!!(grawls)
Jake: "Umm... is she like ok? She's like... looking at me... and-"
Moat: (taps Jakes shoulder) "An addvice "marine"... if you wish to be in one piece tomorrow, do not tempt her! No Matter What!"
Jake: "Wha-" (Neytiri pulls his arm towards the hammock area...)
Neytiri: "You are MINE!"
Jake: "Haha yeah sure Okay" 8D

[1 minute later]

Jake: ThinkingOk... just DON'T tempt her... remember!!! Don't te-.... Wait? Is she....) O_O... OOOOH YEEEEAAAAh"

[10 seconds later]

Jake: "...No please... I didn't mean-... HOLY **** OOOOOMMMMMFG!!!!!!
[A high pitched scream fills Hometree] AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ ..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moat: "I told him..." *sips cup*

So much WIN
You're good at this.

Also, I didn't know the 'mean bush' one had been done before, plus I always think of that whenever Quaritch says that

[LOVEavatar]

Originally Posted by Human No More

So much WIN
You're good at this.

Also, I didn't know the 'mean bush' one had been done before, plus I always think of that whenever Quaritch says that

Thanks But they're just the few of... few Compared to Ney.fanboy's collection...

It hasn't?! Haha You got a dirty mind HNM ;D

[Uniltìrantokx]

Everytime....EVERYTIME!!! i hear Jake give his amazing and oh so inspirational speech..it ends a little like this

‎"The sky people have sent us a message that they can take whatever they want and no one can stop them. But we will send them a message. You ride out as fast as the wind can carry you. You tell the other clans to come. Tell them Tourouk Makto calls to them. You fly now, with me. My brothers, sisters, let us show the sky... people that they cannot take whatever they want. And that this... this is SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Insert this is sparta youtube video) >.O

[neytirifanboy]

Just after Mo'at has told Neytiri to teach Jake.

Neytiri: Since you are like a baby, I will begin your training by giving you a one-on-one practical demonstratation of our various breast-feeding tecniques.

Jake: Outstanding!!!!!

[neytirifanboy]

Norm, Trudy and Jake are in the shack discussing the upcoming battle.

Trudy: It will be machine-guns and missiles against bows and arrows. I was hoping for some sort of tactical plan that didn't involve martyrdom.

Jake: Don't worry. I have a plan that is guaranteed to force the shuttle to turn back with mimimal casualties....

A few hours later, Quaritch's assualt fleet has just entered the the flux vortex. Considering there appears to be no enemies in the sky, Quaritch is surprised to hear a panicked call coming over the radio.....

Shuttle pilot: We're underattack! Mayday, Mayday, Masks on! Abort mission.

Quaritch: This is Papa-Dragon. Report your situation. Has your hull been breached?

Shuttle pilot: No sir.

Quaritch: Then what is the problem?

Shuttle Pilot: A Great Leonopteryx has just done an enourmous crap on our windscreen. We're flying completely blind. I'm sorry, Colonel, we're going to have to turn back. We can't see a damn thing.

Shuttle co-pilot: And it stinks too.

Shuttle pilot: Roger that!!!!!!!!

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri is training Jake how to ride the dire-horse. Jake tries to ride the horse and and falls off. While Jake is lying in the mud, Tsu-Tey and his companions ride up to mock him:

Tsu-Tey: This moron cannot see. Even a rock can see better than him.

Meanwhile, in the lab, Max is watching a live image of the whole scene on a monitor. Grace comes up behind him.

Grace: What are they doing now?
Max: Neytiri is trying to teach Jake how to ride a dire-horse. I tell you this camera we disguised as a rock is fantastic. It provides us with a 360 degrees view and allows us to see everything in perfect detail in high-definition, 3D and in the full range of the light spectrum. Yup. Nothing can see better than our little camera-rock.

[neytirifanboy]

Grace is heading to the cafeteria just behind Waintfleet. Wainfleet opens the door.

Wainfleet: Ladies first.

Believing that Wainfleet is opening the door for her, Grace moves to go through the door. But Wainfleet stands in her way.

Wainfleet: No Dr Augustine. I said ladies first.

Grace has to move aside and wait as all the male army dogs troop past her into the cafeteria.

Wainfleet: That's it. Keep moving ladies.

Eventually the last one passes. Wainfleet turns to Grace just as he goes through himself.

Wainfleet: You're the man, Doc.

[Unknown]

Originally Posted by neytirifanboy

Grace is heading to the cafeteria just behind Waintfleet. Wainfleet opens the door.

Wainfleet: Ladies first.

Believing that Wainfleet is opening the door for her, Grace moves to go through the door. But Wainfleet stands in her way.

Wainfleet: No Dr Augustine. I said ladies first.

Grace has to move a side and wait as all the male combat soldiers troop past her into the cafeteria.

Wainfleet: That's it. Keep moving ladies.

Eventually the last one passes. Wainfleet turns to Grace just as he goes through himself.

Wainfleet: You're the man, Doc.

Okay, that is SO SO SO SO much win.

It makes me want to share it with someone but no one I know would get it.

[Advent]

Wainfleet: Oh man, that is just wrong... and somehow right...

[Advent]

-Neytiri is teaching Jake Na'vi-

Neytiri: (points to direhorse) Pa'li.

Neytiri: (points to Jake) Skxawng.